Luke Skywalker meets Frodo Baggins: the full list
It has been a week, so here are all the entries, kidderoos:
Lines from one of the three original Star Wars films (Episodes IV, V, VI, to be specific) that can be fitted into LOTR if shoved hard enough.
By multiple contributors, as listed.
mollyringwraith:
GANDALF: Lord Saruman. I should have known. Only you could be so bold. The Wizard Senate will not sit for this, when they hear you've attacked a poor little--
SARUMAN: Don't play games with me, Gandalf. You weren't on any pipeweed mission this time. You passed directly through a magic-infested area. Several transmissions were beamed to this tower by palantir. I want to know what happened to the Ring you found.
GANDALF: I don't know what you're talking about. I'm a friendly old wizard on a diplomatic mission to Hobbiton...
SARUMAN: You're part of the western Alliance, and a traitor. Take him away!
[In Bree]
ARAGORN: Do you speak Elvish?
FRODO: Of course I can, sir. It's like a second language for me. I'm as fluent in Elvish--
ARAGORN: All right, shut up. (to Innkeeper) I'll take this one. (hauls FRODO off to his room)
FRODO: Shutting up, sir.
SAM, saving FRODO in Cirith Ungol: Now, don't you forget this! Why I should stick my neck out for you is quite beyond my capacity!
[After PIPPIN's episode with the Palantir]
MERRY: Just you reconsider messing with that thing.
PIPPIN whimpers.
MERRY: No, I don't think Gandalf likes you at all.
PIPPIN whimpers again.
MERRY: No, I don't like you either.
FRODO: You know, I think that Ring I inherited might be stolen.
GANDALF: What makes you think that?
FRODO: Well, I stumbled across a message while I was cleaning it. It said it belongs to someone named Sauron. (GANDALF looks alarmed.) I thought it was in some form of Elvish. Do you know what it's talking about?
GANDALF: (angry) Tomorrow I want you to take that Ring out of town and get rid of it. That'll be the end of it.
[When SAM tumbles down the slope and gets stuck in the gravel outside the Black Gates]
SAM: I must have taken a bad step...
FRODO: Can you stand? We've got to get out of here before the Orcs return.
SAM: I don't think I can make it. You go on, Master Frodo. There's
no sense in you risking yourself on my account. I'm done for.
FRODO: No, you're not. What kind of talk is that?
THEODEN: Let me see my old friends.
GRIMA: You don't need to see your old friends.
THEODEN: I don't need to see my old friends.
GRIMA: These are not the allies you're looking for.
THEODEN: These are not the allies I'm looking for.
GRIMA: They should mind their own business.
THEODEN: You people should mind your own business.
GRIMA: Move along.
THEODEN: Move along. Move along.
GANDALF: Theoden here tells me you're looking for passage to Minas Tirith.
PIPPIN: Yes indeed. If it's a fast horse.
GANDALF: Fast horse? You've never heard of Shadowfax?
PIPPIN: Should I have?
GANDALF: He's the horse that made the Osgiliath run in less than twelve parsecs. He's fast enough for you, little man.
[In Moria]
GANDALF to PIPPIN: You know, between Gimli's howling and your tripping over everything in sight, it's a wonder the whole cave doesn't know we're here.
ARAGORN: I don't know; what do you think? You think a princess and a guy like me--
ELROND: NO.
FRODO stands on the bank of the River Anduin, holding the Ring, tears on his face.
GANDALF'S VOICE: Remember, the Force will be with you...always.
losile:
LEGOLAS: I love you!
ARAGORN: I know. *tumbles off of cliff into river*
LEGOLAS: *hugs Gimli, sobbing*
BALROG: Your powers are weak, old man.
GANDALF: You can't win, Balrog. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
ARAGORN: (in extended scene of fellowship leaving Rivendell) Well, Your Highness, I guess this is it.
ARWEN: That's right.
ARAGORN: Well, don't get all mushy on me. So long, Princess.
EOWYN: You're imagining things.
GRIMA: Am I? Then why are you leaning in to my cold clammy hand? Afraid I was going to leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?
EOWYN: I'd just as soon kiss an Uruk.
GRIMA: I can arrange that. You could use a good kiss!
FRODO (to SAM): I feel like...I don't know...
STRANGE VOICE: Feel like what?
(scuffle ensues)
FRODO: (holding Sting to GOLLUM's throat) Like we're being watched!
GOLLUM: Away with your weapon! I mean you no harm.
ARAGORN: (to FARAMIR) You didn't see us alone outside the pathway into the mountain. She expressed her true feelings for me.
EOWYN: My...! Why, you stuck up,...half-witted,...scruffy-looking...hobbit-herder!
ARAGORN: Who's scruffy-looking? (to FARAMIR) I must have hit her pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh, kid?
FRODO: (in Mordor) Of course I'm worried. And you should be, too. Lord Elendil and poor Gil-Galad never returned from this awful place...
[In Minas Tirith]
SAM: Shhh. You are suffering from smoke-inhalation.
FRODO: I can't see.
SAM: Your eyesight will return in time.
FRODO: Where am I?
SAM: Minas Tirith.
FRODO: Who are you?
SAM: (pries his eyes open) Someone who loves you...in that oh-so-brotherly way.
PIPPIN: (after running through the forest after the incident by the road) Secret mission? What plans? What are you talking about? I'm
not going to Bree!
(Ringwraith screams, hobbits run)
PIPPIN: I'm going to regret this...
SAM: (in Balin's tomb) Mister Strider, sir! Pardon me for asking...but, ah...what should we do if we're discovered here?
ARAGORN: Lock the door!
BOROMIR: And hope they don't have blasters.
SAM: That isn't very reassuring.
MERRY: (being carried off by Orcs) How did I get into this mess? I really don't know how. We seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot in life.
PIPPIN: (outside the gates of Mordor) What about the tower?
FRODO: You worry about those fighters! I'll worry about the tower!
GANDALF: Run! Yes. A Ringbearer's strength flows from the Valar. But beware of the dark side. Anger...fear...aggression. The dark side of the Ring are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did Morgoth's apprentice.
FRODO: Sauron. Is the Ring stronger?
GANDALF: No...no...no. Quicker, easier, more seductive.
TREEBEARD: We can not help, hooooom. It's too big.
MERRY: Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hm? Mmmm....
LEGOLAS: (entering dismal Edoras) I don't like this.
GANDALF: Well, what would you like?
ARAGORN: They did let us pass through their borders.
GANDALF: Look, don't worry. Everything's going to be fine. Trust me.
(They enter Edoras, to see THEODEN all crusty and molding)
GANDALF: See? My friend. (to Legolas) Keep your eyes open, okay?
THEODEN: Why, you slimy, double-crossing, no-good swindler! You've got a lot of guts coming here, after stealing my pretty horse...
FRODO: (to GANDALF, after rescue on Mt Doom) One of these days you're going to be wrong, I just won't be around to see it.
SARUMAN: (to Uruks) ...there will be a substantial reward for the one who finds the Halflings. You are free to use any methods necessary, but I want them alive. No disintegrations.
BOROMIR: All right, Let's take the Gap of Rohan!
ARAGORN: The Gap of Rohan takes us too close to...
BOROMIR: (interrupting) No time to discuss this as a committee!
ARAGORN: (angry) I am not a committee!
FRODO: (to ARAGORN, after BOROMIR tries to take the ring): I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me.
ELROND: (to Arwen) Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter!
FARAMIR: (courtyard of the Houses of Healing) Hey, what's goin' on?
EOWYN: ...I can't tell you.
FARAMIR: Oh...could you tell Aragorn, is that who you could tell?!
(In Minas Tirith, after being told that Aragorn is King, Pippin is a Gondorian Soldier and Merry is a Rohirrim)
FRODO: A Rohan Knight?! Jeez, I'm out of it for a little while and everyone starts getting delusions of grandeur!
FRODO: (in Rivendell) Uh, my team's ready. I don't have a faithful friend or comic relief yet...
SAM: Mr Frodo's not goin' anywhere without me!
FRODO: Well, it's gonna be rough, pal. I didn't want to speak for you. That's one!
MERRY: Uh, Frodo... count me in.
PIPPIN: I'm with you, too!
FARAMIR: (watching Mt Doom explode) I'm sure Aragorn wasn't on that thing when it blew.
EOWYN: He wasn't. I can feel it.
FARAMIR: You love him, don't you?
EOWYN: Yes.
FARAMIR: All right. I understand. Fine. When he comes back, I won't
get in the way.
EOWYN: Oh. No, it's not like that at all. He's betrothed to an Elf.
FARAMIR:...oh...oh! *clears throat* Then I tell you, Eowyn of Rohan, that you are beautiful...
EOMER: There is still good in him
THEODEN: *kicks nephew outta Rohan*
THEODEN: (dying on the battlefield, after naming Eomer as his heir) You were right. You were right about me! Tell your sister...you were right.
darthbeckman:
*Pippin stabs the orc who is about to attack Gandalf*
PIPPIN: I got him. I got him!
GANDALF: Great, kid. Don't get cocky.
shadowflyer:
SAURON (in Palantir): Elessar...
ARAGORN: Uh, negative, negative! We have an undead knight leak down here, large leak, very dangerous!
SAURON: (glares evilly, beckons)
ARAGORN: (covers Palantir) Boring conversation anyway. Gandalf, we've got company...!
midhenaer:
ELROND: [To Frodo at council] Aren't you a little short for a hero?
[Wandering in Emyn Muil]
FRODO: Who's more foolish, the fool, or the fool who follows him? ::pointed look at Sam::
aerindipity:
GANDALF: You must learn about the Ring if you're to come with me to Mordor.
FRODO: (laughing) Mordor? I'm not going to Mordor. I've got to go home. It's late, I'm in for it as it is.
GANDALF: I need your help, Frodo. Middle-earth needs your help. I'm getting too old for this sort of thing.
FRODO: I can't get involved! I've got work to do! It's not that I like Sauron. I hate him! But there's nothing I can do about it right
now. It's such a long way from here.
redpanda:
THEODEN (to ARAGORN): I don't know who you are or where you've come from, but from now on you'll do as I say, okay?
GANDALF (to FRODO): I have something here for you. Your uncle wanted you to have this when you were old enough...
SAM: Bree. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.
ARAGORN (about EOWYN): Wonderful girl. Either I'm going to kill her or I'm beginning to like her.
DERNHELM (to MERRY): Aren't you a little short for a Rohirrim?
SAM: This is not going to work.
FRODO: Why didn't you say so before?
SAM: I did say so before.
SARUMAN (to GRIMA): Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances.
MERRY (to PIPPIN, about the palantir): Put that thing away, you're gonna get us all killed!
FRODO: Look, I had everything under control until you led us down here!
GOLLUM: It could've been worse.
[Something spider-shaped skitters in the darkness]
SAM: It's worse.
LUTHIEN: I'll be careful.
HUAN: You'll be dead!
pokeystar:
In the caverns of Isengard
ORC: I assure you, Lord SARUMAN, my men are working as fast as they can.
SARUMAN: Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them.
ORC: I tell you, this station will be operational as planned.
SARUMAN: The Eye does not share your optimistic appraisal of the situation.
ORC: But he asks the impossible. I need more men.
SARUMAN: Then perhaps you can tell him when he arrives.
ORC (aghast): The Eye's coming here?
SARUMAN: That is correct, Commander. And he is most displeased with your apparent lack of progress.
ORC: We shall double our efforts.
SARUMAN: I hope so, Commander, for your sake. The Eye is not as forgiving as I am.
ARAGORN: Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, hobbit.
GOLLUM (to Frodo): Ready are you? What know you of ready? For eight hundred years have I trained preciouses. My own counsel will I keep on who is to be trained. A precious must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A precious craves not these things. You are reckless.
In Cirith Ungol
FRODO : I saw a city in the clouds. They were in pain.
GALADRIEL : It is the future you see.
FRODO: Will they die?
GALADRIEL: Difficult to see. Always in motion is future.
FRODO: I've gotta go to them.
GALADRIEL: Decide you must what to serve them best. If you leave now, help them you could but you would destroy all for which they have fought and suffered.
BILBO: That face you make... look I so old to young eyes?
FRODO: No. Of course not.
BILBO: I do. Yes, I do. Sicker I become, old and weak... When nine hundred years old YOU reach, look as good YOU will not, hmm?
The Fields of Pelennor
LEGOLAS: Together again.
GIMLI: Wouldn't miss it.
LEGOLAS: How we doin'?
GIMLI: Same as always.
LEGOLAS: That bad, huh?
mikailborg:
At the Council:
ELROND: An analysis of the story provided by Gandalf has revealed a weakness in Mordor's defenses. You must slip through the Pass of Cirith Ungol and locate this volcanic vent here. A slam dunk of the Ring will produce a chain reaction, which will destroy Barad-Dur completely. The vent is protected by thousands of Orc troops, so you'll have to use stealth and guile.
BOROMIR: That's impossible, even for a Halfling. You'd succumb to the Ring's power in no time.
FRODO: It's not impossible. My uncle carried the Ring for decades. He didn't succumb to its power.
ELROND: Then good luck, and may the Valar be with you.
zerogage02:
GIMLI: *laughing obnoxiously*
LEGOLAS: Laugh it up, fuzz ball!
yumearashi:
[The innkeeper of the Prancing Pony gazes dismayed at the wreckage of the wraith-attacked room]
ARAGORN: *flips him a coin* Sorry about the mess.
[GANDALF and BALROG face off on the bridge of Khazad-dum. BALROG cracks its whip menacingly]
ARAGORN: I suggest a new strategy, Gandalf. Let the Balrog win.
SAM: (looking over the pass into Mordor) I have a very bad feeling about this.
LEGOLAS: Aragorn, the possibility of successfully surviving this assault on Helm's Deep is approximately ten thousand, seven hundred and twenty to three hundred.
ARAGORN: Never tell me the odds!
GANDALF: Traveling through Moria isn't like stealing crops, Pippin! Without precise quiet we could run right into an orcish horde or camp too close to a cave troll and that'd end our trip real quick, wouldn't it?
[Outside of Shelob's lair]
GOLLUM: (to Frodo) Get in there, you big, furry-footed oaf! I don't care what you smell!
SARUMAN: (to Orc Captain) Rohirrim do not concern me, Captain. I want that ring, not excuses.
[Before Helm's Deep]
LEGOLAS: They're all going to die!
ARAGORN: So certain are you. Always with you it cannot be done. Hear you nothing that I say?
ELROND: Cast aside the Ranger! Become who you were born to be!
ARAGORN: All right, I'll give it a try.
ELROND: No! Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try.
[in Shelob's cave]
FRODO: Help me, Samwise Gamgee. You're my only hope.
MERRY: Frodo's just not an ordinary hobbit, Pippin. He has too much of his uncle in him.
PIPPIN: That's what I'm afraid of.
FRODO: If they traced the ring to Gollum, they may have learned who he lost it to. And that would lead them...home!
[FRODO learns of BOROMIR's death from FARAMIR]
SAM: *comforting* There's nothing you could have done, Mr. Frodo, had you been there. You'd have been killed, too, and the ring would be in the hands of the Uruk-Hai.
[GIMLI watches Boromir teach Merry and Pippin to sword fight]
BOROMIR: You see, you can do it.
GIMLI: I call it luck.
BOROMIR: In my experience, there's no such thing as luck.
[GALADRIEL asks HALDIR to lead the Elvish army to help defend Helm's Deep]
GALADRIEL: They're going to be killed.
HALDIR: Better them than me...
GALADRIEL: Theoden's rich.
HALDIR: ...Rich?
GALADRIEL: Yes. Rich, powerful! Listen, if you were to rescue him, the reward would be...
HALDIR: What?
GALADRIEL: Well more wealth that you can imagine.
HALDIR: I don't know, I can imagine quite a bit!
GALADRIEL: You'll get it!
HALDIR: I better!
[GANDALF the White confronts Saruman after the ruin of Orthanc]
GANDALF: When I left you, I was but the learner; now I am the master.
[ARAGORN, LEGOLAS, and GIMLI come upon the pile of burnt orc carcasses outside of Fangorn Forest.]
LEGOLAS: *wrinkles his nose* And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!
FRODO: Oh, you make it so difficult sometimes.
BOROMIR: I do, I really do. You could be a little nicer, though. Come on, admit it. Sometimes you think I'm all right.
[Molly thinks the scene should be carried out...]
FRODO: Occasionally, maybe. When you aren't acting like a scoundrel.
BOROMIR: Scoundrel? Scoundrel? I like the sound of that. *makes a playful swipe at the Ring*
FRODO: Stop that.
BOROMIR: Stop what? *does it again*
FRODO: Stop that! My hands are dirty.
BOROMIR: My hands are dirty too. What are you afraid of?
FRODO: *backing away* Afraid?
BOROMIR: You're trembling.
FRODO: I'm not trembling.
BOROMIR: You like me because I'm a scoundrel. There aren't enough scoundrels in your life.
FRODO: I happen to like nice men.
BOROMIR: I'm a nice man.
FRODO: No you're not, you're--
*FRODO gets cut off as BOROMIR grabs him and hauls him to the ground*
[After SAM has gone after GOLLUM for the umpteenth time]
FRODO: *shaking his head* Control, control. You must learn control.
GRIMA WORMTONGUE: You said Eowyn would be left in Orthanc under my supervision.
SARUMAN: I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further.
[Prologue battle, as SAURON reaches for the fallen ISILDUR]
SAURON: There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you. You do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover you power. Join me and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to Middle-Earth.
ISILDUR: I'll never join you!
SAURON: If you only knew the power of the dark side. Gil-Galad never told you what happened to your father.
ISILDUR: I saw enough! I saw that you killed him.
SAURON: No. I am your father.
ISILDUR: NOOOOOOOO!!!! *slashes the ring from Sauron's hand*
[Atop the tower of Orthanc]
GANDALF: Your overconfidence is your weakness.
SARUMAN: Your faith in your friends is yours.
INNKEEPER at the Prancing Pony: Aragorn? I wonder if he means old Strider?
SAM: I beg your pardon, sir, but do you know what he's talking about?
INNKEEPER: Well, I don't know anyone named Aragorn, but old Strider lives out beyond the edge of town. He's kind of a strange old hermit.
chite
GANDALF, at the Council of Elrond: Well, short help's better than no help at all.
Lines from one of the three original Star Wars films (Episodes IV, V, VI, to be specific) that can be fitted into LOTR if shoved hard enough.
By multiple contributors, as listed.
mollyringwraith:
GANDALF: Lord Saruman. I should have known. Only you could be so bold. The Wizard Senate will not sit for this, when they hear you've attacked a poor little--
SARUMAN: Don't play games with me, Gandalf. You weren't on any pipeweed mission this time. You passed directly through a magic-infested area. Several transmissions were beamed to this tower by palantir. I want to know what happened to the Ring you found.
GANDALF: I don't know what you're talking about. I'm a friendly old wizard on a diplomatic mission to Hobbiton...
SARUMAN: You're part of the western Alliance, and a traitor. Take him away!
[In Bree]
ARAGORN: Do you speak Elvish?
FRODO: Of course I can, sir. It's like a second language for me. I'm as fluent in Elvish--
ARAGORN: All right, shut up. (to Innkeeper) I'll take this one. (hauls FRODO off to his room)
FRODO: Shutting up, sir.
SAM, saving FRODO in Cirith Ungol: Now, don't you forget this! Why I should stick my neck out for you is quite beyond my capacity!
[After PIPPIN's episode with the Palantir]
MERRY: Just you reconsider messing with that thing.
PIPPIN whimpers.
MERRY: No, I don't think Gandalf likes you at all.
PIPPIN whimpers again.
MERRY: No, I don't like you either.
FRODO: You know, I think that Ring I inherited might be stolen.
GANDALF: What makes you think that?
FRODO: Well, I stumbled across a message while I was cleaning it. It said it belongs to someone named Sauron. (GANDALF looks alarmed.) I thought it was in some form of Elvish. Do you know what it's talking about?
GANDALF: (angry) Tomorrow I want you to take that Ring out of town and get rid of it. That'll be the end of it.
[When SAM tumbles down the slope and gets stuck in the gravel outside the Black Gates]
SAM: I must have taken a bad step...
FRODO: Can you stand? We've got to get out of here before the Orcs return.
SAM: I don't think I can make it. You go on, Master Frodo. There's
no sense in you risking yourself on my account. I'm done for.
FRODO: No, you're not. What kind of talk is that?
THEODEN: Let me see my old friends.
GRIMA: You don't need to see your old friends.
THEODEN: I don't need to see my old friends.
GRIMA: These are not the allies you're looking for.
THEODEN: These are not the allies I'm looking for.
GRIMA: They should mind their own business.
THEODEN: You people should mind your own business.
GRIMA: Move along.
THEODEN: Move along. Move along.
GANDALF: Theoden here tells me you're looking for passage to Minas Tirith.
PIPPIN: Yes indeed. If it's a fast horse.
GANDALF: Fast horse? You've never heard of Shadowfax?
PIPPIN: Should I have?
GANDALF: He's the horse that made the Osgiliath run in less than twelve parsecs. He's fast enough for you, little man.
[In Moria]
GANDALF to PIPPIN: You know, between Gimli's howling and your tripping over everything in sight, it's a wonder the whole cave doesn't know we're here.
ARAGORN: I don't know; what do you think? You think a princess and a guy like me--
ELROND: NO.
FRODO stands on the bank of the River Anduin, holding the Ring, tears on his face.
GANDALF'S VOICE: Remember, the Force will be with you...always.
losile:
LEGOLAS: I love you!
ARAGORN: I know. *tumbles off of cliff into river*
LEGOLAS: *hugs Gimli, sobbing*
BALROG: Your powers are weak, old man.
GANDALF: You can't win, Balrog. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
ARAGORN: (in extended scene of fellowship leaving Rivendell) Well, Your Highness, I guess this is it.
ARWEN: That's right.
ARAGORN: Well, don't get all mushy on me. So long, Princess.
EOWYN: You're imagining things.
GRIMA: Am I? Then why are you leaning in to my cold clammy hand? Afraid I was going to leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?
EOWYN: I'd just as soon kiss an Uruk.
GRIMA: I can arrange that. You could use a good kiss!
FRODO (to SAM): I feel like...I don't know...
STRANGE VOICE: Feel like what?
(scuffle ensues)
FRODO: (holding Sting to GOLLUM's throat) Like we're being watched!
GOLLUM: Away with your weapon! I mean you no harm.
ARAGORN: (to FARAMIR) You didn't see us alone outside the pathway into the mountain. She expressed her true feelings for me.
EOWYN: My...! Why, you stuck up,...half-witted,...scruffy-looking...hobbit-herder!
ARAGORN: Who's scruffy-looking? (to FARAMIR) I must have hit her pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh, kid?
FRODO: (in Mordor) Of course I'm worried. And you should be, too. Lord Elendil and poor Gil-Galad never returned from this awful place...
[In Minas Tirith]
SAM: Shhh. You are suffering from smoke-inhalation.
FRODO: I can't see.
SAM: Your eyesight will return in time.
FRODO: Where am I?
SAM: Minas Tirith.
FRODO: Who are you?
SAM: (pries his eyes open) Someone who loves you...in that oh-so-brotherly way.
PIPPIN: (after running through the forest after the incident by the road) Secret mission? What plans? What are you talking about? I'm
not going to Bree!
(Ringwraith screams, hobbits run)
PIPPIN: I'm going to regret this...
SAM: (in Balin's tomb) Mister Strider, sir! Pardon me for asking...but, ah...what should we do if we're discovered here?
ARAGORN: Lock the door!
BOROMIR: And hope they don't have blasters.
SAM: That isn't very reassuring.
MERRY: (being carried off by Orcs) How did I get into this mess? I really don't know how. We seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot in life.
PIPPIN: (outside the gates of Mordor) What about the tower?
FRODO: You worry about those fighters! I'll worry about the tower!
GANDALF: Run! Yes. A Ringbearer's strength flows from the Valar. But beware of the dark side. Anger...fear...aggression. The dark side of the Ring are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did Morgoth's apprentice.
FRODO: Sauron. Is the Ring stronger?
GANDALF: No...no...no. Quicker, easier, more seductive.
TREEBEARD: We can not help, hooooom. It's too big.
MERRY: Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hm? Mmmm....
LEGOLAS: (entering dismal Edoras) I don't like this.
GANDALF: Well, what would you like?
ARAGORN: They did let us pass through their borders.
GANDALF: Look, don't worry. Everything's going to be fine. Trust me.
(They enter Edoras, to see THEODEN all crusty and molding)
GANDALF: See? My friend. (to Legolas) Keep your eyes open, okay?
THEODEN: Why, you slimy, double-crossing, no-good swindler! You've got a lot of guts coming here, after stealing my pretty horse...
FRODO: (to GANDALF, after rescue on Mt Doom) One of these days you're going to be wrong, I just won't be around to see it.
SARUMAN: (to Uruks) ...there will be a substantial reward for the one who finds the Halflings. You are free to use any methods necessary, but I want them alive. No disintegrations.
BOROMIR: All right, Let's take the Gap of Rohan!
ARAGORN: The Gap of Rohan takes us too close to...
BOROMIR: (interrupting) No time to discuss this as a committee!
ARAGORN: (angry) I am not a committee!
FRODO: (to ARAGORN, after BOROMIR tries to take the ring): I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me.
ELROND: (to Arwen) Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter!
FARAMIR: (courtyard of the Houses of Healing) Hey, what's goin' on?
EOWYN: ...I can't tell you.
FARAMIR: Oh...could you tell Aragorn, is that who you could tell?!
(In Minas Tirith, after being told that Aragorn is King, Pippin is a Gondorian Soldier and Merry is a Rohirrim)
FRODO: A Rohan Knight?! Jeez, I'm out of it for a little while and everyone starts getting delusions of grandeur!
FRODO: (in Rivendell) Uh, my team's ready. I don't have a faithful friend or comic relief yet...
SAM: Mr Frodo's not goin' anywhere without me!
FRODO: Well, it's gonna be rough, pal. I didn't want to speak for you. That's one!
MERRY: Uh, Frodo... count me in.
PIPPIN: I'm with you, too!
FARAMIR: (watching Mt Doom explode) I'm sure Aragorn wasn't on that thing when it blew.
EOWYN: He wasn't. I can feel it.
FARAMIR: You love him, don't you?
EOWYN: Yes.
FARAMIR: All right. I understand. Fine. When he comes back, I won't
get in the way.
EOWYN: Oh. No, it's not like that at all. He's betrothed to an Elf.
FARAMIR:...oh...oh! *clears throat* Then I tell you, Eowyn of Rohan, that you are beautiful...
EOMER: There is still good in him
THEODEN: *kicks nephew outta Rohan*
THEODEN: (dying on the battlefield, after naming Eomer as his heir) You were right. You were right about me! Tell your sister...you were right.
darthbeckman:
*Pippin stabs the orc who is about to attack Gandalf*
PIPPIN: I got him. I got him!
GANDALF: Great, kid. Don't get cocky.
shadowflyer:
SAURON (in Palantir): Elessar...
ARAGORN: Uh, negative, negative! We have an undead knight leak down here, large leak, very dangerous!
SAURON: (glares evilly, beckons)
ARAGORN: (covers Palantir) Boring conversation anyway. Gandalf, we've got company...!
midhenaer:
ELROND: [To Frodo at council] Aren't you a little short for a hero?
[Wandering in Emyn Muil]
FRODO: Who's more foolish, the fool, or the fool who follows him? ::pointed look at Sam::
aerindipity:
GANDALF: You must learn about the Ring if you're to come with me to Mordor.
FRODO: (laughing) Mordor? I'm not going to Mordor. I've got to go home. It's late, I'm in for it as it is.
GANDALF: I need your help, Frodo. Middle-earth needs your help. I'm getting too old for this sort of thing.
FRODO: I can't get involved! I've got work to do! It's not that I like Sauron. I hate him! But there's nothing I can do about it right
now. It's such a long way from here.
redpanda:
THEODEN (to ARAGORN): I don't know who you are or where you've come from, but from now on you'll do as I say, okay?
GANDALF (to FRODO): I have something here for you. Your uncle wanted you to have this when you were old enough...
SAM: Bree. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.
ARAGORN (about EOWYN): Wonderful girl. Either I'm going to kill her or I'm beginning to like her.
DERNHELM (to MERRY): Aren't you a little short for a Rohirrim?
SAM: This is not going to work.
FRODO: Why didn't you say so before?
SAM: I did say so before.
SARUMAN (to GRIMA): Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances.
MERRY (to PIPPIN, about the palantir): Put that thing away, you're gonna get us all killed!
FRODO: Look, I had everything under control until you led us down here!
GOLLUM: It could've been worse.
[Something spider-shaped skitters in the darkness]
SAM: It's worse.
LUTHIEN: I'll be careful.
HUAN: You'll be dead!
pokeystar:
In the caverns of Isengard
ORC: I assure you, Lord SARUMAN, my men are working as fast as they can.
SARUMAN: Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them.
ORC: I tell you, this station will be operational as planned.
SARUMAN: The Eye does not share your optimistic appraisal of the situation.
ORC: But he asks the impossible. I need more men.
SARUMAN: Then perhaps you can tell him when he arrives.
ORC (aghast): The Eye's coming here?
SARUMAN: That is correct, Commander. And he is most displeased with your apparent lack of progress.
ORC: We shall double our efforts.
SARUMAN: I hope so, Commander, for your sake. The Eye is not as forgiving as I am.
ARAGORN: Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, hobbit.
GOLLUM (to Frodo): Ready are you? What know you of ready? For eight hundred years have I trained preciouses. My own counsel will I keep on who is to be trained. A precious must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A precious craves not these things. You are reckless.
In Cirith Ungol
FRODO : I saw a city in the clouds. They were in pain.
GALADRIEL : It is the future you see.
FRODO: Will they die?
GALADRIEL: Difficult to see. Always in motion is future.
FRODO: I've gotta go to them.
GALADRIEL: Decide you must what to serve them best. If you leave now, help them you could but you would destroy all for which they have fought and suffered.
BILBO: That face you make... look I so old to young eyes?
FRODO: No. Of course not.
BILBO: I do. Yes, I do. Sicker I become, old and weak... When nine hundred years old YOU reach, look as good YOU will not, hmm?
The Fields of Pelennor
LEGOLAS: Together again.
GIMLI: Wouldn't miss it.
LEGOLAS: How we doin'?
GIMLI: Same as always.
LEGOLAS: That bad, huh?
mikailborg:
At the Council:
ELROND: An analysis of the story provided by Gandalf has revealed a weakness in Mordor's defenses. You must slip through the Pass of Cirith Ungol and locate this volcanic vent here. A slam dunk of the Ring will produce a chain reaction, which will destroy Barad-Dur completely. The vent is protected by thousands of Orc troops, so you'll have to use stealth and guile.
BOROMIR: That's impossible, even for a Halfling. You'd succumb to the Ring's power in no time.
FRODO: It's not impossible. My uncle carried the Ring for decades. He didn't succumb to its power.
ELROND: Then good luck, and may the Valar be with you.
zerogage02:
GIMLI: *laughing obnoxiously*
LEGOLAS: Laugh it up, fuzz ball!
yumearashi:
[The innkeeper of the Prancing Pony gazes dismayed at the wreckage of the wraith-attacked room]
ARAGORN: *flips him a coin* Sorry about the mess.
[GANDALF and BALROG face off on the bridge of Khazad-dum. BALROG cracks its whip menacingly]
ARAGORN: I suggest a new strategy, Gandalf. Let the Balrog win.
SAM: (looking over the pass into Mordor) I have a very bad feeling about this.
LEGOLAS: Aragorn, the possibility of successfully surviving this assault on Helm's Deep is approximately ten thousand, seven hundred and twenty to three hundred.
ARAGORN: Never tell me the odds!
GANDALF: Traveling through Moria isn't like stealing crops, Pippin! Without precise quiet we could run right into an orcish horde or camp too close to a cave troll and that'd end our trip real quick, wouldn't it?
[Outside of Shelob's lair]
GOLLUM: (to Frodo) Get in there, you big, furry-footed oaf! I don't care what you smell!
SARUMAN: (to Orc Captain) Rohirrim do not concern me, Captain. I want that ring, not excuses.
[Before Helm's Deep]
LEGOLAS: They're all going to die!
ARAGORN: So certain are you. Always with you it cannot be done. Hear you nothing that I say?
ELROND: Cast aside the Ranger! Become who you were born to be!
ARAGORN: All right, I'll give it a try.
ELROND: No! Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try.
[in Shelob's cave]
FRODO: Help me, Samwise Gamgee. You're my only hope.
MERRY: Frodo's just not an ordinary hobbit, Pippin. He has too much of his uncle in him.
PIPPIN: That's what I'm afraid of.
FRODO: If they traced the ring to Gollum, they may have learned who he lost it to. And that would lead them...home!
[FRODO learns of BOROMIR's death from FARAMIR]
SAM: *comforting* There's nothing you could have done, Mr. Frodo, had you been there. You'd have been killed, too, and the ring would be in the hands of the Uruk-Hai.
[GIMLI watches Boromir teach Merry and Pippin to sword fight]
BOROMIR: You see, you can do it.
GIMLI: I call it luck.
BOROMIR: In my experience, there's no such thing as luck.
[GALADRIEL asks HALDIR to lead the Elvish army to help defend Helm's Deep]
GALADRIEL: They're going to be killed.
HALDIR: Better them than me...
GALADRIEL: Theoden's rich.
HALDIR: ...Rich?
GALADRIEL: Yes. Rich, powerful! Listen, if you were to rescue him, the reward would be...
HALDIR: What?
GALADRIEL: Well more wealth that you can imagine.
HALDIR: I don't know, I can imagine quite a bit!
GALADRIEL: You'll get it!
HALDIR: I better!
[GANDALF the White confronts Saruman after the ruin of Orthanc]
GANDALF: When I left you, I was but the learner; now I am the master.
[ARAGORN, LEGOLAS, and GIMLI come upon the pile of burnt orc carcasses outside of Fangorn Forest.]
LEGOLAS: *wrinkles his nose* And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!
FRODO: Oh, you make it so difficult sometimes.
BOROMIR: I do, I really do. You could be a little nicer, though. Come on, admit it. Sometimes you think I'm all right.
[Molly thinks the scene should be carried out...]
FRODO: Occasionally, maybe. When you aren't acting like a scoundrel.
BOROMIR: Scoundrel? Scoundrel? I like the sound of that. *makes a playful swipe at the Ring*
FRODO: Stop that.
BOROMIR: Stop what? *does it again*
FRODO: Stop that! My hands are dirty.
BOROMIR: My hands are dirty too. What are you afraid of?
FRODO: *backing away* Afraid?
BOROMIR: You're trembling.
FRODO: I'm not trembling.
BOROMIR: You like me because I'm a scoundrel. There aren't enough scoundrels in your life.
FRODO: I happen to like nice men.
BOROMIR: I'm a nice man.
FRODO: No you're not, you're--
*FRODO gets cut off as BOROMIR grabs him and hauls him to the ground*
[After SAM has gone after GOLLUM for the umpteenth time]
FRODO: *shaking his head* Control, control. You must learn control.
GRIMA WORMTONGUE: You said Eowyn would be left in Orthanc under my supervision.
SARUMAN: I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further.
[Prologue battle, as SAURON reaches for the fallen ISILDUR]
SAURON: There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you. You do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover you power. Join me and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to Middle-Earth.
ISILDUR: I'll never join you!
SAURON: If you only knew the power of the dark side. Gil-Galad never told you what happened to your father.
ISILDUR: I saw enough! I saw that you killed him.
SAURON: No. I am your father.
ISILDUR: NOOOOOOOO!!!! *slashes the ring from Sauron's hand*
[Atop the tower of Orthanc]
GANDALF: Your overconfidence is your weakness.
SARUMAN: Your faith in your friends is yours.
INNKEEPER at the Prancing Pony: Aragorn? I wonder if he means old Strider?
SAM: I beg your pardon, sir, but do you know what he's talking about?
INNKEEPER: Well, I don't know anyone named Aragorn, but old Strider lives out beyond the edge of town. He's kind of a strange old hermit.
chite
GANDALF, at the Council of Elrond: Well, short help's better than no help at all.