Venting
Before I get all emotional and soul-revealing, I have discovered a fun little correlation. Johannes Cabal. Jonathan Creek. Conclusion? JC is the best set of initials ever.
I just cannot fit in here. And I have no idea why. It's like each person here falls to an extreme that I'm not willing to put up with. Arrogance is the most obvious one. Then you have extreme vapidity. Or complete lack of a personality. Or inability to perceive sarcasm. And so on. I have a group project (I thought I left that bull-shit in undergrad) and a guy in my group sent out an email delegating the work. There was a complete lack of capitalization. Grammar was all over the place. And he spelled paragraph as "parragraph". He also had a typo when he said he wanted me to write 4000 words instead of 400 words. At least, it had better be a typo.
I've been here for going on 5 weeks now and there's not one person I would willingly spend time with. Which is absolutely fine. I have no worries about my emotional state of health: I honestly and truly treasure solitude. But when I look at my peers...I feel my soul getting sucked out, or some other poetic nonsense.
Anyway, what I mean to say is that people just don't get me here. And I'm starting to worry that I'm turning into a freak who doesn't fit in due to unawareness of social rules/norms/whatever instead of one who doesn't fit in due to personal, conscious choice.
In Oregon, I didn't fit in, but that was because...well, my classmates were idiots. They're not much better here, but we're a smaller group, so it's harder to remain obscure. I just feel like an awkward misfit who, if people are nice to, it's from a sense of patronizing pity.
I did a terrible job studying for the histology exam. I waited until the last day and didn't even look at slides (though they consisted of half the test) until the morning of our 9am exam. On top of that, I did almost no studying for the OBD exam portion. I guessed on roughly half of those answers. I had to make a few guesses on the histology part (though, the answer choice of one gave me the answer to another. Purkinje fibers in the cerebellum. Nice.). Anyway, I did the 81 questions in under an hour, went home, took a nap, and then I did what I've been looking forward to all week.
I went on a very long walk.
I had intended to run most of it (or at least try), but I should have known that that was going to fail. I didn't worry about it: I just enjoyed myself and decompressed. And saw a couple of deer as well. It was a beautiful day.
When I got home and checked my scores...I was shocked. I managed to only miss one problem in the histology portion. And it wasn't a slide-associated one. That shouldn't have happened.
And, despite my best efforts, I failed to fail either OBD portion.
I just wish I didn't feel like such a freak. But I refuse to compromise. For example, while I was out walking in the park, a bunch of my peers were making plans to get drunk after a week of intense studying. Which I'm sure is a healthy coping mechanism. I try to give the impression that I see nothing morally wrong with drinking, but that's a lie. In my mind, there's almost nothing more stupid than willingly imbibing poison and reducing one's mental state to that of an incoherent imbecile.
Because who my age would prefer to jump around on rocks (which periodically line the route I took), climb trees, find playgrounds to go to at night, go spelunking, go rollerblading, or other random activities when there's alcohol to be had!
I had a thought, whilst walking, that part of the human behavior that I did study (not the part that was tested heavily on, of course) included a section on adolescent brain development. Around the age of 18, the brain starts to undergo very rapid development, similar to that of a 18 month old. This process continues until around age 25. This range encompasses that majority of my classmates. And, what is their favorite past-time? Yes, let's inhibit our brain development. That sounds like a fantastic idea.
Ugh. This bitterness doesn't suit me. Hopefully Dad will be free to talk to tomorrow. He always sets me right.
I just cannot fit in here. And I have no idea why. It's like each person here falls to an extreme that I'm not willing to put up with. Arrogance is the most obvious one. Then you have extreme vapidity. Or complete lack of a personality. Or inability to perceive sarcasm. And so on. I have a group project (I thought I left that bull-shit in undergrad) and a guy in my group sent out an email delegating the work. There was a complete lack of capitalization. Grammar was all over the place. And he spelled paragraph as "parragraph". He also had a typo when he said he wanted me to write 4000 words instead of 400 words. At least, it had better be a typo.
I've been here for going on 5 weeks now and there's not one person I would willingly spend time with. Which is absolutely fine. I have no worries about my emotional state of health: I honestly and truly treasure solitude. But when I look at my peers...I feel my soul getting sucked out, or some other poetic nonsense.
Anyway, what I mean to say is that people just don't get me here. And I'm starting to worry that I'm turning into a freak who doesn't fit in due to unawareness of social rules/norms/whatever instead of one who doesn't fit in due to personal, conscious choice.
In Oregon, I didn't fit in, but that was because...well, my classmates were idiots. They're not much better here, but we're a smaller group, so it's harder to remain obscure. I just feel like an awkward misfit who, if people are nice to, it's from a sense of patronizing pity.
I did a terrible job studying for the histology exam. I waited until the last day and didn't even look at slides (though they consisted of half the test) until the morning of our 9am exam. On top of that, I did almost no studying for the OBD exam portion. I guessed on roughly half of those answers. I had to make a few guesses on the histology part (though, the answer choice of one gave me the answer to another. Purkinje fibers in the cerebellum. Nice.). Anyway, I did the 81 questions in under an hour, went home, took a nap, and then I did what I've been looking forward to all week.
I went on a very long walk.
I had intended to run most of it (or at least try), but I should have known that that was going to fail. I didn't worry about it: I just enjoyed myself and decompressed. And saw a couple of deer as well. It was a beautiful day.
When I got home and checked my scores...I was shocked. I managed to only miss one problem in the histology portion. And it wasn't a slide-associated one. That shouldn't have happened.
And, despite my best efforts, I failed to fail either OBD portion.
I just wish I didn't feel like such a freak. But I refuse to compromise. For example, while I was out walking in the park, a bunch of my peers were making plans to get drunk after a week of intense studying. Which I'm sure is a healthy coping mechanism. I try to give the impression that I see nothing morally wrong with drinking, but that's a lie. In my mind, there's almost nothing more stupid than willingly imbibing poison and reducing one's mental state to that of an incoherent imbecile.
Because who my age would prefer to jump around on rocks (which periodically line the route I took), climb trees, find playgrounds to go to at night, go spelunking, go rollerblading, or other random activities when there's alcohol to be had!
I had a thought, whilst walking, that part of the human behavior that I did study (not the part that was tested heavily on, of course) included a section on adolescent brain development. Around the age of 18, the brain starts to undergo very rapid development, similar to that of a 18 month old. This process continues until around age 25. This range encompasses that majority of my classmates. And, what is their favorite past-time? Yes, let's inhibit our brain development. That sounds like a fantastic idea.
Ugh. This bitterness doesn't suit me. Hopefully Dad will be free to talk to tomorrow. He always sets me right.