i am still trying to stay away from lj, i just want to do one post for depression's sake
ok guys, honesty time.
alex birch, what you said really hurt. i dont know if thats what you meant to do by saying all that stuff, i assume your intention was to hurt me, but man. attacking me so personally like that. im just not in a state of mind where i can brush it off. you didnt know it, so i dont blame you. but in the future think before you write stuff like that. the person youre writing about might be already so depressed that calling them a "boring, witless tramp" may drive them to some very bad thoughts. because if youre right, i dont think this is worth it.
i honestly am in shock that i have so many enemies.
my hearts beating kind of weird. and certain thoughts are making my vision and breathing a little off.
im just relieved that only friends can comment on this damn journal, because i dont think i could bear any more. i really dont.
i said this in an email to erin a few minutes ago, but i think it deserves repeating:
if so many people hate you, why not hate yourself?
i dont want to live anymore.
im not going to kill myself, i just dont want to live.
i know what you must be saying. "jesus, way to be dramatic". believe me, this whole enemy thing is just icing on a cake of depression. its been building up for a long time now. theres no reason to wake up in the morning anymore. i have a few good friends. thats it. aside from that i have nothing. and no matter how much i love my few friends, even they cant make a life worth living.
im laughing inside because im thinking of all the strangers that are going to read this and pass it off as a stupid teenager. maybe they're right.
"Hold back the edges of your gowns, Ladies, we are going through hell" - William Carlos Williams
alex birch, what you said really hurt. i dont know if thats what you meant to do by saying all that stuff, i assume your intention was to hurt me, but man. attacking me so personally like that. im just not in a state of mind where i can brush it off. you didnt know it, so i dont blame you. but in the future think before you write stuff like that. the person youre writing about might be already so depressed that calling them a "boring, witless tramp" may drive them to some very bad thoughts. because if youre right, i dont think this is worth it.
i honestly am in shock that i have so many enemies.
my hearts beating kind of weird. and certain thoughts are making my vision and breathing a little off.
im just relieved that only friends can comment on this damn journal, because i dont think i could bear any more. i really dont.
i said this in an email to erin a few minutes ago, but i think it deserves repeating:
if so many people hate you, why not hate yourself?
i dont want to live anymore.
im not going to kill myself, i just dont want to live.
i know what you must be saying. "jesus, way to be dramatic". believe me, this whole enemy thing is just icing on a cake of depression. its been building up for a long time now. theres no reason to wake up in the morning anymore. i have a few good friends. thats it. aside from that i have nothing. and no matter how much i love my few friends, even they cant make a life worth living.
im laughing inside because im thinking of all the strangers that are going to read this and pass it off as a stupid teenager. maybe they're right.
"Hold back the edges of your gowns, Ladies, we are going through hell" - William Carlos Williams