(no subject)

Jan 06, 2005 00:06

sometimes arizona is so cool i wanna pee my pants. i just opened my window a little bit to see if anything was happenin outside and fog came into my room. it was intense.
so i didnt find my phone cause that matters so much. i went into beccas room and took hers. hah.
no bueno.
my oh my i hope its not in the washer again.
i hate the feeling of not being able to sleep KNOWing that your going to wake up unhappy and dead because youll realize its not a snow day and youll realize you have like 6 finals to take and you, my friend will realize that life is just a slap me on the ass and call me sally kind of thing. you know what im sayin. it sucks sometimes.

that whole sally feeling isnt all that great either. just let me beeeeeeee, stupid schooooooool.
Humanities- sinch, notebook check, wrote a poem about my dad and she thinks i could break down and cry about it any second (which i actually could if i wanted) so i should get an A for that one.
then comes hell. Ms kincaids class. that finals gonna kill. all she did for review on it was give us 2 problems on the board which was on the stuff we learned 2 weeks ago. are you serious? who does that.
so then that sucks.. then i go to lunch and talk to people about really weird stuff.
then spanish, hope i do ok in that. i really think i will though. i have a pretty good grade in that cllaaasssss, so otay
then photography, ill be really good in that one.
then i work out hard core with ms robken, sarah, gona, ramie, courtney, felecia and her mom, and who ever else comes. and when i say hard core.. iiiiii mean it pal.
have you ever realized a journal is just a way of talking to yourself? i mean really. well yeah other people read it and stuff but.. your kinda writing it to yourself. well really writing it to yourself.
you know what im sayin.
i keep thinking about math and how much it friggin sucks. and how much of an idiot she makes me feel like. maybe if she doesnt decide to attack me tomorrow i can just go to ms csavinas room to take it cause she and ms robken are honestly the best 2 teachers alive. and mr ostler. but you know whats up.
its 12:15 now. and im still wondering so many things, theres no way i could be tired right now.
some days im so great. and i can laugh at anything and no one can do anything about it.
then the next day im horrible and cant talk to anyone and all i can think about is one thing.
then another day im great till a certain class, then afterward im in the best mood ever.
does anyone else like, keep tally of their mood percentage during the day? haha..
like you start out at 100. then you get to like, 90 when something happens. then if something horrid happens you go down to like a 20. its actually really good for you to do that. which is weird.
and did you know..
every time you smile, your mood increases 20 percent? i smile just like, knowing that.
so... its 12 18..
Holy mo.
i just had a flashback of the promotion thing last year. and i had a flashback of all the like, pains in my stomach i got and how i felt my heart like drop to the ground when i thought about chris moving. i know we broke up and i know all that crud but hes still seriously one of my best friends and he always will be no matter what. cause.. i cant even explain how much hes always there for me and everything. and how much fun i have just talking to him knowing he will always be there for me and how many inside jokes and memories we have with eachother and things like that. it kinda blows me away. man. you gotta miss the kid.
a.lot.

charlotte and i were talkin one night and we were just talkin about how her and i both got like, perfecto boyfriends before dad died. and i honestly still cant even comprehend how great people can be to you sometimes. like ben. with out him being in my life right now i dont know who or where i would be. i dont know how i would feel about anyone or anything and this whole thing has gotten him and i so much closer in just like, 3 months it amazes me.
it blows me away that right after i found out the most incredible and important person in my life was gone.. i had someone to go to afterward and just cry and not even have to say anything. and i still cant even believe how lucky i am for that kind of person to be here right now. and i know people are still all weird about me dating ben but he seriously makes me so happy and he helps me so much and i would be such a mess right now with out him. and this is all so so so true. man. i mean i know people get upset. i get upset alot. and i get jealous of everything alot. and so does everyone else. but if you just put your feet in the other persons shoes, you shouldnt be jealous at all. you should seriously just think about what your thinking about (ha) and be happy for someone. and just smile for them because thats all that you can do to make them happy. and if you really care for someone, it should make you happy knowing the person you care about is that happy. happppyyyy happy happy.

its 12:26. please lord let it be a snowday tomorrow. otherwise im done for.

does anyone else hate that feeling?.

you never realize what you have till its gone. and you never realize how many people care for you so much, and how many people would be there no matter what, until something happens. to you. now your the one in the freakin boiling pot where everyone is focused. now yoooou are the one that has to prove your alright. now everyone is watching and waiting to see if they should even say a word.
so many people are there. i cant even..
oh man.
its seriously crazy when you realize how many people would do anything for you. thats one of the most astonoshing feelings ever id have to say. when you get thousands of letters from people you barely even know, but you love. and when people give you a hug and you kind of know why. but you know they love you. anyone else ever felt that way?.. oooor am i weird

i just haha had a flashback to when sarah, kelsey, gona, cf, cl, ramie and i were at a stoplight in the village and we were the only ones there and we did a chinese fire drill out of a mini van. haha. my friends are seriously the coolest people i will ever know. and they are all sosososo much fun.
i could name everyone that means something to me right now.. but i probably wouldt even have to wake up for school cause i'd be up till 6 30.
Oh man..
I used to wanna be Harriet the Spy soooo bad.
Now its movin up.
i wanna be Sydney from Alias, baby yes.
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