(no subject)
hey i know my journal has the date and all but its one day ahead, so it still be 2004 right now.
gosh i cant friggin wait for 2005, 2004 was the worst year yet.
the only good part is that i changed for the waaaaaay better. i dont do anything bad anymore no matter what and i havent for a long time, and even when i did, i was like 10% of what everyone else does in this world. its disgusting actually how everyone is so messed up. but i really have become a better person and i just feel so fresh and happy.
except i say that and then i just ask myself, molly are you seriously happy? then i say.. under the circumstances, yes. and then i say well.. what if you dont consider it being under the circumstances? no.. im not.
but i AM!!
ok.
wow.
can i ask you.. is it a coincidence that my dad died the exact minute, exactly, EXACTLY a month after ben and i started dating? like honestly by the second.
is that a coincidence or is it a sign? i hate it when i cant tell these kind of things, and i dont know what its supposed to mean. i just wanna get a magic genie and be like BAM give me all the answers to everything hard in life.
But this all happened for a reason... i mean it had to have happened for a reason. right?
im stupid, because i think to myself and i think im a friggin loner. and then i think harder about it and im even more of an idiot because i dont realize what good things i still have.
perfect f'in boyfriend.
the best of friends anyone could have.
good school
good everything.
empty, but still the best family.
gosh im such a selfish behotch.
who am i to try and get all this attention when really.. i'll be fine? and who the hell am i to become little miss drama pants when i could still look at my life while i was someone else and say that persons so incredibly lucky. what the bleep am i doing? who the heck am i?
and even right now, TRYING to write about who i am, i dont even know.
then once again i get into more thought and realize i am an idiot because i know exactly who i am.
im molly. im one of the strongest people i know. i have the best things and yet i search for more in life. i try to have fun. i give up easily with certain things. i have too many routines. i say "I" and "me" and "my" way too many times a day. im way too obsessed with smoothies. my favorite color is blue. my room is red. i get carried away in photography. i have a deep, maybe way too deep, love for soccer. without music i would strangle myself.
im a dork.
i know exactly who i am. so what the hell am i doing writing this?
please tell me im not the only person that does this kind of stuff for no reason.
hahah ahh jeez...
dad-
nothings really new. im really really excited for next semester cause i have every class with Sarah and 2 classes with Ben. and alot of other people that are different than the people im in classes with now who dont know when to stop talking, hey maybe like me? hahah.. man..
but anyway
yesterday and the day before i just sat on my butt aaaaall day, and did some dance dance revolution, and watched napoleon dynamite sosososo many times. there was the hugest flood! snow in flag was melting like crazy and comin down the canyon like mad, and it was pouring here the night before aaall night and everything. it was awesome. so the tlaquepaque bridge was closed off and every one was freaking out cause the couldnt get from the village to town or from town to the village haha.. but iii my friend was just kinda like sweeeeet i dont gotta go to town.
you know how it goes..
holy moley today there was a car accident in cottonwood and 6 people died. man if anyone wanted to die, 2004 was the year to do it. no joke.
i dont really know what im gonna do for new years eve yet. might just sit on my butt and hang out with ben or something.
if anyone reads this before then and they wanna do somethin, holler at me pal, holler at me.
well ill write later, just cause i just typed about 49580 pages worth so.
i love you, ttyl.
Molly
gosh i cant friggin wait for 2005, 2004 was the worst year yet.
the only good part is that i changed for the waaaaaay better. i dont do anything bad anymore no matter what and i havent for a long time, and even when i did, i was like 10% of what everyone else does in this world. its disgusting actually how everyone is so messed up. but i really have become a better person and i just feel so fresh and happy.
except i say that and then i just ask myself, molly are you seriously happy? then i say.. under the circumstances, yes. and then i say well.. what if you dont consider it being under the circumstances? no.. im not.
but i AM!!
ok.
wow.
can i ask you.. is it a coincidence that my dad died the exact minute, exactly, EXACTLY a month after ben and i started dating? like honestly by the second.
is that a coincidence or is it a sign? i hate it when i cant tell these kind of things, and i dont know what its supposed to mean. i just wanna get a magic genie and be like BAM give me all the answers to everything hard in life.
But this all happened for a reason... i mean it had to have happened for a reason. right?
im stupid, because i think to myself and i think im a friggin loner. and then i think harder about it and im even more of an idiot because i dont realize what good things i still have.
perfect f'in boyfriend.
the best of friends anyone could have.
good school
good everything.
empty, but still the best family.
gosh im such a selfish behotch.
who am i to try and get all this attention when really.. i'll be fine? and who the hell am i to become little miss drama pants when i could still look at my life while i was someone else and say that persons so incredibly lucky. what the bleep am i doing? who the heck am i?
and even right now, TRYING to write about who i am, i dont even know.
then once again i get into more thought and realize i am an idiot because i know exactly who i am.
im molly. im one of the strongest people i know. i have the best things and yet i search for more in life. i try to have fun. i give up easily with certain things. i have too many routines. i say "I" and "me" and "my" way too many times a day. im way too obsessed with smoothies. my favorite color is blue. my room is red. i get carried away in photography. i have a deep, maybe way too deep, love for soccer. without music i would strangle myself.
im a dork.
i know exactly who i am. so what the hell am i doing writing this?
please tell me im not the only person that does this kind of stuff for no reason.
hahah ahh jeez...
dad-
nothings really new. im really really excited for next semester cause i have every class with Sarah and 2 classes with Ben. and alot of other people that are different than the people im in classes with now who dont know when to stop talking, hey maybe like me? hahah.. man..
but anyway
yesterday and the day before i just sat on my butt aaaaall day, and did some dance dance revolution, and watched napoleon dynamite sosososo many times. there was the hugest flood! snow in flag was melting like crazy and comin down the canyon like mad, and it was pouring here the night before aaall night and everything. it was awesome. so the tlaquepaque bridge was closed off and every one was freaking out cause the couldnt get from the village to town or from town to the village haha.. but iii my friend was just kinda like sweeeeet i dont gotta go to town.
you know how it goes..
holy moley today there was a car accident in cottonwood and 6 people died. man if anyone wanted to die, 2004 was the year to do it. no joke.
i dont really know what im gonna do for new years eve yet. might just sit on my butt and hang out with ben or something.
if anyone reads this before then and they wanna do somethin, holler at me pal, holler at me.
well ill write later, just cause i just typed about 49580 pages worth so.
i love you, ttyl.
Molly