Still Thinking
Any time I think about him, it makes me cry...so most days, I try to forget that he was ever a part of my life...but most days, I cant. Mike tells me all the time to do what makes me happy and forget about everyone else....but what happens when what makes you happy, wont even talk to you any more? I think about moving every day...but its hard leaving someone that is so devoted to you, and someone who has so much baggage. I should have never got attatched. I dont feel still in love with Ck...but I still dont see my life without him. Its still hard for me to picture my future with someone else. Its been a while, and by now I am normally over things....but not this. Its been 7 months since I have seen Ck. I just wish he would talk to me, even if its just saying hi. I guess its hard to move on knowing that if I stay where I am, that I am giving up all the things I ever wanted. The perfect family, the Navy husband, the bad boy from the city...the normal life that I always wanted. I never wanted 2 step children, or an ex wife-in-law...but right now, I have it. How easy would it be to leave him? How hard would it be? But the real question...how hard is it going to be to live the next 14 years without everything I ever dreamed of having? I have been weighing the options for months now.