On the first, second, and third days of Christmas
1. The kids are always opening presents before we arrive. Because Pat and I were the only anxious children before these goons were born, there wasn't as much fervent pressure on Grandpa Griffin to give them to us early. Also, because Grandpa Griffin was tough and he wouldn't bend to us even if we had tried. Joey's taken over the task of handing them out, but it'll be handed down to Patrick in a few years.
2. They're all nutcases, but none so much as Colin. Pat says he's just a collection of catchphrases. Back when he was very little, before he could speak, he would run around with his index finger in the air, allegedly mimicking Ortiz. Now that he's got a working mouth, he's got a new saying every time we see him. At my graduation party, it was, "You callin' me a liar?" At Thanksgiving, "You lookin' at me, punk?" This time, "'S'allllll goooood." I asked him where he learns these things and what sort of TV he watches. "Cartoons. Cartoon violence."
3. Jaylynn makes the best chocolate chip/peanut butter cookies I think I've ever had, so she got me a big jar of them, plus a box of Poptarts. Dave says that her cookies have pushed Renay's down a spot.
4. Dad's cousin John, whom he hasn't seen for many years, stopped by. While I was getting dinner, I heard John say, "All right, tell me this: is it easier to raise a son or a daughter?" "Oh, a son, absolutely." I turned around and said, "Pardon me?" and they said it's nothing personal, you just have a wider range of emotions. The thing is, I didn't even care. I laughed.
5. New pajama sets are always a staple, but my limbs are so long that they never fit me right.
6. Don't worry: I have both seasons of The Office now.
7. We were waiting at the back of the church at halftime* when Father Brian came up to us and said, "Has your dad told you what a tightwad he is?"
*what my mom calls the opportunity to leave church after communion
8. We had a bet going where we were estimating how many times Grammy would say something to the effect of, "Isn't it wonderful to have all of us here together?" Not that we were mocking the idea--of course it's wonderful. It's just, we're right. She says it every holiday, several times. During dinner, every time she would say it, we held up our fingers to each other. The guess was five. The answer was six.
9. Grammy and Grampy live in an awesome fantasy world, but what's scary is it might be real. They live on a highway; to their right is my aunt and uncle's house, and to the left, who the hell knows. Because they both have nothing to do all day, they like to spy on the people to the left. The problem is, very rarely do they see them. The place looks abandoned all day long, but at ten at night, "I can read in the bathroom just by the lights they have on." According to both my grandparents, a family of little people lives there, and two of them must be twins the way they waddle together. They started putting up this fence but then it broke, and now it's just a half fence, and who knows why it's still up, and they've got all these toys out there that no one plays with, and at night they open the garage and what is going on over there? We also recapped all the crazy characters that walk by the house, including Scootah Man Dan, Buster Brown, and The Kid. What's curious is that all the activity stops right outside their house; my aunt and uncle and cousins see nothing of any of this.
10. Mam unfortunately missed almost all of this because she had to work on Christmas Day. I don't like that.
11. I started to feel sick in my head and my throat, but it was Christmas and I was not going to be sick on Christmas. I took an Advil out of Grammy's closet, claiming to just have a headache due to the grey sky, but really I felt like I was dying.
12. Joey and Maria's might become a staple on Christmas Day, since we went there in the afternoon. Mikayla showed me the new Barbie gear she got, including a dog that poops. Jack is ten and he acts like he's 40. He got an MP3 player, a telescope, and a pool table! What!
13. Now, I am actually very sick. I can't swallow, I've got a bit of a fever, and I slept for about thirteen hours last night mainly because my body aches so much I can barely move it. It was worth putting off acknowledging it, though, because I had a very, very good Christmas.
2. They're all nutcases, but none so much as Colin. Pat says he's just a collection of catchphrases. Back when he was very little, before he could speak, he would run around with his index finger in the air, allegedly mimicking Ortiz. Now that he's got a working mouth, he's got a new saying every time we see him. At my graduation party, it was, "You callin' me a liar?" At Thanksgiving, "You lookin' at me, punk?" This time, "'S'allllll goooood." I asked him where he learns these things and what sort of TV he watches. "Cartoons. Cartoon violence."
3. Jaylynn makes the best chocolate chip/peanut butter cookies I think I've ever had, so she got me a big jar of them, plus a box of Poptarts. Dave says that her cookies have pushed Renay's down a spot.
4. Dad's cousin John, whom he hasn't seen for many years, stopped by. While I was getting dinner, I heard John say, "All right, tell me this: is it easier to raise a son or a daughter?" "Oh, a son, absolutely." I turned around and said, "Pardon me?" and they said it's nothing personal, you just have a wider range of emotions. The thing is, I didn't even care. I laughed.
5. New pajama sets are always a staple, but my limbs are so long that they never fit me right.
6. Don't worry: I have both seasons of The Office now.
7. We were waiting at the back of the church at halftime* when Father Brian came up to us and said, "Has your dad told you what a tightwad he is?"
*what my mom calls the opportunity to leave church after communion
8. We had a bet going where we were estimating how many times Grammy would say something to the effect of, "Isn't it wonderful to have all of us here together?" Not that we were mocking the idea--of course it's wonderful. It's just, we're right. She says it every holiday, several times. During dinner, every time she would say it, we held up our fingers to each other. The guess was five. The answer was six.
9. Grammy and Grampy live in an awesome fantasy world, but what's scary is it might be real. They live on a highway; to their right is my aunt and uncle's house, and to the left, who the hell knows. Because they both have nothing to do all day, they like to spy on the people to the left. The problem is, very rarely do they see them. The place looks abandoned all day long, but at ten at night, "I can read in the bathroom just by the lights they have on." According to both my grandparents, a family of little people lives there, and two of them must be twins the way they waddle together. They started putting up this fence but then it broke, and now it's just a half fence, and who knows why it's still up, and they've got all these toys out there that no one plays with, and at night they open the garage and what is going on over there? We also recapped all the crazy characters that walk by the house, including Scootah Man Dan, Buster Brown, and The Kid. What's curious is that all the activity stops right outside their house; my aunt and uncle and cousins see nothing of any of this.
10. Mam unfortunately missed almost all of this because she had to work on Christmas Day. I don't like that.
11. I started to feel sick in my head and my throat, but it was Christmas and I was not going to be sick on Christmas. I took an Advil out of Grammy's closet, claiming to just have a headache due to the grey sky, but really I felt like I was dying.
12. Joey and Maria's might become a staple on Christmas Day, since we went there in the afternoon. Mikayla showed me the new Barbie gear she got, including a dog that poops. Jack is ten and he acts like he's 40. He got an MP3 player, a telescope, and a pool table! What!
13. Now, I am actually very sick. I can't swallow, I've got a bit of a fever, and I slept for about thirteen hours last night mainly because my body aches so much I can barely move it. It was worth putting off acknowledging it, though, because I had a very, very good Christmas.