(no subject)
This is me making fun of the infamous fanfiction, "My Immortal," by some chick named Tara and her BFF Raven who supposedly was her Beta or something. She did a crap job. I bet anything that when Tara wrote this fic she was some thirteen year old girl who though that being gothic( or as Tara writes it goffic) is cool. Why? Because I was very similar, although my mother would have killed me if I ever dressed like Edony (and presumably Tara.) I will take every sentence that Tara writes and dissect it.
I will also be using the Immortal drinking game and tell every one howmany shots a erson has to do with per chapter
Take a shot each time there's an author's note. Take a shot with every bad pun, two if followed by
‘geddit’ .
Take a shot each time the narrative stops to describe the clothing or makeup, two if it's a boy's makeup.
Take a shot whenever fishnets are mentioned.
Take a shot each time a band is mentioned, two if they are going to attend a concert.
Take a shot every time preps (or Hillary Duff) are insulted or are flaming again. Take a shot each time
Ebony gives somebody the "middle finger".
Take a shot for every use of ‘fuck’, ‘666’, or ‘depressed/depressing/etc.’. Take a shot whenever someone
slits their wrists or cries tears of blood.
Take a shot for every overly-long, dramatic pause, as in, "It was................ X!"
Take a shot every time Ebony has sex. Take a shot every time she comments on how hot someone looks,
two if it’s a band member. Take a shot whenever she refers to genitalia.
Chapter 1.
AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!
Hey Tara, there is this thing about puns you should know about them. They are completely ruined when you have to explain them. In fact if a person can't get it the first times, then it is a waste of time trying to explain it to them. I will also like to point out that it is pretty easy to get that when you say, "fangs," you mean, "thanks." Also Tara it is, "to" not 2 and, "for," not 4. It is just laziness to not write it out.
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Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!).
Alright Tara you character's name is way too long and reeks of "Speshelness." This is an alert to being a Mary Sue. In fact if you went looking for a MarySue Litmus Test, You would have found out that if you really like a name and would consider using it in the future for yourself or offspring, it is no the name you should use.
I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie.
Tara, if you were related to Gerard Way, that means you still cannot fuck him.
I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white.
This makes you just a person who drinks blood, moron.
I have pale white skin.
No, Shit Sherlock! And here I thought you were purple.
I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen).
Okey so, far you are a witch, vampire goth who happens to enjoy the idea of having an incestuous relationship with someone. So really, this proves your writer is a thirteen year old girl who happens to be on some kind of drug. Also if you say you are in the 7th year in Hogwarts. It kind of is obvious that you are seventeen.
I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black.
Oh, wow, a goth that wears black. what a shocker. Next, Tara is going to tell me the sky is blue.
I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there.
Your character live in England and it wasn't until this year that they even put up a website for european countries. So I bet you didn't do your research.
For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots.
How conservative Tara. Going to keep all the obvious Slut comments to myself.
I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.
Given goth make up. Obvious too.
I was walking outside Hogwarts.
Here is my favourite line, "I was walking outside of Hogwarts." It is the shortest and gives background but where outside is she? That is the question screw your clothes selection Tell us exactly where you are.
It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about.
Now I have heard people ran about how this weather is not probable but I have been through this weather. But I also live in Alberta and we get freaky weather here. This is England it is a Snow and then rain type of place.
A lot of preps stared at me.
They were staring at you because you looked like someone who would service a guy named John on a corner, Bitch. Alright, I might have lied about not making the slut comments.
I put up my middle finger at them.
*Snigger* This little finger will go up a lot. So kids lets count how many times it goes up. That is number one.
“Hey Ebony!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!
How hard is it to write, "It was Draco Malfoy." There is nothing dramatic about someone coming up to another.
“What’s up Draco?” I asked.
Good start in conversation.
“Nothing.” he said shyly.
Bad start in characterization of canon character. There is nothing shy about Draco. He is the type to say exactly who he is and what he does. He is rude little git that was raised with a silver spoon in his mouth.
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.
If only you did and far away.
This chapter has 10 shots involve in it.