(no subject)
I feel like my life is going off the rails. The last time I saw E was September, and she's not going to be back for another week. I got handed this bizarre second job at work that involves me breaking in to a team of app developers who have been working together for months already on this project. So I've been getting up an hour early to get work done, checking in with the kids for five minutes in the morning and hoping they get to school on time, doing the bare minimum on E's job in the afternoon, and doing more work after R goes to bed.
The house is trashed and it still smells like a fire from when B burned my favorite pressure cooker beyond recognition days ago. We have Shabbat dinner guests and on Sunday I have to make a meal for a family in our havurah who are going through an illness. I feel like I have to do these things, even though I can't even get through the basics of our own family life, because everyone is supposed to give tzdekah, not just the rich, the tradition says. Everyone, even the poorest person, is supposed to give. It makes me feel like my life is less of a disaster to plan out these two meals for these two other families. Figuring out how I'm going to cook lush and satisfying meals for them, even when all I could manage for R last night was pasta and over-easy eggs, gives me the sense that I have something worthwhile inside of me, that I'm not just this wasteland of Skype meetings and incomprehensible codespeak email chains and badly-done laundry.
The house is trashed and it still smells like a fire from when B burned my favorite pressure cooker beyond recognition days ago. We have Shabbat dinner guests and on Sunday I have to make a meal for a family in our havurah who are going through an illness. I feel like I have to do these things, even though I can't even get through the basics of our own family life, because everyone is supposed to give tzdekah, not just the rich, the tradition says. Everyone, even the poorest person, is supposed to give. It makes me feel like my life is less of a disaster to plan out these two meals for these two other families. Figuring out how I'm going to cook lush and satisfying meals for them, even when all I could manage for R last night was pasta and over-easy eggs, gives me the sense that I have something worthwhile inside of me, that I'm not just this wasteland of Skype meetings and incomprehensible codespeak email chains and badly-done laundry.