(no subject)
“You aren’t going to let me get Grand Theft Auto, are you?” B asked.
That would be a big N to the O.
B is mostly as formed as he’s going to be by our values, but I am going to hold the line at letting GTA in our house. It’s a fun, creative, layered game. It also utterly objectifies every female in it. The male characters have complicated backstories and complicated character development, but the women are objects, bodies to be killed or pussies to be fucked or tits to be displayed in the process of pimping them out. The women only appear and disappear to serve the fantasies and desires of the male characters and players.
We have done just about all we can in terms of shaping B’s values, but he’s just learning how to talk about women. Straight men talk about women, and they talk about women in a lot of different ways, and I don’t want B’s language patterns about women to be shaped by the intense objectification of women in Grand Theft Auto.
I am all for him hearing straight men talk about women and sex and attraction. He’s going to want to talk about sex to other guys, so he’s going to have to learn how from somewhere. His favorite TV show right now is The League, which is really, really inappropriate. They talk about sex acts in vivid, specific and graphic detail - they show it sometimes, too, though without nudity by putting it all under blankets and sheets. I don't want to underplay the sex acts and body parts that are up for discussion in just about every episode of this show; it's a ton. I think it’s fine for guys to talk about sex and, in a way, I want B to hear the guys on The League talk about sex because I think they do it in a really raunchy but responsible way.
These guys really love and respect their girlfriends and wives. Even when they talk about them sexually, these men treat the women in their lives as whole people. The women have skills and interests. Sometimes the guys make fun of the women or they complain about them, but they talk about the women negatively with deep knowledge and love for their partners. It’s also hilarious.
B cited one of his favorite scenes ever. One guy describes time he spent with his wife or girlfriend and he says, very sarcastically, “We had a lady day together and went to the farmers market. Did you know that heirloom tomatoes really do taste better than regular tomatoes?” This guy is totally busting on his wife/girlfriend, but at the same time demonstrating that he pays enough attention to her to know what she likes. He finds value in spending time with her, even if it isn’t his first choice of pastime. He also needs to let off a little steam with his guy friends, because he didn’t really want to go and he couldn’t say that to her.
To me, that’s a great lesson in being a husband and in the values of friends. It’s a great lesson in how you act toward a woman you are attracted to. There is a huge gulf between attraction and objectification. One is perfectly fine, and the other can be toxic. The catch is that they can look really similar. On the surface, that guy who went to the farmers market is totally denigrating his wife/girlfriend, but the fact is that he went to the market with her because he values nurturing their relationship. Also, he knows that if he says something nice to her about the heirloom tomatoes, he is more likely to get into her pants.
That would be a big N to the O.
B is mostly as formed as he’s going to be by our values, but I am going to hold the line at letting GTA in our house. It’s a fun, creative, layered game. It also utterly objectifies every female in it. The male characters have complicated backstories and complicated character development, but the women are objects, bodies to be killed or pussies to be fucked or tits to be displayed in the process of pimping them out. The women only appear and disappear to serve the fantasies and desires of the male characters and players.
We have done just about all we can in terms of shaping B’s values, but he’s just learning how to talk about women. Straight men talk about women, and they talk about women in a lot of different ways, and I don’t want B’s language patterns about women to be shaped by the intense objectification of women in Grand Theft Auto.
I am all for him hearing straight men talk about women and sex and attraction. He’s going to want to talk about sex to other guys, so he’s going to have to learn how from somewhere. His favorite TV show right now is The League, which is really, really inappropriate. They talk about sex acts in vivid, specific and graphic detail - they show it sometimes, too, though without nudity by putting it all under blankets and sheets. I don't want to underplay the sex acts and body parts that are up for discussion in just about every episode of this show; it's a ton. I think it’s fine for guys to talk about sex and, in a way, I want B to hear the guys on The League talk about sex because I think they do it in a really raunchy but responsible way.
These guys really love and respect their girlfriends and wives. Even when they talk about them sexually, these men treat the women in their lives as whole people. The women have skills and interests. Sometimes the guys make fun of the women or they complain about them, but they talk about the women negatively with deep knowledge and love for their partners. It’s also hilarious.
B cited one of his favorite scenes ever. One guy describes time he spent with his wife or girlfriend and he says, very sarcastically, “We had a lady day together and went to the farmers market. Did you know that heirloom tomatoes really do taste better than regular tomatoes?” This guy is totally busting on his wife/girlfriend, but at the same time demonstrating that he pays enough attention to her to know what she likes. He finds value in spending time with her, even if it isn’t his first choice of pastime. He also needs to let off a little steam with his guy friends, because he didn’t really want to go and he couldn’t say that to her.
To me, that’s a great lesson in being a husband and in the values of friends. It’s a great lesson in how you act toward a woman you are attracted to. There is a huge gulf between attraction and objectification. One is perfectly fine, and the other can be toxic. The catch is that they can look really similar. On the surface, that guy who went to the farmers market is totally denigrating his wife/girlfriend, but the fact is that he went to the market with her because he values nurturing their relationship. Also, he knows that if he says something nice to her about the heirloom tomatoes, he is more likely to get into her pants.