March 14th 2010
It's my ex's birthday today. It's been almost a year since the breakup from hell. And I haven't posted in a long long time.
It's only been a few months, but when I read my old entries, it feels like years. I remember writing all those things about treating myself better and not needing the ex, but at the time I didn't believe it all like I do now.
I know I have even more evolving to do, but I honestly feel like a different person today than I did even 3 months ago.
When I think of the way my ex left me, I feel relief that I no longer have to deal with his emotional torture. I am still angry, but that will subside over time. Right now my mindset is more along the lines of "Wow, how could I not see it before, he was such a lying pathetic scumbag." Which for me is a healthy place to be in the moment.
I am capable of getting emotional over it, but I won't allow myself to go there anymore. It is not constructive, it doesn't benefit me in any way.
I feel more sure of who I am. I feel more confident that there is no shame in who I am. I know that somewhere in the world there is someone who will not just "accept me for who I am", but desire & embrace who I am. I am not interested in being "accepted". That word to me means you'll overlook my flaws and love me anyway, it implies there are exceptions, conditions on love. By no means am I perfect, but my weaknesses are for me alone to work on. I strive to be better for Andrea, NOT for someone else. I will not change to make another human happy. I will change to make myself whole.
This is a collage I made for my wall, right above my computer. For me it's very motivational. It tels me who I am, where I am going and how I will get there.
It's only been a few months, but when I read my old entries, it feels like years. I remember writing all those things about treating myself better and not needing the ex, but at the time I didn't believe it all like I do now.
I know I have even more evolving to do, but I honestly feel like a different person today than I did even 3 months ago.
When I think of the way my ex left me, I feel relief that I no longer have to deal with his emotional torture. I am still angry, but that will subside over time. Right now my mindset is more along the lines of "Wow, how could I not see it before, he was such a lying pathetic scumbag." Which for me is a healthy place to be in the moment.
I am capable of getting emotional over it, but I won't allow myself to go there anymore. It is not constructive, it doesn't benefit me in any way.
I feel more sure of who I am. I feel more confident that there is no shame in who I am. I know that somewhere in the world there is someone who will not just "accept me for who I am", but desire & embrace who I am. I am not interested in being "accepted". That word to me means you'll overlook my flaws and love me anyway, it implies there are exceptions, conditions on love. By no means am I perfect, but my weaknesses are for me alone to work on. I strive to be better for Andrea, NOT for someone else. I will not change to make another human happy. I will change to make myself whole.
This is a collage I made for my wall, right above my computer. For me it's very motivational. It tels me who I am, where I am going and how I will get there.