we hate being reminded that we are mortal.
actually i think i still have a lot to say. i just read my entry from may 30th, 2007. and i'd like to quote a paragraph from it....
"i dont have any doubts that mortuary science is what im supposed to do anymore. at all. and its not cuz im a weirdo, cuz i think sometimes people question that about me, when i say thats what i wanna do.... dad just told me to read this article. and so i did. and its all about old people living in "rest homes" and how theyre so fragile, and how younger people dont like to see them like that, yelling out for help from nurses, and being so dependent, because "we hate being reminded that we are mortal" but when you think about it, people who are at that stage of life are the awesomest, because you think about everything they've seen in their lifetimes. and i liked in the article how it mentioned thinking about ALL THE PEOPLE THEY HAVE LOVED IN THEIR LIFETIME. and i think thats amazing. and i think that when people face death, it is the most courageous thing ever. and i think that when we lose someone through death, we are made to face a lot of questions. and to deal with a gap that wasnt there a day ago. and so i know that i want to help people through that. even in the slightest way- maybe not even directly. and sometimes i think, i havent been alone in a room with an unprepared body, and that could really freak me out. but i cant get over that idea of looking at someone and thinking about the life they lived, and having anything but the highest respect for that. i dont know much about it yet, but i think i've found my passion. last year, in art, i did a pencil sketch of my grandpa (who died 5 years ago). and it was the first time i ever really sat down and LOOKED at his face. and for that couple of days, weeks maybe, i dont remember, i didnt even listen to what my art teacher told me to fix about the drawing. i just drew what i saw. and i think maybe thats when i realized it. but i didnt even realize i was realizing it. and i guess i just needed to say all of that."
lately i've been explaining to friends and family that i'm gonna stick with the mortuary route because its the only plan i really have. and then i read this paragraph from that entry, and it makes me question: is all of that still reason enough to go ahead with this? because i think at that time, i was able to write about mortuary science like that because i was still in awe. but im not in awe anymore. i was assigned a project to make all the plans for setting up a funeral home. and it has ruined me. at first i liked it, but after reading that entry, and seeing how passionate i was, it makes me feel ruined. because now i can only seem to look at it as a business prospective. i've got business ownership and management in my blood. and ive been around it my whole life. and after studying it, i now see that i have a very natural understanding of business. but now that i'm applying this business perspective to a deep passion, it has stained my passion. all is not lost. but its just something to think about. does the grueling process of college degrees mar the dreamy atmosphere of our goals and passions? or is it a necessary step we must take to make our dreams and passions a reality? i'm still deciding.
and one other thing about the 5/30/07 entry. i sometimes think about those couple times my car got egged. but i forgot that the worst time happened to be on my birthday. not fair. thats all. if i found out who did that, i still have a few words for them and a couple punches too. i'm not an angry person. but i can be made into one. okay. thats all for real.
"i dont have any doubts that mortuary science is what im supposed to do anymore. at all. and its not cuz im a weirdo, cuz i think sometimes people question that about me, when i say thats what i wanna do.... dad just told me to read this article. and so i did. and its all about old people living in "rest homes" and how theyre so fragile, and how younger people dont like to see them like that, yelling out for help from nurses, and being so dependent, because "we hate being reminded that we are mortal" but when you think about it, people who are at that stage of life are the awesomest, because you think about everything they've seen in their lifetimes. and i liked in the article how it mentioned thinking about ALL THE PEOPLE THEY HAVE LOVED IN THEIR LIFETIME. and i think thats amazing. and i think that when people face death, it is the most courageous thing ever. and i think that when we lose someone through death, we are made to face a lot of questions. and to deal with a gap that wasnt there a day ago. and so i know that i want to help people through that. even in the slightest way- maybe not even directly. and sometimes i think, i havent been alone in a room with an unprepared body, and that could really freak me out. but i cant get over that idea of looking at someone and thinking about the life they lived, and having anything but the highest respect for that. i dont know much about it yet, but i think i've found my passion. last year, in art, i did a pencil sketch of my grandpa (who died 5 years ago). and it was the first time i ever really sat down and LOOKED at his face. and for that couple of days, weeks maybe, i dont remember, i didnt even listen to what my art teacher told me to fix about the drawing. i just drew what i saw. and i think maybe thats when i realized it. but i didnt even realize i was realizing it. and i guess i just needed to say all of that."
lately i've been explaining to friends and family that i'm gonna stick with the mortuary route because its the only plan i really have. and then i read this paragraph from that entry, and it makes me question: is all of that still reason enough to go ahead with this? because i think at that time, i was able to write about mortuary science like that because i was still in awe. but im not in awe anymore. i was assigned a project to make all the plans for setting up a funeral home. and it has ruined me. at first i liked it, but after reading that entry, and seeing how passionate i was, it makes me feel ruined. because now i can only seem to look at it as a business prospective. i've got business ownership and management in my blood. and ive been around it my whole life. and after studying it, i now see that i have a very natural understanding of business. but now that i'm applying this business perspective to a deep passion, it has stained my passion. all is not lost. but its just something to think about. does the grueling process of college degrees mar the dreamy atmosphere of our goals and passions? or is it a necessary step we must take to make our dreams and passions a reality? i'm still deciding.
and one other thing about the 5/30/07 entry. i sometimes think about those couple times my car got egged. but i forgot that the worst time happened to be on my birthday. not fair. thats all. if i found out who did that, i still have a few words for them and a couple punches too. i'm not an angry person. but i can be made into one. okay. thats all for real.