Falling Awake
Title: Falling Awake
Rating: T for the first two parts… possibly moving to a mild M in part three (depending on where my muse takes me)
Pairing: Jennifer Jareau/Spencer Reid
Spoilers/Timeline: I was inspired after season 3’s Birthright - anything before and including this episode is fair game.
Author’s Note: This is my first foray into the Criminal Minds fanfiction world. I’ve found these two characters to be incredibly intriguing… so here you have it. This first chapter serves as an introduction of sorts. It’ll probably end up being three parts; part two is nearly finished, and will be much longer. Please enjoy and let me know what you think. Also, the title of the story (and the few lyrics within) is taken from Gary Jules’ song Falling Awake.
Disclaimer: If I owned Criminal Minds, Spencer and JJ would act on the mutual attraction that is, to me, tangible between them. But alas… I own the show naught. So don’t sue. Please.
*
~One foot in the grave
One foot in the shower
There's never time to save
You're paying by the hour ~
*
He was always amazed that she never caught his eyes on her. Never felt his intense stares, so piercing as he tried his best to see through to her soul.
It had been happening more and more frequently.
Spencer Reid was, after all, a profiler by nature. So, at first, when he found his gaze inadvertently wandering to her more often than was the norm, he told himself he was just being observant, just being vigilant. Ever since Elle… left, he had paid more attention to the moods of all of his coworkers; he had missed the signs. They all had.
But now that he was seeing them in her, in the unflappable Jennifer Jareau, he often found himself wishing for that blessed blissful ignorance. Because he knew the signs all too well, from Elle, from his own journey to hell from which he was finally returning. He saw the life, the spark, slowly fading from her once vibrant life; the smile on her lips never reached her eyes anymore, and though she moved with the same force and bravado, all sense of purpose was missing. She was missing.
He felt like a voyeur, watching these private moments of her pain, uninvited, unsuspected. Nevertheless he found himself drawn to her; he always had. But something in her recent change in demeanor stirred up feelings that he had never before felt, desires that he had never before considered possible.
He wanted to protect her. He wanted to save her.
But instead, he watched her. He watched her after Arizona, after she connected with a young girl who was then stabbed to death, and he was there as she comforted that young girl’s friend. He watched her after Jason Clark Battle, after she put a bullet through the man’s eyes. He watched her with victim after victim, the unfaltering strength for the weak and the comforting presence for the mourning. And he watched her, alone in her office, looking at page after page and photo after photo describing the most heinous, deplorable victimizations imaginable.
And he knew that every one of those painful moments haunted her every move.
He finally grows tired of watching. They arrive home from Fredericksburg, and Reid can see that she is pensive. Her answer to Morgan’s drink invitation to the group is distracted, and only he notices; the rest of the team is focused on their boss, but he is focused on her.
Soon, the team disperses, all drink plans forgotten with the upsetting announcement from their leader. Half-hearted ‘goodbye’s and ‘see you Monday’s echo dejectedly through the bullpen, but JJ is silent as she leaves. He reads people for a living, and he’s good at his job, but for as much as he watches her, and for as much as he has come to know all of her moods and faces, he can’t decipher what it is that has invaded her thoughts.
The rest of the team is gone; only he remains in the darkened office, reflecting on his co-workers… and her. When he thinks of all that they have lost, he can barely stand it. Elle nearly lost her life and her sanity. Hotch was slowly losing his family, something that he likened to his humanity. Gideon… it was hard to measure all that Gideon had lost. He’d had everything he held dear to him ripped away, and Reid didn’t know if he was going to find his way back. Prentiss was new to the game, but she was losing some part of her youth, even as she tried desperately to cling to it. Morgan and Garcia both had lost something as Garcia lay bleeding on that operating table; he, a sense of security, and she, a sense of innocence. And Reid, himself… when he thinks of all that’s slipped away, all that he’s clawed his way back from, he can hardly believe that he’s still standing.
His thoughts turn once more to JJ. What has JJ lost? He thinks of her first day, of the bounce in her step and the laughter in her eyes. Suddenly, the look on her face as she left earlier tonight hits him, and he begins to understand what JJ has lost. He is usually a man of careful planning, thought, and consideration, but all of that is thrown to the wind when he decides that he is not going to let her slip away.
*
Part two is on its way soon… I’m almost finished with it. Any encouragement, criticisms, or feedback would be, by me, greatly appreciated and inspirational. Thanks for reading!
Rating: T for the first two parts… possibly moving to a mild M in part three (depending on where my muse takes me)
Pairing: Jennifer Jareau/Spencer Reid
Spoilers/Timeline: I was inspired after season 3’s Birthright - anything before and including this episode is fair game.
Author’s Note: This is my first foray into the Criminal Minds fanfiction world. I’ve found these two characters to be incredibly intriguing… so here you have it. This first chapter serves as an introduction of sorts. It’ll probably end up being three parts; part two is nearly finished, and will be much longer. Please enjoy and let me know what you think. Also, the title of the story (and the few lyrics within) is taken from Gary Jules’ song Falling Awake.
Disclaimer: If I owned Criminal Minds, Spencer and JJ would act on the mutual attraction that is, to me, tangible between them. But alas… I own the show naught. So don’t sue. Please.
*
~One foot in the grave
One foot in the shower
There's never time to save
You're paying by the hour ~
*
He was always amazed that she never caught his eyes on her. Never felt his intense stares, so piercing as he tried his best to see through to her soul.
It had been happening more and more frequently.
Spencer Reid was, after all, a profiler by nature. So, at first, when he found his gaze inadvertently wandering to her more often than was the norm, he told himself he was just being observant, just being vigilant. Ever since Elle… left, he had paid more attention to the moods of all of his coworkers; he had missed the signs. They all had.
But now that he was seeing them in her, in the unflappable Jennifer Jareau, he often found himself wishing for that blessed blissful ignorance. Because he knew the signs all too well, from Elle, from his own journey to hell from which he was finally returning. He saw the life, the spark, slowly fading from her once vibrant life; the smile on her lips never reached her eyes anymore, and though she moved with the same force and bravado, all sense of purpose was missing. She was missing.
He felt like a voyeur, watching these private moments of her pain, uninvited, unsuspected. Nevertheless he found himself drawn to her; he always had. But something in her recent change in demeanor stirred up feelings that he had never before felt, desires that he had never before considered possible.
He wanted to protect her. He wanted to save her.
But instead, he watched her. He watched her after Arizona, after she connected with a young girl who was then stabbed to death, and he was there as she comforted that young girl’s friend. He watched her after Jason Clark Battle, after she put a bullet through the man’s eyes. He watched her with victim after victim, the unfaltering strength for the weak and the comforting presence for the mourning. And he watched her, alone in her office, looking at page after page and photo after photo describing the most heinous, deplorable victimizations imaginable.
And he knew that every one of those painful moments haunted her every move.
He finally grows tired of watching. They arrive home from Fredericksburg, and Reid can see that she is pensive. Her answer to Morgan’s drink invitation to the group is distracted, and only he notices; the rest of the team is focused on their boss, but he is focused on her.
Soon, the team disperses, all drink plans forgotten with the upsetting announcement from their leader. Half-hearted ‘goodbye’s and ‘see you Monday’s echo dejectedly through the bullpen, but JJ is silent as she leaves. He reads people for a living, and he’s good at his job, but for as much as he watches her, and for as much as he has come to know all of her moods and faces, he can’t decipher what it is that has invaded her thoughts.
The rest of the team is gone; only he remains in the darkened office, reflecting on his co-workers… and her. When he thinks of all that they have lost, he can barely stand it. Elle nearly lost her life and her sanity. Hotch was slowly losing his family, something that he likened to his humanity. Gideon… it was hard to measure all that Gideon had lost. He’d had everything he held dear to him ripped away, and Reid didn’t know if he was going to find his way back. Prentiss was new to the game, but she was losing some part of her youth, even as she tried desperately to cling to it. Morgan and Garcia both had lost something as Garcia lay bleeding on that operating table; he, a sense of security, and she, a sense of innocence. And Reid, himself… when he thinks of all that’s slipped away, all that he’s clawed his way back from, he can hardly believe that he’s still standing.
His thoughts turn once more to JJ. What has JJ lost? He thinks of her first day, of the bounce in her step and the laughter in her eyes. Suddenly, the look on her face as she left earlier tonight hits him, and he begins to understand what JJ has lost. He is usually a man of careful planning, thought, and consideration, but all of that is thrown to the wind when he decides that he is not going to let her slip away.
*
Part two is on its way soon… I’m almost finished with it. Any encouragement, criticisms, or feedback would be, by me, greatly appreciated and inspirational. Thanks for reading!