chapter sixty-one.

[molleekate]

the last week and a half has gone by slower than any other week in college.
it's been okay...but just okay.
horribly, horribly lonely.

do you remember what the dorms smelled like when we first moved in?
sometimes, like tonight, i smelled it when i walked in -
and it gave me a sense of hope.
a hope that new things were destined to come, and that i could still go home and come back and the mystery could still be here.

i can't do anything, go anywhere, or see anything without thinking of jonathan.
and it sucks.
i mean, not that i'm reminded of him,
but it's just like salt in an open wound.
he's my best friend.

attractions to other people are a negative.
i mean, don't get me wrong -
i love the attention.
but...
it just, doesn't even compare.

i've been in such a depressed mood today.
i enjoyed bible study at the woodroof's.
but, again, it's always good.

i need to do laundry.
i think i'm going to stay for intersession.

and i might have a job @ the YMCA at home for m-f.
it'd be 40 hours a week.
but, i guess anything to keep from feeling...

i need to learn to not be cynical and pessimistic, it's what got me into this situation in the first place.

i have love.
s'agapeo.