bad tv
I'm learning to cope with being alone rather than feeling lonely.
Everyday I discover something else that pushes me more towards solitude. It's not for an overall unwillingness, a lack in desire to try and pursue things that ultimately will have no good effect on me. It's just that I need a rest, mentally and socially (probably physically as well) from my life. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing anymore. Everyday is like staring at a blank canvas and I'm waiting for something to come to me. I don't know why, but I find this kind of confusion and unrest comforting. And when I have a panic attack, or I get upset and cry, it's not because I'm sad anymore, but because I'm cleaning all this negativity from my life. I feel like someone or soemthing has died (perhaps an old part of me) and I have to let it go before I can move on to the next stage of my life.
I realize that I sound as if I'm settling for a simple life, uncomplicated and unchallenged. That I'm giving myself up to the things in my life which have never betrayed me. But it's more or less I'm accepting these little stints of disappoinment or unhappiness as a just a part of life. I have to keep reminding myself that everyone goes through these and not just me. And that I will get over it. That I have to look for the positive in things, rather than succumbing to the negative.
I must give myself credit for sustaining through much worse. I look back on those times and realize that I've learned so much and grown. And whenever I ever started to question, I understood that some things are just a part of who I am, and that's what gets me through the day.
I sound like something out of a self-help pamphlet. I'm going to go back to watching Honey.
Everyday I discover something else that pushes me more towards solitude. It's not for an overall unwillingness, a lack in desire to try and pursue things that ultimately will have no good effect on me. It's just that I need a rest, mentally and socially (probably physically as well) from my life. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing anymore. Everyday is like staring at a blank canvas and I'm waiting for something to come to me. I don't know why, but I find this kind of confusion and unrest comforting. And when I have a panic attack, or I get upset and cry, it's not because I'm sad anymore, but because I'm cleaning all this negativity from my life. I feel like someone or soemthing has died (perhaps an old part of me) and I have to let it go before I can move on to the next stage of my life.
I realize that I sound as if I'm settling for a simple life, uncomplicated and unchallenged. That I'm giving myself up to the things in my life which have never betrayed me. But it's more or less I'm accepting these little stints of disappoinment or unhappiness as a just a part of life. I have to keep reminding myself that everyone goes through these and not just me. And that I will get over it. That I have to look for the positive in things, rather than succumbing to the negative.
I must give myself credit for sustaining through much worse. I look back on those times and realize that I've learned so much and grown. And whenever I ever started to question, I understood that some things are just a part of who I am, and that's what gets me through the day.
I sound like something out of a self-help pamphlet. I'm going to go back to watching Honey.