the river and the sea.
i cannot, and probably for the sake of my heart and sanity, will not even begin to speak about this entire past week.
i haven't felt this way since chad left. although it's a completely different feeling..it all feels too familiar.
it's reversed and aged a lot, in these 4 years.
i am no longer also on the inside, but on the outside as well. coping. mending. being organized. strong. efficient. productive. in getting the small and big details worked out so that the others i worry most about don't have to.
i do not remember the last time my emotions have fled me so ...the swelling of tear ducts and constant head aches have got to fade.
i cannot even think clearly for myself right now.
i worry most not just for her family, and other close friends i may have never known...
but obviously for Becky and Weston both.
i don't know.
i don't know who i'm talking to anymore on here really.
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" You would know the secret of death. But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind undo the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unemcumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truely dance. "
-the prophet kahlil gibran