Episode 39: Almost there
Hey folks who read my journal. You may have noticed the spaces between my entries, lately. There is a proper reason for it. Since the home pc has broken down/crashed/died and the laptop gives me hell, I won't be online for quite awhile. You may or may not care whether I'm gone or not, whatever. Um, hmmm... I'll be online next week on Friday, at least, hopefully since it's finals week next week. Anyway, let's see what else I haven't written about, hmm...
Christmas is coming by and all I have is $36 in my wallet, which isn't a lot. I do have $50 in the bank, but still, gotta save up. I won't be getting my sis anything for her birthday on Sunday, though she will be getting a calendar for Christmas, as with the rest of the family. I'm thinking about getting a digicam for myself, but with the lack of a properly able computer, it seems kinda useless at the moment. I might get the new Kingdom Hearts game for the GBA or maybe that Kirby game where he uses a cellphone, who knows?
Hmm, what else? Oh! I really need to catch up on my grades, not that they've been dropping. Don't know why, but I seem to have a hard time concentrating on what I should be doing. It's like, I'm psyched to do one thing for a few days, then I lose all concentration/motivation/drive/etc.. the next, and I end up dropping that class. Take for example my Calculus class, I've taken it 2 times already and dropped both of them two weeks later. I do get the feeling that I'm not going to graduate ever, I mean, it doesn't scare me, but it does piss me off sometimes. Maybe it's one of the reasons I'm pissed at myself, maybe it's one of those reasons why I view myself as a failure. Hell, I'm the black sheep in my family. I mean, my sister had honors classes during high school, got pretty much an A+ for each class, and graduated as the top 5 back then. She has a lot more drive than I do. Oh, and the parents praise her often for whatever she does, not like I care a lot. They used to praise me, but that was back during grade 2. *shrug*
Maybe I'll get through to graduating soon, I guess I just need to concentrate much more on academia and less on stuff that I usually do. I have to change a part of me, I guess. I need to somehow become more serious with the things I do, be "serious in life" or something like that. Various 'friends' that I've read journals of, they've grown up. Me, I don't think so. I'm still the same old me, how to change, I hope I'll find out, or I may already have, I just haven't noticed it yet.
Anyway, other than my not graduating soon, let's see.. ah! Lies. I hate 'em. I'm not going to get into it, but it's funny how I've experienced lies with my parents and sometimes, if not always, with my friends. I used to lie a lot ('course, I got harshly punished for it), but I think I've grown out of that by now. Throughout my being here in the US, ever since I moved close to 5 years ago, I've seen a connection, a deep connection, between trust and lies. I never saw that before, but now I do. Lie to someone and you lose their trust, and if you trust someone, you're not supposed to lie about things. It seems that almost everything that's passed by me have been lies. It hurts, sure, but I learn from it. I've got to try not to trust people too often, cause then I just get hurt. *shrug*
Whatever. Somehow, I'll deal with whatever comes my way.
Guess that's it for today. My last entry will be on Friday, the 17th, unless I don't have anything to write about.
Ja ne.
Christmas is coming by and all I have is $36 in my wallet, which isn't a lot. I do have $50 in the bank, but still, gotta save up. I won't be getting my sis anything for her birthday on Sunday, though she will be getting a calendar for Christmas, as with the rest of the family. I'm thinking about getting a digicam for myself, but with the lack of a properly able computer, it seems kinda useless at the moment. I might get the new Kingdom Hearts game for the GBA or maybe that Kirby game where he uses a cellphone, who knows?
Hmm, what else? Oh! I really need to catch up on my grades, not that they've been dropping. Don't know why, but I seem to have a hard time concentrating on what I should be doing. It's like, I'm psyched to do one thing for a few days, then I lose all concentration/motivation/drive/etc.. the next, and I end up dropping that class. Take for example my Calculus class, I've taken it 2 times already and dropped both of them two weeks later. I do get the feeling that I'm not going to graduate ever, I mean, it doesn't scare me, but it does piss me off sometimes. Maybe it's one of the reasons I'm pissed at myself, maybe it's one of those reasons why I view myself as a failure. Hell, I'm the black sheep in my family. I mean, my sister had honors classes during high school, got pretty much an A+ for each class, and graduated as the top 5 back then. She has a lot more drive than I do. Oh, and the parents praise her often for whatever she does, not like I care a lot. They used to praise me, but that was back during grade 2. *shrug*
Maybe I'll get through to graduating soon, I guess I just need to concentrate much more on academia and less on stuff that I usually do. I have to change a part of me, I guess. I need to somehow become more serious with the things I do, be "serious in life" or something like that. Various 'friends' that I've read journals of, they've grown up. Me, I don't think so. I'm still the same old me, how to change, I hope I'll find out, or I may already have, I just haven't noticed it yet.
Anyway, other than my not graduating soon, let's see.. ah! Lies. I hate 'em. I'm not going to get into it, but it's funny how I've experienced lies with my parents and sometimes, if not always, with my friends. I used to lie a lot ('course, I got harshly punished for it), but I think I've grown out of that by now. Throughout my being here in the US, ever since I moved close to 5 years ago, I've seen a connection, a deep connection, between trust and lies. I never saw that before, but now I do. Lie to someone and you lose their trust, and if you trust someone, you're not supposed to lie about things. It seems that almost everything that's passed by me have been lies. It hurts, sure, but I learn from it. I've got to try not to trust people too often, cause then I just get hurt. *shrug*
Whatever. Somehow, I'll deal with whatever comes my way.
Guess that's it for today. My last entry will be on Friday, the 17th, unless I don't have anything to write about.
Ja ne.