CONFUSION HAUNTS, REALITY KILLS.
..bleh.
umm sooo yea. yesterday, i hung out with mikey. we toked a bowl, then went and picked up ash and went to cvs. after hangin for a minute, i dropped mikey off and went in search of new colored pencils. i picked up a sweet pack, tracing paper, and a new sketch book. i was excited to get home and start the finishing touches of the newest tat. i DID finish the picture, however, im not exactly sure where to get this last piece on my body. it's part of the tat i have on my chest, tho there really isnt any ideal room for the rose.. shit.
i want to take an art class at mercer BADLY!! my gram is the one pushing me to do it, and she will pay for it, the only problem is, i know there will be other money involved with getting supplies and whatnot, and i dont have that right now. hell, i dont even have a fucking job! UGH!!!! she hates it.
eventually.. i was even thinking of talking to my dad's girl friend and seeing if she wants a roomate. she lives in trenton, or ewing i think.. that way i wouldn't be distracted by gram.. and all the spoiling she is doing to me. jeeez. i need to get a job first, before i make ANY other rash decisions. i hate life.. its way too confusing.
when im drawing or painting or being artistic that way, my mind races, on issues that i bury in the back of my mind. they are buried to prevent them from burdening me any further. of course, the one thing i always think about is the alone feeling i always carry. i have such a HUGE crush on someone, and they know it. we hang out occasionally. it's not really going anywhere, and im not sure if i should expect it to. i was considering talking to them, BUT i've pushed the issue already, and i don't know if i should again. not so much "push" but make it known how i feel. i dunno. CONFUSION HAUNTS, REALITY KILLS. what to do what to do..
i haven't talked to dj since that friday we had made plans.. that never happened. i think the only thing the future holds for us is a friendship. and that's that. i just feel that i can't hang out for a while, bc every time we do, something happens, and i have to stop it from going any further. that scares me. come to think of it, life scares me, people scare me, EVERYTHING scares me. i think i want to move to florida, or somewhere down south on the coast, and make a new life for myself. go to school, get a job/appartment. that wont happen for a while. i just have to work for it. thats all.
i have to go look for a job. wish me luck!
<3
moks* (red, I MISS YOU!)
umm sooo yea. yesterday, i hung out with mikey. we toked a bowl, then went and picked up ash and went to cvs. after hangin for a minute, i dropped mikey off and went in search of new colored pencils. i picked up a sweet pack, tracing paper, and a new sketch book. i was excited to get home and start the finishing touches of the newest tat. i DID finish the picture, however, im not exactly sure where to get this last piece on my body. it's part of the tat i have on my chest, tho there really isnt any ideal room for the rose.. shit.
i want to take an art class at mercer BADLY!! my gram is the one pushing me to do it, and she will pay for it, the only problem is, i know there will be other money involved with getting supplies and whatnot, and i dont have that right now. hell, i dont even have a fucking job! UGH!!!! she hates it.
eventually.. i was even thinking of talking to my dad's girl friend and seeing if she wants a roomate. she lives in trenton, or ewing i think.. that way i wouldn't be distracted by gram.. and all the spoiling she is doing to me. jeeez. i need to get a job first, before i make ANY other rash decisions. i hate life.. its way too confusing.
when im drawing or painting or being artistic that way, my mind races, on issues that i bury in the back of my mind. they are buried to prevent them from burdening me any further. of course, the one thing i always think about is the alone feeling i always carry. i have such a HUGE crush on someone, and they know it. we hang out occasionally. it's not really going anywhere, and im not sure if i should expect it to. i was considering talking to them, BUT i've pushed the issue already, and i don't know if i should again. not so much "push" but make it known how i feel. i dunno. CONFUSION HAUNTS, REALITY KILLS. what to do what to do..
i haven't talked to dj since that friday we had made plans.. that never happened. i think the only thing the future holds for us is a friendship. and that's that. i just feel that i can't hang out for a while, bc every time we do, something happens, and i have to stop it from going any further. that scares me. come to think of it, life scares me, people scare me, EVERYTHING scares me. i think i want to move to florida, or somewhere down south on the coast, and make a new life for myself. go to school, get a job/appartment. that wont happen for a while. i just have to work for it. thats all.
i have to go look for a job. wish me luck!
<3
moks* (red, I MISS YOU!)