Three Little Words
That's my favorite Bob Marley song. Oh wait...*rimshot*
I miss you.
Those three little words can bring me right out of a depression. Maybe that's being a bit dramatic, but they mean the world to me. See, I've always had a fear of abandonment. ALWAYS. I cannot remember a time when this was not the case. As a little girl, if I lost sight of my mother in a store, I'd have a meltdown. I just knew I'd never see her again. No matter how many times she hugged me and assured me she'd never, ever leave me behind--and now that I'm grown, I know this was true--I could not be convinced. The nagging fear always lurked in my mind, often more in the forefront than the background.
I worried about everyone leaving me. Well, everyone I was ever close to. And it wasn't just physical abandonment I feared. I worried my best friend (or any of my friends) would hate me all of a sudden, and it happened enough to reinforce that fear. Once I was old enough to have a boyfriend, I constantly feared being broken up with. It didn't really happen abruptly until I was an adult, but by that time I'd gotten so good at gauging those feelings that I could actually see it coming. Didn't help me feel better about it, but I could tell the second the relationship was over. Sure, I suspected it way more than that, but I could definitely tell when reality matched my fear. As a matter of fact, I even predicted my roommate's ex breaking up with her because I could feel him acting weird. Sure enough, he dumped her that weekend. She never saw it coming.
Added to my fear of abandonment, or perhaps an offshoot of it, is my worst fear: being forgotten (roaches come in a close second). If I'm forgotten, especially once I'm dead and gone, what use has my life been? What was the whole point of my existence? Now, I don't plan on having kids, so people won't remember me that way. People will have to actually remember me. Even now, I wonder if the people I'm closest to think of me when I'm not around. I'm just not secure in the belief that they do, and that's why those three little words mean so much to me. Hearing "I miss you" is proof that I make a difference to people. It means people want me around, and are thinking about me when I'm gone. It helps combat that petrifying fear of abandonment I've felt all my life.
"I love you" are probably what most people think of when they hear the phrase "three little words." But to me, "I miss you" is much more powerful. I don't expect to hear "I love you" from most people. Love is a heavy emotion, and not everyone can feel it for everyone. I understand that. But many more people can miss you. Even casual acquaintances can miss you. I don't expect the people I see in the office to love me. I don't expect the dude I met on a dating site and went out with a couple of times to love me. But when he wrote that he missed seeing me (at an event I couldn't attend), I was so flattered. Here's somebody who barely knows me and he likes me enough to miss my presence. In college, I returned from a semester abroad and went to a house party, where I saw a roommate of one of my friends. Scott (the roommate) threw his arms around me and said "I missed you!!" Scott and I were friendly but not close, so I was just blown away.
I love it when people miss me. :)
I miss you.
Those three little words can bring me right out of a depression. Maybe that's being a bit dramatic, but they mean the world to me. See, I've always had a fear of abandonment. ALWAYS. I cannot remember a time when this was not the case. As a little girl, if I lost sight of my mother in a store, I'd have a meltdown. I just knew I'd never see her again. No matter how many times she hugged me and assured me she'd never, ever leave me behind--and now that I'm grown, I know this was true--I could not be convinced. The nagging fear always lurked in my mind, often more in the forefront than the background.
I worried about everyone leaving me. Well, everyone I was ever close to. And it wasn't just physical abandonment I feared. I worried my best friend (or any of my friends) would hate me all of a sudden, and it happened enough to reinforce that fear. Once I was old enough to have a boyfriend, I constantly feared being broken up with. It didn't really happen abruptly until I was an adult, but by that time I'd gotten so good at gauging those feelings that I could actually see it coming. Didn't help me feel better about it, but I could tell the second the relationship was over. Sure, I suspected it way more than that, but I could definitely tell when reality matched my fear. As a matter of fact, I even predicted my roommate's ex breaking up with her because I could feel him acting weird. Sure enough, he dumped her that weekend. She never saw it coming.
Added to my fear of abandonment, or perhaps an offshoot of it, is my worst fear: being forgotten (roaches come in a close second). If I'm forgotten, especially once I'm dead and gone, what use has my life been? What was the whole point of my existence? Now, I don't plan on having kids, so people won't remember me that way. People will have to actually remember me. Even now, I wonder if the people I'm closest to think of me when I'm not around. I'm just not secure in the belief that they do, and that's why those three little words mean so much to me. Hearing "I miss you" is proof that I make a difference to people. It means people want me around, and are thinking about me when I'm gone. It helps combat that petrifying fear of abandonment I've felt all my life.
"I love you" are probably what most people think of when they hear the phrase "three little words." But to me, "I miss you" is much more powerful. I don't expect to hear "I love you" from most people. Love is a heavy emotion, and not everyone can feel it for everyone. I understand that. But many more people can miss you. Even casual acquaintances can miss you. I don't expect the people I see in the office to love me. I don't expect the dude I met on a dating site and went out with a couple of times to love me. But when he wrote that he missed seeing me (at an event I couldn't attend), I was so flattered. Here's somebody who barely knows me and he likes me enough to miss my presence. In college, I returned from a semester abroad and went to a house party, where I saw a roommate of one of my friends. Scott (the roommate) threw his arms around me and said "I missed you!!" Scott and I were friendly but not close, so I was just blown away.
I love it when people miss me. :)