(no subject)
Okay peeps, I have no fucking idea what to do. Jenn... so many GOOD things can be said about her. But then there's the bad. And the bad happen to be... well... bad. Brandon-Kyler. Eric-Pete. That's how it went. But she was fine with B until he was in jail. And Eric was just a frat fuck from Millersville, so I KNOW he wasn't able to please Jenn, one of the hardestcorest muthas I've ever known. But still, it makes you wonder. Brandon-Kyler. Eric-Pete. John-? I don't know whether to continue to trust her like I have the past year and a half, and ESPECIALLY now, or to just say fuck it and don't even bother myself with the possibility that she could (obviously) cheat on me. I mean, I don't really have a problem with people cheating on others. It's a means of survival. But when it comes down to me and this girl, I don't know what the fuck to do. I certainly... I don't know. I guess I just need her reassurance, but I don't want to hear it since I KNOW FOR A FACT that I won't believe it until she proves otherwise now. I don't know why I posted this shit or why I even bother thinking about it or why I even bother trying to start a relationship with someone, since that "someone" (and they all have been like this) tend to be some of the most untrustworthy people alive... maybe I should just stick to polygamy. BUT I DON'T FUCKIN WANT TO, DAMMIT! I WANT to settle down. I WANT to fall in love. I WANT to be happy. But, for some fucked up reason, happiness only finds me in short, sporadic movements, if that. So FUCK everything I've been working towards these past couple weeks and FUCK everyone I've ever tried creating something insanely great with.