Lessons learned from Drink
So first off I am really as good a dancer as my friends have always said. I don't know why I refuse to believe them, but I always have and probably will continue to do so. But, this night, I go out to the dance floor to collect Jim so I can drive his drunk ass home. It turns out that he doesn't want to leave the dance floor, so there I am stuck and stranded in the middle of a the dance floor with nothing to do. I start doing the solo dance which unless you are a totally amazing dancer you will look like you are just some white boy in the middle of your middle school dance (note: yes even black and hispanic guys will resemble white men dancing if stuck by themselves.) So after a while a girl, who is dancing with another guy bumps into me. The boy is behind her and so I initiate the sandwich maneuver. Then without warning she ditches the other boy and I am suddenly mugged like rum (English term for totally getting jumped for my bones.) There I am stuck on a dance floor with some random chick trying to stick her tongue down my throat, and I don't even know her freaking name. I got a friggin girlfriend what the fucking hell!!!! So my friends are laughing, Pat is grabbing my ass, Lisa is almost in tears, suddenly Jim has no dance partner and looks angry. There I am the guy who has not entered the dance floor all night, walks on to it and less than 1 minute is effectively getting raped. I try to get away and I am trapped. Well on a positive note if she hasn't had mono, congratulations girl. Maybe you should ask a guy if he wants to kiss you before you physically assault him with you freaking mouth. But, it does raise the old ego a little bit when a chick (even drunk) who randomly wants you for your jock. Anyways finally Pat who weighs like 275-300 lbs decided that he would run protection for me and I was able to escape the clutches of the evil Delilah.