(no subject)
So....I had a very unpleasant weekend. I hung out with my friends, and although everything was smiles on the outside, I was bleeding inside. Some words that were said cut deep, even though the intentions to do so were not there. I decided earlier this week that I am going to send James the journal entry in here where I vent about how hurt I am because of his lack of support. I want him to mull it over on his long drive home. Maybe something will change, maybe it will be good, maybe not, but he needs to see how he hurts me. The topic of James's and my relationship came up again among friends, and comments like, "well at least i am not with someone who doesnt want to be with me," were said. James did not thing when that was said to me. Nor did he defend anything when Joe and Amanda started in on us about the same thing, James just sat there. Words peirced me through. I told James about it later, asked him why he refused to stand up for me, he simply said I was doing fine on my own. That made me so angry. As does the fact that he has a girl that hits on him at work, and he will not tell her that he is involved, or that he is seeing someone, not a hint that I exist in his life. His reply to my complaint about that was simply that they werent important enough to know his personal business. :::Sigh::: No matter the situation I always bring up James, and even when explaining the complicated situation between me and him, I am always very quick to say that although I am not officially in a relationship, I love him. All of this stuff makes me so angry that I want to cry. But I try not to. I try to focus on other things, things that I need to be focusing more attention on. It doesnt always work. And more often than not, I come back to hear, to cry my tears out on the comupter and try and figure out my life.