Enough is Enough
Ok there is something I need to get off my chest. I did not get much sleep last night, I tossed and turned, thinking mainly about how upsetting this whole thing with melody is. Its ridiculous to pretend that she isn’t there, or to be less than civil when she is in the room, so I am done with it. And while I am sure her behavior towards me will not change, I am supposed to do unto others as I’d have done to me, not do unto others what they do to you. So I will smile, and wave, just as I would an old acquaintance, or someone from my past that I once knew by face alone. And I also offer this olive branch. An apology, that I know will fall on deaf ears, except for maybe the few ghosts from my past, still here, checking in once in a while to see what’s going on in my life. And while I realize that she will never see this little entry, and even if she did it probably wouldn’t change anything, I still feel the need to write it. To put it on paper (cyber paper?) and let it be seen by the world.
:::Sign of the Cross:::
“ I absolve you of your sins, my son.”
Right. So here it goes…
Melody,
I am sorry for my angered words, my bitterness, like acid on my tongue, and probably like acid to your ears as well. I should have waited before posting my anger, my frustration, or in the least, kept it from your eyes to have spared your feelings. I did not mean it as any kind of attack, and I am sorry that an attack is how it was written, or how it was perceived. I hate that you felt like I was using your own frustrations and your own venting against you, I wasn’t. My venting in my journal had nothing to do with your venting in yours, and I am really sorry that you felt the need to change and/or delete your entire journal to keep me out. At the point in which you said you didn’t care to be my friend anymore, I was gone, I respected your wishes, and I still do.
As for my wanting you to stand up for yourself, I will not apologize for that. I care too much for you to see you stepped on, and manipulated, and I am happy for you that you have new friends who are helping you. Good, great, but I remember when all those great friends would ebb and you would feel left with nothing, that is when I really wanted you to be able to rely on yourself, to be able to say no when being take advantage of. I hated to see your hurt because of your passiveness, in which you claimed to be so happy in. But that, of course, is your choice to make, not mine to judge, and if you chose to live your life that way then ok.
And as much as you hate me right now, as much as my name, or the sight of me makes you livid, know that I am still here. You know how to find me, and if you ever feel as though the world is crashing in around you, your feeling nostalgic, or you just get bored one day, you can always come here, I will never turn you away.
So there it is kids, a real, live apology. And while I am sure it will change nothing, at least I made my mends, at least I know, and so do you my ghost of an audience, that I wasn’t willing to just throw away 8 years of a friendship on a silly little fight through this live journal.
:::Sign of the Cross:::
“ I absolve you of your sins, my son.”
Right. So here it goes…
Melody,
I am sorry for my angered words, my bitterness, like acid on my tongue, and probably like acid to your ears as well. I should have waited before posting my anger, my frustration, or in the least, kept it from your eyes to have spared your feelings. I did not mean it as any kind of attack, and I am sorry that an attack is how it was written, or how it was perceived. I hate that you felt like I was using your own frustrations and your own venting against you, I wasn’t. My venting in my journal had nothing to do with your venting in yours, and I am really sorry that you felt the need to change and/or delete your entire journal to keep me out. At the point in which you said you didn’t care to be my friend anymore, I was gone, I respected your wishes, and I still do.
As for my wanting you to stand up for yourself, I will not apologize for that. I care too much for you to see you stepped on, and manipulated, and I am happy for you that you have new friends who are helping you. Good, great, but I remember when all those great friends would ebb and you would feel left with nothing, that is when I really wanted you to be able to rely on yourself, to be able to say no when being take advantage of. I hated to see your hurt because of your passiveness, in which you claimed to be so happy in. But that, of course, is your choice to make, not mine to judge, and if you chose to live your life that way then ok.
And as much as you hate me right now, as much as my name, or the sight of me makes you livid, know that I am still here. You know how to find me, and if you ever feel as though the world is crashing in around you, your feeling nostalgic, or you just get bored one day, you can always come here, I will never turn you away.
So there it is kids, a real, live apology. And while I am sure it will change nothing, at least I made my mends, at least I know, and so do you my ghost of an audience, that I wasn’t willing to just throw away 8 years of a friendship on a silly little fight through this live journal.