(no subject)
May 6th:
Finals are done. I am happy, I am tired. For the first time since I started UTEP I will be taking summer school. Brillant planning on my part, the one summer I am going to be working fulltime, I am going to be going to school as well. :::Sigh::: It needs to be done, I still have 2 years, but those two years come quickly.
I am ready to be done, but I am terrified to be in an actual classroom. I am terrified that I will do no good for my kids. This thought, this doubt, gnaws at me horribly.
Got angry at work. I love my job, I do not like some of the people I work with sometimes. I need to find a devotional that will keep me encouraged when I am about ready to lose it. David frustrates me. Again, I stick my neck out for someone and it turns sour. He hasnt been there 3 months and he is chomping at the bit to quit. I refered Joe to them as well, I am going to give up telling my friends about jobs there. Its just not worth it. I hope Joe doesn't let me down.
i see james very little during the week. He works 55hrs/week. I get lonely, but we need time away from each other, so its positive. He frustrates me, God knows I love him, but he can wear me down at times. I will not bore you with my frustrations here.
Tania is graduating Sat. from NMSU. I am so proud of her! I wish I were there. I can't believe we are getting so old, so like adults. WOW.
At church they want James to start singing on Wed. nights. They want us to help with the youth group as well. Or so I thought. They want James. I am a little hurt. its not personal, I know, but even still. Its always James. I am invisible, and that is not a good feeling.
I am continously seeking God. I want to be on fire for Him. I want to be consumed. I prayed for that, I hope I am changed.
I have begun to look like total crud lately. Even my mom commented on it. Its times like this where it is really easy to fall into depression and hide. I am fighting that impulse.
Thought about Melody the other day. It was her birthday. Thought about emailing her a "happy b-day" but decided against it. We aren't friends anymore, I have to keep reminding myself of that. I hear she is pregnant again, and living with the dad of the newest addition. I am glad she is happy from what I hear. I still pray for her every night. God bless you and keep you Mel, Will-Chicka, where ever you are.
Speaking of Chicka's, I saw Merica at the mall a few weeks ago. She is married with one on the way. She really looked happy, and I am so glad. I would love to see Roleen one of these days, maybe one day, I will.
We saw pictures from an Isreal trip some people from our church took. I want to go. I have been itching to travel, but to see Isreal is not an itch, its a deep down desire, not a priveledge, but a need. How amazing to walk, where Jesus walked, to sit and read scripture from the exact place that He spoke it. Just amazing.
May 6th- Its time to end my evening. Time to cozy up with prayers and dreams. Anyone who actually reads this: I love you for caring.
Finals are done. I am happy, I am tired. For the first time since I started UTEP I will be taking summer school. Brillant planning on my part, the one summer I am going to be working fulltime, I am going to be going to school as well. :::Sigh::: It needs to be done, I still have 2 years, but those two years come quickly.
I am ready to be done, but I am terrified to be in an actual classroom. I am terrified that I will do no good for my kids. This thought, this doubt, gnaws at me horribly.
Got angry at work. I love my job, I do not like some of the people I work with sometimes. I need to find a devotional that will keep me encouraged when I am about ready to lose it. David frustrates me. Again, I stick my neck out for someone and it turns sour. He hasnt been there 3 months and he is chomping at the bit to quit. I refered Joe to them as well, I am going to give up telling my friends about jobs there. Its just not worth it. I hope Joe doesn't let me down.
i see james very little during the week. He works 55hrs/week. I get lonely, but we need time away from each other, so its positive. He frustrates me, God knows I love him, but he can wear me down at times. I will not bore you with my frustrations here.
Tania is graduating Sat. from NMSU. I am so proud of her! I wish I were there. I can't believe we are getting so old, so like adults. WOW.
At church they want James to start singing on Wed. nights. They want us to help with the youth group as well. Or so I thought. They want James. I am a little hurt. its not personal, I know, but even still. Its always James. I am invisible, and that is not a good feeling.
I am continously seeking God. I want to be on fire for Him. I want to be consumed. I prayed for that, I hope I am changed.
I have begun to look like total crud lately. Even my mom commented on it. Its times like this where it is really easy to fall into depression and hide. I am fighting that impulse.
Thought about Melody the other day. It was her birthday. Thought about emailing her a "happy b-day" but decided against it. We aren't friends anymore, I have to keep reminding myself of that. I hear she is pregnant again, and living with the dad of the newest addition. I am glad she is happy from what I hear. I still pray for her every night. God bless you and keep you Mel, Will-Chicka, where ever you are.
Speaking of Chicka's, I saw Merica at the mall a few weeks ago. She is married with one on the way. She really looked happy, and I am so glad. I would love to see Roleen one of these days, maybe one day, I will.
We saw pictures from an Isreal trip some people from our church took. I want to go. I have been itching to travel, but to see Isreal is not an itch, its a deep down desire, not a priveledge, but a need. How amazing to walk, where Jesus walked, to sit and read scripture from the exact place that He spoke it. Just amazing.
May 6th- Its time to end my evening. Time to cozy up with prayers and dreams. Anyone who actually reads this: I love you for caring.