(no subject)
Written by: Me?
Paring: JaeMin (Though it could be anyone else I guess?)
Genre: Angst
Summary: What do you do when you're not really sure about your feelings for a friend?
Disclaimer: I'll cry from happiness the day I own anything, I'll die the day I own anyone
I pick up the shirt from the bag, it still smells like you, it has been pressed against a damp towel but your scent remains. It isn't sweet or sour, it is spicy and comforting, it is the smell I smell when I come to you, sad and lost, you take me in your strong arms and for a little while I trust you when you tell me it will all be okay.
Someone calls my name from the next room and I throw the shirt back into the bag. I follow the voice, it is him, your arm is draped around his shoulder and you look so happy. I smile and you beam back. He smiles as well, he is glad to have you back, he has been lonely without you and I know you have missed him terribly, we didn't speak of it much while we were away, just you and me. And all the other people who were there. They kept asking us what was going on. 'Are you together?', 'Hey, what's up with the two of you?' and every time we gave them the same answer. 'Nothing, we are just friends'. Which is the truth, we could never be anything but friends.
When we were there you hugged me every chance you had, you told me how much I meant to you, that you didn't know how you would ever cope without out friendship. Friendship. That's it. We're best friends, nothing more, and even though people have been setting us up ever since we became friends it would never work, would it? I look at the two of you again, his arms have found their way around your waist and you kiss him on the top of the head.
I imagine that I'm the one standing there in your arms, is that what I want? Do I want you to hug and kiss me? I don't know. I have always pushed that thought so far away, laughed at it and thought it ridiculous. But what if? What if it actually happened? I wouldn't fight it, that's for sure, I wouldn't say 'No, this is won't work.' 'Cause it would, it would be perfect, we can talk about anything, we never get tired of each other, we are comfortable and I miss you when you aren't here, I do, I want you breathing down my neck 24/7 if I could.
And we were good this past week, when he wasn't there, I loved the way we could just glance at each other and know exactly what the other was thinking, I loved that one little gesture, one little word could make both of us double over in laughter leaving everyone else with raised eyebrows. I loved that you told me you couldn't survive there without me. And most of all I loved the note you left me when we got home.
I know I said this before, but it wouldn't have been the same without you.
Thank you for a lot of fun and a lot of long, but good talks about everything and nothing.
Don't ever forget how much you mean to me, and be sure to remember how much I cherish our friendship.
Good night
And now what? I can't tell you can I? That would just mess things up even more, and I'm not even sure if I feel like that, and I don't think you do. You have him anyway, though I have a feeling that something is wrong between you, but you won't tell me. That is the one thing you won't talk about. 'Our relationship is between you and me. Not you me and him. Just like my relationship with him is between me and him, not you, him and me.' I sat in silence after that statement. There was one thing you said that made me wonder though. 'I can't talk with him like I can with you, it's just... forget it.' I didn't get any more out of you.
Someone calls my name again, I look up at my you and your lover. Had it been just the two of us I would have grabbed your hand or let you put an arm around me. But he is here now. So I keep my distance and let the two of you have your space, you have missed each other like any other couple would. The others join us and I feel so impossibly lonely, in spite of that I smile and laugh as if nothing is wrong.
You notice though, you tilt your head and raise an eyebrow. You toss your head toward the door, I know you want to know what is wrong. I shake my head. I wouldn't know what to tell you.
--
I don't really know what to say about this...
Other than the fact that there might be a little too much truth in it.
Comments are very welcomed, even if you don't like it..