Funny, but I've recently changed my mind on the whole parental notification idea. Previously, I had believed it was a bad idea to require parental notification for a variety of reasons (violence by parents, most importantly). However, after volunteering with a group of teens for a few summers, it is now my experienced opinion that 9 out of 10 teens get pregnant because they are stupidly, intentionally reckless, and not because they are ignorant of the facts about pregnancy and STDs, or because they are a victim of rape or incest.
I can tell you from my experience, that most of the very young girls I knew would flaunt their sexuality openly. From their clothes to the number of colored bracelets they wore (there were "secret codes" in the color & numbers of bracelets, signifying one's sexual prowess), these girls oozed a willingness for sexual encounters. There was absolutely no sense of propriety, shame, or self-respect... only a desire to get into as much trouble as possible, to prove they were "cool."
And before you ask... no, these girls were not abused or came from poor homes. Most of them were well loved by their clueless, manipulated parents, and they wanted for nothing material (hell, they had better, more expensive equipment and clothes than I had!).
Getting back on track... the hardest part for me as a councellor in this situation (and what ultimately made me walk away from the program entirely) was that I was legally gagged from telling the parents what their rotten kids were doing behind their backs (because of the fear of an adult's reprisal). Hell, if you asked me, I think most of those teens could have used a little more reprisal! I certainly would be appalled if my daughter ran around like these girls did: all sweet and loving and "normal" to mom and dad, but wearing little more than thongs and peek-a-boo bras at rave parties come 11pm on Saturday nights.
So, basically, because of a parental gag rule, there wasn't a thing I could do to prevent these kids from going out an engaging in risky, stupid sexual behavior. Sure, I would educate them on the worst-case scenarios, and plead with them to wait until they were a little more mature to handle the pressure than comes with sex. However, in every single case (not a single exception to this rule in all the time I was doing this), my educated words always fell on deaf ears. Every single one of those kids went out and had extremely risky sexual encounters, in situations usually involving alcohol, drugs, fast-speed driving, and sometimes, multiple partners and cameras rolling (if you get my meaning there).
Why did they do it? I've got my theories... One, there's a power that comes from knowing you're sexually wanted, especially as a naive, younger teen, and many girls get off on that trip. Others enjoy getting material goods from boys, so they'll do whatever is "required" to keep getting their boyfriend to pay their cellphone bills, or to take them out to eat, or to buy them new shoes (I knew of at least 2 who did this, and admitted it without shame). Some girls intentionally get pregnant with boyfriends, because they are hoping their guy will instantly turn into Prince Charming and will sweep them off their feet & out of their "oppressive" homes. Some get pregnant because they believe it will make them independent of their mothers (whom they also find "oppressive"), because they will then be on "equal footing" (being a mother themselves). And some get pregnant for the novelty of the idea (ever hear of "Prom Babies"???).
In any case, if I hadn't been gagged from telling the parents the truth about their kids earlier on, I think most of them would have been stopped from engaging in some really stupid behavior. I know of at least one girl out there who will be living with herpes for the rest of her life, and another who had a kid at age 16, dropped out of high school, and now can only get jobs at places like Burger King. Life is going to be really tough for those girls as a result. That's why it's my opinion that gag rules and parental notification laws really aren't doing much but stopping people in a position of authority to protect kids.
I can tell you from my experience, that most of the very young girls I knew would flaunt their sexuality openly. From their clothes to the number of colored bracelets they wore (there were "secret codes" in the color & numbers of bracelets, signifying one's sexual prowess), these girls oozed a willingness for sexual encounters. There was absolutely no sense of propriety, shame, or self-respect... only a desire to get into as much trouble as possible, to prove they were "cool."
And before you ask... no, these girls were not abused or came from poor homes. Most of them were well loved by their clueless, manipulated parents, and they wanted for nothing material (hell, they had better, more expensive equipment and clothes than I had!).
Getting back on track... the hardest part for me as a councellor in this situation (and what ultimately made me walk away from the program entirely) was that I was legally gagged from telling the parents what their rotten kids were doing behind their backs (because of the fear of an adult's reprisal). Hell, if you asked me, I think most of those teens could have used a little more reprisal! I certainly would be appalled if my daughter ran around like these girls did: all sweet and loving and "normal" to mom and dad, but wearing little more than thongs and peek-a-boo bras at rave parties come 11pm on Saturday nights.
So, basically, because of a parental gag rule, there wasn't a thing I could do to prevent these kids from going out an engaging in risky, stupid sexual behavior. Sure, I would educate them on the worst-case scenarios, and plead with them to wait until they were a little more mature to handle the pressure than comes with sex. However, in every single case (not a single exception to this rule in all the time I was doing this), my educated words always fell on deaf ears. Every single one of those kids went out and had extremely risky sexual encounters, in situations usually involving alcohol, drugs, fast-speed driving, and sometimes, multiple partners and cameras rolling (if you get my meaning there).
Why did they do it? I've got my theories... One, there's a power that comes from knowing you're sexually wanted, especially as a naive, younger teen, and many girls get off on that trip. Others enjoy getting material goods from boys, so they'll do whatever is "required" to keep getting their boyfriend to pay their cellphone bills, or to take them out to eat, or to buy them new shoes (I knew of at least 2 who did this, and admitted it without shame). Some girls intentionally get pregnant with boyfriends, because they are hoping their guy will instantly turn into Prince Charming and will sweep them off their feet & out of their "oppressive" homes. Some get pregnant because they believe it will make them independent of their mothers (whom they also find "oppressive"), because they will then be on "equal footing" (being a mother themselves). And some get pregnant for the novelty of the idea (ever hear of "Prom Babies"???).
In any case, if I hadn't been gagged from telling the parents the truth about their kids earlier on, I think most of them would have been stopped from engaging in some really stupid behavior. I know of at least one girl out there who will be living with herpes for the rest of her life, and another who had a kid at age 16, dropped out of high school, and now can only get jobs at places like Burger King. Life is going to be really tough for those girls as a result. That's why it's my opinion that gag rules and parental notification laws really aren't doing much but stopping people in a position of authority to protect kids.
Just my 2 cents on the issue.
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