Why I am not a Buddhist, and other musings
"I found myself coming back again and again to a line from Rinpoche's teachings: The world and beings, mansion and deity, dissolve into luminous space."' There was a great solace in this insight into the impermanence of everything--the deity, my brother, my self, everyone and all things." from the forward to Skillful Grace: Tara Practice for Our Times
See, this doesn't give me solace. As you may note from my most recent dream posting, thoughts like this fill me with horrible sadness. The last thing in the world I want is for everyone and everything I care about to dissolve into space. And as you may note from my recent accidental pseudo acid trip, I found dissolving personally to be NO FUN AT ALL.
I don't want to dissolve, except in moments of utmost despair. I'd rather enjoy life. And again, I don't want those I love to dissolve, either. I want them to enjoy life even more than I want myself to. When it comes to impermanence, I'm not into stoic acceptance; I'm much more the "rage, rage against the dying of the light" type.
Which goes a lot towards the other thing I don't get/don't like about Buddhism. While Buddhist friends keep assuring me that "Non-attachment" and "detachment" aren't the same thing, I sure can't tell the difference. And avoiding suffering is a laudable goal, but it seems kinda sad and useless as an ultimate goal. I want to experience pleasure and immerse myself in the full spectrum of sensory and spiritual joy. (whether spiritual joy should be included under sensory or visa versa, I'll leave to someone else to sort out). Yes, abvoiding suffering helps you do these things, but if you can only avoid by not caring, what's the point?
Don't get me wrong--I love a lot of things about Buddhism. Especially Tara-centered Buddhism, as that seems to ditchthe exism that permeates certain other paths. And Buddhists actually seem to care quite a lot, and be into helping others avoid dissolving,. Which is good. I love the meditation and the mandalas, and wish to do more of it. But my ultimate goals are not their ultimate goals.
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Re: avoiding dissolution, and raging against the dying of the light writ large:
I want to applaud the people taking part in "Occupy Wall Street" and related demonstrations. I am aware that these demonstrations are also eliciting a certain amount of scorn, with a lot of orchestrated derision being heaped upon them, which I worry will in turn spawn a negative reaction from the populace at large.
In light of that, I want to repost here a portion of what I said to someone who made what I *think* was a totally serious comment about throwing water on the dirty hippies who lack a clear messagel (skipping the parts where I said I like hippies, they are as clean as anyone, and that unions and other non-hippies were now joining in):
"Let's say I agree that the people staging these protests are doing things very differently than I would (or think they should, and they are) ... At least they are doing *something* (about the world going straight to hell). It's a start, and they are trying. For this they deserve support, encouragement, advice and assistance, not scorn. Beats the fuck out of preceding through life with your head down and hoping someone else pops out of the woodwork to fix things, yes?"
See, this doesn't give me solace. As you may note from my most recent dream posting, thoughts like this fill me with horrible sadness. The last thing in the world I want is for everyone and everything I care about to dissolve into space. And as you may note from my recent accidental pseudo acid trip, I found dissolving personally to be NO FUN AT ALL.
I don't want to dissolve, except in moments of utmost despair. I'd rather enjoy life. And again, I don't want those I love to dissolve, either. I want them to enjoy life even more than I want myself to. When it comes to impermanence, I'm not into stoic acceptance; I'm much more the "rage, rage against the dying of the light" type.
Which goes a lot towards the other thing I don't get/don't like about Buddhism. While Buddhist friends keep assuring me that "Non-attachment" and "detachment" aren't the same thing, I sure can't tell the difference. And avoiding suffering is a laudable goal, but it seems kinda sad and useless as an ultimate goal. I want to experience pleasure and immerse myself in the full spectrum of sensory and spiritual joy. (whether spiritual joy should be included under sensory or visa versa, I'll leave to someone else to sort out). Yes, abvoiding suffering helps you do these things, but if you can only avoid by not caring, what's the point?
Don't get me wrong--I love a lot of things about Buddhism. Especially Tara-centered Buddhism, as that seems to ditchthe exism that permeates certain other paths. And Buddhists actually seem to care quite a lot, and be into helping others avoid dissolving,. Which is good. I love the meditation and the mandalas, and wish to do more of it. But my ultimate goals are not their ultimate goals.
**********
Re: avoiding dissolution, and raging against the dying of the light writ large:
I want to applaud the people taking part in "Occupy Wall Street" and related demonstrations. I am aware that these demonstrations are also eliciting a certain amount of scorn, with a lot of orchestrated derision being heaped upon them, which I worry will in turn spawn a negative reaction from the populace at large.
In light of that, I want to repost here a portion of what I said to someone who made what I *think* was a totally serious comment about throwing water on the dirty hippies who lack a clear messagel (skipping the parts where I said I like hippies, they are as clean as anyone, and that unions and other non-hippies were now joining in):
"Let's say I agree that the people staging these protests are doing things very differently than I would (or think they should, and they are) ... At least they are doing *something* (about the world going straight to hell). It's a start, and they are trying. For this they deserve support, encouragement, advice and assistance, not scorn. Beats the fuck out of preceding through life with your head down and hoping someone else pops out of the woodwork to fix things, yes?"