Do Not Feed the Hicks
So the weekend as a whole was pretty crappy.
In short, my step-family got really drunk.
My step-brother married the woman who he has three children with.
My step-family continued to get really, really drunk.
The highlight of the whole thing I guess is that five years ago at his 21st, my good, honest step-brother once imparted upon me a terrific piece of wisdom, immediately prior to discovering his girlfriend was pregnant. I shall repeat it to you, so that you might see why I might look at their union with a smirk rather than a smile:
"The trick to getting a root, see, is that if you go for the hot ones they won't want ya. So you gotta go for the fat ugly chicks mate, because they always wanna fuck and they're easy."
Hah.
My step-sister drank more than 50 cans of cougar, and I think it's safe to say that my step-brother easily drank that and more. The reception lasted for 10 hours, involved fights, people putting 20 cent pieces up their asses, musical chairs, balloon boobs, dumb chicks who look like they're going to cry all night (but don't) and me providing a taxi service. Oh, yeah, forgot about that.
It seems that because I don't drink, and because Inez and I didn't feel overly inclined to socialise and join in the redneck revelery, I am automatically allocated taxi status, because I obviously want to be driving those people around. On the plus side, I procured cash from this annoying as hell arrangement, and because my fuel was all payed for (as it was my parent's fault that I had to take my car) I technically didn't lose out.. much. I think I lost a good year or so of lung functionality from all the second-hand smoke though.
Highlight of it I guess was the couple of hours where Inez and I bailed, and took advantage of the pool at our accomodation. When my parents told me they had booked us in at a place with a pool, I honestly believed that hotel rooms were what we were getting. Not so. We stayed out in these annoying crappy hot bush cabins where we were enthusiastically greeted by huntsman spiders so large that they couldn't be contained with the magic of "zomg gonna trap you in this glass". Other than that it was ok I guess.
I got a nosebleed in the pool though, which sucked. I dived to the bottom and then rushed straight out to the surface, thinking that the heat and the pressure of the water might have done it. On the plus side, I lost enough blood to make entertaining patterns on Inez's kindly offered singlet, which hopefully won't stain too badly now that the fun is over.
Oh, and I have two more hilarious pictures on par with the awesome "Extreme Generic Box" which I'll get off my phone as soon as I've had some sleep.
Barp! Barp! Barp! (Says my new employer, when describing via online induction what their red alert sounds like)
In short, my step-family got really drunk.
My step-brother married the woman who he has three children with.
My step-family continued to get really, really drunk.
The highlight of the whole thing I guess is that five years ago at his 21st, my good, honest step-brother once imparted upon me a terrific piece of wisdom, immediately prior to discovering his girlfriend was pregnant. I shall repeat it to you, so that you might see why I might look at their union with a smirk rather than a smile:
"The trick to getting a root, see, is that if you go for the hot ones they won't want ya. So you gotta go for the fat ugly chicks mate, because they always wanna fuck and they're easy."
Hah.
My step-sister drank more than 50 cans of cougar, and I think it's safe to say that my step-brother easily drank that and more. The reception lasted for 10 hours, involved fights, people putting 20 cent pieces up their asses, musical chairs, balloon boobs, dumb chicks who look like they're going to cry all night (but don't) and me providing a taxi service. Oh, yeah, forgot about that.
It seems that because I don't drink, and because Inez and I didn't feel overly inclined to socialise and join in the redneck revelery, I am automatically allocated taxi status, because I obviously want to be driving those people around. On the plus side, I procured cash from this annoying as hell arrangement, and because my fuel was all payed for (as it was my parent's fault that I had to take my car) I technically didn't lose out.. much. I think I lost a good year or so of lung functionality from all the second-hand smoke though.
Highlight of it I guess was the couple of hours where Inez and I bailed, and took advantage of the pool at our accomodation. When my parents told me they had booked us in at a place with a pool, I honestly believed that hotel rooms were what we were getting. Not so. We stayed out in these annoying crappy hot bush cabins where we were enthusiastically greeted by huntsman spiders so large that they couldn't be contained with the magic of "zomg gonna trap you in this glass". Other than that it was ok I guess.
I got a nosebleed in the pool though, which sucked. I dived to the bottom and then rushed straight out to the surface, thinking that the heat and the pressure of the water might have done it. On the plus side, I lost enough blood to make entertaining patterns on Inez's kindly offered singlet, which hopefully won't stain too badly now that the fun is over.
Oh, and I have two more hilarious pictures on par with the awesome "Extreme Generic Box" which I'll get off my phone as soon as I've had some sleep.
Barp! Barp! Barp! (Says my new employer, when describing via online induction what their red alert sounds like)