mother
i had two dreams last night. in the first, i was coming home to blacksburg. i was sitting outside of bollo's and looking in. i found a table and sat down with some people that i knew and addie from here. the barista motioned me to come to the counter where he/she offered me a coffee and asked about how i had been during the past year. we chatted for a moment until i saw someone else that i needed to greet. then from the corner of my eye i saw jose at an adjacent table talking with someone. i ran over and he caught me in a big hug. it was nice to be back.
my next dream was much more personal and moving. i found myself in a sort of hospital/convent in a room that was being prepared for me. i was going to give birth. the room was filled with nuns (the kinds with the flying nun head gear) and my mother. i lay down on the bed and then begin to go into labor. it was one of those dreams where the real me was situated just above the head of the dream me so i could look down on myself. however, i could feel the experience. it wasn't painful, it was just sort of an emptying feeling, like part of me was being released. it was finished rather quickly and even though the room was filled with a noisy hubbub, i was very serene. another bed was pushed next to mine, so i was expecting to be able to see/hold the baby. instead, after finishing up and getting dressed, my mother took me outside and we walked through the wal-mart that was attached to find a bathroom in which to wash up. it was a HUGE wal-mart with high metal ceilings and product packed all the way up. the bright colors of boxes and plastic were a stark contrast to the somber white of the room i had just left. the lighting was harsh and fluorescent compared to the soft sunlight coming through the thin curtains of the birthing room. we found the restroom, which was up a flight of stairs and began going up. i was having some trouble, as might be expected after just giving birth, walking and i was not very comfortable with how my body felt. we went to the bathroom and inside i questioned my mother if there actually was a baby because i hadn't heard anyone crying. this upset me, but she assured me that there was in fact a baby, and they don't always cry, especially when they're happy. when we came out, my baby was there in a stroller. and it was MY baby - there was no counterpart involved. it was like i had created this being within myself and for myself. she was the most beautiful, perfect, plump little creature. she smiled and crossed her arms over her little chest in a cooing motion. i picked her up and we introduced ourselves.
my next dream was much more personal and moving. i found myself in a sort of hospital/convent in a room that was being prepared for me. i was going to give birth. the room was filled with nuns (the kinds with the flying nun head gear) and my mother. i lay down on the bed and then begin to go into labor. it was one of those dreams where the real me was situated just above the head of the dream me so i could look down on myself. however, i could feel the experience. it wasn't painful, it was just sort of an emptying feeling, like part of me was being released. it was finished rather quickly and even though the room was filled with a noisy hubbub, i was very serene. another bed was pushed next to mine, so i was expecting to be able to see/hold the baby. instead, after finishing up and getting dressed, my mother took me outside and we walked through the wal-mart that was attached to find a bathroom in which to wash up. it was a HUGE wal-mart with high metal ceilings and product packed all the way up. the bright colors of boxes and plastic were a stark contrast to the somber white of the room i had just left. the lighting was harsh and fluorescent compared to the soft sunlight coming through the thin curtains of the birthing room. we found the restroom, which was up a flight of stairs and began going up. i was having some trouble, as might be expected after just giving birth, walking and i was not very comfortable with how my body felt. we went to the bathroom and inside i questioned my mother if there actually was a baby because i hadn't heard anyone crying. this upset me, but she assured me that there was in fact a baby, and they don't always cry, especially when they're happy. when we came out, my baby was there in a stroller. and it was MY baby - there was no counterpart involved. it was like i had created this being within myself and for myself. she was the most beautiful, perfect, plump little creature. she smiled and crossed her arms over her little chest in a cooing motion. i picked her up and we introduced ourselves.