no holds barred
for the few people that have read my blog, you all know that i'm a cryptic writer. i write entries that don't really reveal any true details. i do this because i don't want to express too much of myself... i'm afraid it will lead to questions... questions i do not want to answer... questions i'd rather avoid... questions that may conjure up a feeling that i would rather forget.
but today i have decided to tell all... no holds barred.
this morning i realized maybe i get these really low days because i keep everything bottled up inside and it causes me to go stir crazy... where it gets to the point i can't handle it anymore... which leads to having random breakdowns. and then i'm in a slump. unsure how to get out of the cycle of thinking too much... reminding myself of all the things i don't have with the ongoing questions of "what's wrong with me?"
i'm telling you, being single for over 5 years will cause you to think that something is wrong with yourself as a person. i swear there's a gray cloud over my head that reminds me i'm not truly happy.
i know my friends will start defending me, but guys come on! i haven't even really gone out on dates in these 5 years... so what else am i to think except for "what's wrong with me?"
it's very rare that i will actually come across a guy i really do like like. so it hurts that much more when i find out he does not like me in the same way because "omg! when am i ever going to come across another guy i like?" actually let me rephrase this... he does not like me enough to actually pursue me, but enough to want to fool around with me.
yes we all need to get our freak on, but with me... i only want to be touched by a guy i actually like. and this is where i wish so much that i was like a guy. to have my way with him and then go on my merrily way. but noooooo, after i get down with him, i f*ckin think about him... wanting to have a relationship... thinking he does too because what we had experienced together is actually something real...
but ha! in my face! cuz again and again... he doesn't want to be with me.
and people i'm not talking about "playas" because i know at least for the last couple of guys, they are indeed quality men:
and he is the guy that breaks my heart.
so here it is everyone... i'm revealing details...
i really like someone right now.
he's a guy i really did believed liked me too. we get along too well. everyone knows i get along with many guys. but i'm saying I REALLY GET ALONG WITH THIS GUY. so much that when i'm around him, i've actually stopped to think "wow, i really get along with this guy". and i think this was my downfall. because i felt a connection SO STRONG that it made me believe he is the one for me. and i said this with no doubt in my mind. cuz there was no way he did not realize our connection.
but here i am in the same predicament...
with someone i thought would truly consider being with me.
but today i have decided to tell all... no holds barred.
this morning i realized maybe i get these really low days because i keep everything bottled up inside and it causes me to go stir crazy... where it gets to the point i can't handle it anymore... which leads to having random breakdowns. and then i'm in a slump. unsure how to get out of the cycle of thinking too much... reminding myself of all the things i don't have with the ongoing questions of "what's wrong with me?"
i'm telling you, being single for over 5 years will cause you to think that something is wrong with yourself as a person. i swear there's a gray cloud over my head that reminds me i'm not truly happy.
i know my friends will start defending me, but guys come on! i haven't even really gone out on dates in these 5 years... so what else am i to think except for "what's wrong with me?"
it's very rare that i will actually come across a guy i really do like like. so it hurts that much more when i find out he does not like me in the same way because "omg! when am i ever going to come across another guy i like?" actually let me rephrase this... he does not like me enough to actually pursue me, but enough to want to fool around with me.
yes we all need to get our freak on, but with me... i only want to be touched by a guy i actually like. and this is where i wish so much that i was like a guy. to have my way with him and then go on my merrily way. but noooooo, after i get down with him, i f*ckin think about him... wanting to have a relationship... thinking he does too because what we had experienced together is actually something real...
but ha! in my face! cuz again and again... he doesn't want to be with me.
and people i'm not talking about "playas" because i know at least for the last couple of guys, they are indeed quality men:
- truly nice
- ambitious, hard working
- family oriented
- easy going with a sense of humor
- did i say truly nice yet?
- etc. etc. [insert good quality here]
and he is the guy that breaks my heart.
so here it is everyone... i'm revealing details...
i really like someone right now.
he's a guy i really did believed liked me too. we get along too well. everyone knows i get along with many guys. but i'm saying I REALLY GET ALONG WITH THIS GUY. so much that when i'm around him, i've actually stopped to think "wow, i really get along with this guy". and i think this was my downfall. because i felt a connection SO STRONG that it made me believe he is the one for me. and i said this with no doubt in my mind. cuz there was no way he did not realize our connection.
but here i am in the same predicament...
with someone i thought would truly consider being with me.