Running in place is so much fun
Despite it all, I still often have those days where I want to pack my old beaten up backpack, hop on my bike... and disappear forever.
Disappearing won't wipe the slate clean though. The regrets won't ever go away, haunted every waking moment by memories and wishes of what could have been. Of wanting to take back the wasted time.
Throwing it all away would just be another regret. It always just feels like life is a LOSE-LOSE-LOSE situation.
I want to feel something again, feel pain, feel exhaustion, feel accomplishment, feel pride. Smash everything around me, standing my ground shoulder to shoulder with my friends, true comrades till the end. Long gone are those days. I hate myself for letting what happened with Tito take place.
I've got Courtney though, and I've got Ericka. Having people who love and care about me helps me make it through moments like this.
So much wasted potential. All my life people telling me how much they saw in me. Myself, all this time seeing this glimmer of what I'm capable of. Here I am though, what a pathetic fucking waste. What've I done? What do I do? All these values and standards, and yet I am the antithesis of them, a robot zombie. The walking dead, just waking to work.
Sticks and stones might break your bones, but memories will torment you for the rest of your life.
The nightmares never go away, even if you haven't had them for a few months you can still remember ones from years ago.
We deserve so much better, we've been lied to all our life.
Just masterbate and go cut so that for those few moments I can forget how miserable my life is. Our society revolves around living in a fantasy so that we don't have to face up to the fact of how shitty our reality is.
Fuck everything, foremost myself.
~Drewzilla
Disappearing won't wipe the slate clean though. The regrets won't ever go away, haunted every waking moment by memories and wishes of what could have been. Of wanting to take back the wasted time.
Throwing it all away would just be another regret. It always just feels like life is a LOSE-LOSE-LOSE situation.
I want to feel something again, feel pain, feel exhaustion, feel accomplishment, feel pride. Smash everything around me, standing my ground shoulder to shoulder with my friends, true comrades till the end. Long gone are those days. I hate myself for letting what happened with Tito take place.
I've got Courtney though, and I've got Ericka. Having people who love and care about me helps me make it through moments like this.
So much wasted potential. All my life people telling me how much they saw in me. Myself, all this time seeing this glimmer of what I'm capable of. Here I am though, what a pathetic fucking waste. What've I done? What do I do? All these values and standards, and yet I am the antithesis of them, a robot zombie. The walking dead, just waking to work.
Sticks and stones might break your bones, but memories will torment you for the rest of your life.
The nightmares never go away, even if you haven't had them for a few months you can still remember ones from years ago.
We deserve so much better, we've been lied to all our life.
Just masterbate and go cut so that for those few moments I can forget how miserable my life is. Our society revolves around living in a fantasy so that we don't have to face up to the fact of how shitty our reality is.
Fuck everything, foremost myself.
~Drewzilla