the week from Hell
So I've thought that I've had bad days before- and I have, this is true- but I think this week takes the cake.
Almost makes me dislike cake.
Monday was okay- I just played the same games with the 1,2, and 3rd graders because I have no fucking clue what I am doing. But it all worked out. I also had my first day of kyudo! It was awesome. Tiring and difficult, but everyone there (aka allll the old men!) is really nice.
Tuesday- I forgot ALL the materials I had gathered for classes on Monday, so I had a mini-panic moment. I managed to fudge my way through the extra 1/2nd grade class.. but I felt weirdly stressed about it.
On facebook, I got the worst shock of my relationshipsphere of life. I was missing Lacy like crazy, so I thought I'd just go through his facebook page and look at all his pictures and his comments, just to feel like I knew him better/ get closer to him. you know? I don't know. I actually refused to do that when I first met him, because I didn't want to be >that< girl who creeped his life before getting to know him.
I should have been that girl.
I saw some comments his friends made that shocked me. And made me wonder-- hmm, I've asked this question before, and he answered differently. Is he lying to me, or am I reading this wrong? Then I saw another comment. Solid proof that I read the last one right. My world shattered.
Lacy has been lying to me for a whole year (hilarious, because we met/ got together unofficially on the 26th or 27th last year) What perfect timing. It hurt more because I was going through his past completely innocently, and because I missed/ loved him terribly.
Now? I don't know. Once again I couldn't reach him on skype- which was extra-frustrating, because he had mentioned everyday for the past week how much he wanted to skype... but then was never on. I just left him a message and attempted to sleep.
Which I failed at. Again.
On Wednesday, I only had tests for my 7th and 9th graders. I thought my JTE said the 8th grade class was last period, but it turns out it was first period. ( In my defense, "fuhst" and "ruhst" sound fairly similar). After missing 10 minutes of that class, I felt kind of out of it for the rest of the day. I also forgot my Japanese book, so it was a painfully long day of pretending to "study" during the teacher's meeting. When it was finally over, my bag got locked into the locker room for some odd reason. >.<
At the bus stop, I just got so homesick and confused about Lacy I started crying, and refused to walk over to the es kids because I didn't want them to see my tears.
I finally talked to Lacy. When I checked facebook again while waiting for him, I noticed one of the posts that bothered me had 'magically' disappeared. He knew what was up. And there was the proof. Why else would he have deleted it? Tjhen we had the worst conversation ever, in which I cried and called him a fucking liar, and myself an idiot. We didn't break up. I can honestly understand why he did what he did- I would have done it too, but I can't understand how he thought he could hide this from me for so long. And if I didn't find out about it myself, would he *ever* have told me? No. I'm so pissed, hurt, and confused. I still don't know if it would be better to break up or to try and work it out. I'm dealing with too much other stress sh*t to deal with this on top of it.
Thursday, Sept 27, was terrible. I got to Yutaka chu, and I was only supposed to have one class again. My JTE took one look at my and asked "are you okay? you look tired" and for some reason, just hearing those words set me off. I started crying during the morning meeting. I stopped long enough to do one class with the first graders. then after I went to the nurse's office and cried/ slept until noon. It was difficult, because all the teachers kept asking me what was wrong in Japanese, which was just making me panic more. And when the nurse asked, I didn't quite know how to say,
"I'm getting my period, I'm so homesick I'm getting physically sick to my stomach, I keep having nightmares about the spiderzilla that was in my bathroom last week so I haven't slept more than two consecutive hours for the past 3 days, I think I cut a nerve in my right ring finger from kyudo last week and I'm worried that it's permanent, my boyfriend is a fucking liar so I'm worried about our relationship"
so I just said my stomach hurt. I didn't understand why it was necessary for her to take my armpit's temperature, but, well, dozo, I suppose.
I just slept and cried until noon, then I was sent home. Had to take nenkyu, which I was bummed about because I have to save those!! I don't get that many, and now one has been wasted on me being mental.. which makes me more stressed because I wanted to use one NEXT week to get to the whitewater rafting trip on time!
friday was equally awful.
once again, I didn't sleep. But it was okay, because I always have the same two classes on Fridays. Not this one, though! Surprise! I was always told that I had to go to the jhs halfway through the day in order to do two classes that I missed? (except I didn't.. because I only had one class the day before...)
Halfway through the 2nd period, one of the teachers called into the office and told me that I was supposed to be teaching a lesson to the 4th graders then. Kill me. I had materials but no idea what to do, so the whole way up the stairs, I was gibbering sorry and the teacher was gibbering sorry back at me and saying I didn't have to do the lesson, but I make dumb decisions when I'm stressed. and I was like fuck it! let's do this.
Bad idea.
I did this racing to grab the fruit game that worked with my 1-3rd graders, so I assumed since they were older, the 4th graders could handle it too. NOPE. Two started kicking and punching each other and crying, so the teacher had to take them out of class, and when she came back she asked if I had anything else to do (in HIroshima-ben, of course, so I didn't know what she said, I only can assume), and I was like ???no??? and she immediately turned to the class and said "this class is over. hand in your name tags. now."
So they left and I proceeded to cry in the bathroom until my next classes.
After those I was supposed to sit with the 4th graders at lunch.. but because of this morning, they didn't want me there/ I could tell the teacher didn't want me there either. I had turned down an invite from the 2nd graders in order to sit with the 4th graders though.. so then I turned back to that table and the 2nd graders said "no, we want Kaneko sensei to sit here instead" so I was left standing there awkwardly and asking Kaneko to please come over and switch with me because the kids kept blocking my place... but they were trying to make an announcement, so I said it out loud when everyone was quiet. the principal eventually came over and was like, "just sit down".
After the itadakimasu, the principal then pulled me aside and asked if I was okay, and said he wanted to send me home/ wanted me to take nenkyu. NOOOO! I need to save those! I kept arguing with him, and he gave me two options: I could take nenkyu or got to the middle school. So I opted for that. But I was pissed since the director of momo e no tegami was visiting the school that afternoon! I have the worst luck. (I bet it's because I killed spiderzilla.)
I also had the option of being driven there,then taking the bus back, then having to bike home.. so I opted just to take my bike there in the first place. I was soooo hot. How is it still 86 in September!?
When I got there, everyone was in suits, and I had a minor panic attack. Why the fuck do I have to be here if I don't have the right books, I wasn't warned, and I don't have the proper attire!?
ugh.
And apparently I DIDN'T have to bee there, because there was just a big conference about teaching morality classes!
I hate everything.
I cried again, so the nurse took me in to her office and just tried to keep me calm by teaching me/ making me practice Kanji. Ueda sensei is so sweet ^_^. She realy helped calm me down. then Uekiyosensei came in to make sure I was okay. He's fucking HILARIOUS! He asked how I was adjusting, and I told him how in highschool and college I got only 3-5 hours of sleep every night ("Wow. You're tough") and that somehow made me feel better. And he understood that I'm a city girl and completely out of place in the inaka. He grew up in the city, and I asked him if he was the same, and his response cracked me up-- he said that as he got older, he hates people more and more so he likes being out in the boonies because there are less people to deal with!
He also said how he used to want to teach elementary, but 20 years ago he got assigned to middle school and that's what he's used to. He said, " I couldn't teach ES now.. I don't know what the kids are talking about!" ANd then I looked at him and said, deadpan, " It's okay, I don't know what they're saying, either!"
He lost it. ^_^
The best though, is he thanked me for letting him get out of the boring meeting, and then he was like "between you and me, you can just go. It'll be our secret and you don't have to take nenkyu;) "
He is the bestttt!
The school is full of windows though, so I just stayed and shot the shit with the nurse after he went back to the meeting until 4. Just the fact that he offered cheered my soul ^_^.
When I biked home, I even stopped at the beach and waded in to cheer up. The water was so nice!
I want to swim again so badly!!!! (But I'd feel weird/ nervous swimming in the ocean alone/ with no one around to save me in case something happened.)
I had an awful skype session with my dad, where he asked "why the hell are you doing this? How did something that you were excited about turn into such a huge disaster?" and for some reason, that bothered me more than anything. I still can't shake that sentence and it's two days later.
Saturday- it started off so well! I have to ruin everything.
Got up early and bussed to the toyohama branch office (the bus driver was such an ass- I missed ringing the bell and so he wouldn't open the door for me.. even though the back door was open for people to get on, and I was standing right next to him! What a jerk. I'll gaijin smash all over your face.)
Met up with the es and jhs kids to go to the Sanfrecce soccer game! And I taught Mio-san "yo!" and Ruka-kun to say "please" when asking for my sunglasses. And I think I finally started bonding with the kids?? But, man! Take the nametags and the seating charts away, and you REALLY have to start memorizing the kids' names! And Takuya-kun (a special needs kid) wanted to spend all the time with me, so I had trouble balancing him with trying to spend time with all the kids. He also kept squeezing me so hard it hurt, and I didn't know how to say in Japanese to please stop doing that because it's motherfucking annoying and my muscles are sore already and what you are doing hurts. Granted, I don't think I'd be able to convey that thought in English either. I just had to grin and bear it.
The game was awesome though- Sanfrecce won 4-1! My principle got really into it, too. I was just mildly annoyed though, because I was tired and just wanted to watch the game, but every five minutes the girl from the local TV station had the camera trained on my face and I was like AHH PLEASE STOP! it's funny, all my life in America I secretly wanted to be famous and on TV (who doesn't?) then all of a sudden, I get to Japan and i can't AVOID being on TV! -_-;;
After the game, everyone was trading cards that came with the chips passed to us, and it was adorable because Saaya-san (6th grader) wrote on Ruka-kun's (7th grader) face "DAISUKI" ( I like you a lot). xD. Warmed my heart! I felt like a proud momma watchin' muh babies grow up! :DD
then Hirei-kun and Fuka-san and Saaya-san were asking me to do "henna kao" aka make strange faces so I showed the pulled-down-eyes-pushed down nose one, and a fish face, and the kids LOVVVVVED it!
But then fuka did the flipped up eyelids and I wasn't paying attention, so it actually freaked me out and I screamed. Imai sensei was PISSED. He came back and told everyone to be quiet. When we got off the bus, he made all the es kids sit down and gave them this huge lecture... and I felt really bad because it really was my fault. So now I'm pretty sure the one teacher I have to work with at that school is mad at me, and all that work I just did trying to befriend the kids is gone, because they all got in trouble because of me. :(
Why can't I do anything right??
The tour guide then drove me home, so I booked it out of there, and I don't even care that I got into a stranger's car- I just wanted to get away from the stress and bad feelings meeting back in the parking lot. i guess I'm just not a responsible person.
I was hoping to catch the tail end (6-8pm) of my town's matsuri.. but they apparently ended early due to the weather looking bad. Oh, pooh.
then I ran into ALLLLLL the old men, and they made fun of me for missing the festival, and then invited me to the party in the community center. It's funny, I seem to get along best with the old men!
I found Etsuko and Kenji san there, and met their daughter Ai! It was nice chatting half and half Jinglish with her. She's so sweet and invited me to visit her in Tokyo! I also discovered the amazingness of whiet anko mixed with lemon flavoring. So good!
Also, there is this mystery Japanese food that I can never remember the name of.. but it's like gelatin with seaweed in it. Apparently, the translaton of it's name is "Devil's tongue".
Figures.
awesommmme.
So yeah. It's been one hell of a week.
Mostly bad, but there were a few slivers of sunshine to keep me trying.
Almost makes me dislike cake.
Monday was okay- I just played the same games with the 1,2, and 3rd graders because I have no fucking clue what I am doing. But it all worked out. I also had my first day of kyudo! It was awesome. Tiring and difficult, but everyone there (aka allll the old men!) is really nice.
Tuesday- I forgot ALL the materials I had gathered for classes on Monday, so I had a mini-panic moment. I managed to fudge my way through the extra 1/2nd grade class.. but I felt weirdly stressed about it.
On facebook, I got the worst shock of my relationshipsphere of life. I was missing Lacy like crazy, so I thought I'd just go through his facebook page and look at all his pictures and his comments, just to feel like I knew him better/ get closer to him. you know? I don't know. I actually refused to do that when I first met him, because I didn't want to be >that< girl who creeped his life before getting to know him.
I should have been that girl.
I saw some comments his friends made that shocked me. And made me wonder-- hmm, I've asked this question before, and he answered differently. Is he lying to me, or am I reading this wrong? Then I saw another comment. Solid proof that I read the last one right. My world shattered.
Lacy has been lying to me for a whole year (hilarious, because we met/ got together unofficially on the 26th or 27th last year) What perfect timing. It hurt more because I was going through his past completely innocently, and because I missed/ loved him terribly.
Now? I don't know. Once again I couldn't reach him on skype- which was extra-frustrating, because he had mentioned everyday for the past week how much he wanted to skype... but then was never on. I just left him a message and attempted to sleep.
Which I failed at. Again.
On Wednesday, I only had tests for my 7th and 9th graders. I thought my JTE said the 8th grade class was last period, but it turns out it was first period. ( In my defense, "fuhst" and "ruhst" sound fairly similar). After missing 10 minutes of that class, I felt kind of out of it for the rest of the day. I also forgot my Japanese book, so it was a painfully long day of pretending to "study" during the teacher's meeting. When it was finally over, my bag got locked into the locker room for some odd reason. >.<
At the bus stop, I just got so homesick and confused about Lacy I started crying, and refused to walk over to the es kids because I didn't want them to see my tears.
I finally talked to Lacy. When I checked facebook again while waiting for him, I noticed one of the posts that bothered me had 'magically' disappeared. He knew what was up. And there was the proof. Why else would he have deleted it? Tjhen we had the worst conversation ever, in which I cried and called him a fucking liar, and myself an idiot. We didn't break up. I can honestly understand why he did what he did- I would have done it too, but I can't understand how he thought he could hide this from me for so long. And if I didn't find out about it myself, would he *ever* have told me? No. I'm so pissed, hurt, and confused. I still don't know if it would be better to break up or to try and work it out. I'm dealing with too much other stress sh*t to deal with this on top of it.
Thursday, Sept 27, was terrible. I got to Yutaka chu, and I was only supposed to have one class again. My JTE took one look at my and asked "are you okay? you look tired" and for some reason, just hearing those words set me off. I started crying during the morning meeting. I stopped long enough to do one class with the first graders. then after I went to the nurse's office and cried/ slept until noon. It was difficult, because all the teachers kept asking me what was wrong in Japanese, which was just making me panic more. And when the nurse asked, I didn't quite know how to say,
"I'm getting my period, I'm so homesick I'm getting physically sick to my stomach, I keep having nightmares about the spiderzilla that was in my bathroom last week so I haven't slept more than two consecutive hours for the past 3 days, I think I cut a nerve in my right ring finger from kyudo last week and I'm worried that it's permanent, my boyfriend is a fucking liar so I'm worried about our relationship"
so I just said my stomach hurt. I didn't understand why it was necessary for her to take my armpit's temperature, but, well, dozo, I suppose.
I just slept and cried until noon, then I was sent home. Had to take nenkyu, which I was bummed about because I have to save those!! I don't get that many, and now one has been wasted on me being mental.. which makes me more stressed because I wanted to use one NEXT week to get to the whitewater rafting trip on time!
friday was equally awful.
once again, I didn't sleep. But it was okay, because I always have the same two classes on Fridays. Not this one, though! Surprise! I was always told that I had to go to the jhs halfway through the day in order to do two classes that I missed? (except I didn't.. because I only had one class the day before...)
Halfway through the 2nd period, one of the teachers called into the office and told me that I was supposed to be teaching a lesson to the 4th graders then. Kill me. I had materials but no idea what to do, so the whole way up the stairs, I was gibbering sorry and the teacher was gibbering sorry back at me and saying I didn't have to do the lesson, but I make dumb decisions when I'm stressed. and I was like fuck it! let's do this.
Bad idea.
I did this racing to grab the fruit game that worked with my 1-3rd graders, so I assumed since they were older, the 4th graders could handle it too. NOPE. Two started kicking and punching each other and crying, so the teacher had to take them out of class, and when she came back she asked if I had anything else to do (in HIroshima-ben, of course, so I didn't know what she said, I only can assume), and I was like ???no??? and she immediately turned to the class and said "this class is over. hand in your name tags. now."
So they left and I proceeded to cry in the bathroom until my next classes.
After those I was supposed to sit with the 4th graders at lunch.. but because of this morning, they didn't want me there/ I could tell the teacher didn't want me there either. I had turned down an invite from the 2nd graders in order to sit with the 4th graders though.. so then I turned back to that table and the 2nd graders said "no, we want Kaneko sensei to sit here instead" so I was left standing there awkwardly and asking Kaneko to please come over and switch with me because the kids kept blocking my place... but they were trying to make an announcement, so I said it out loud when everyone was quiet. the principal eventually came over and was like, "just sit down".
After the itadakimasu, the principal then pulled me aside and asked if I was okay, and said he wanted to send me home/ wanted me to take nenkyu. NOOOO! I need to save those! I kept arguing with him, and he gave me two options: I could take nenkyu or got to the middle school. So I opted for that. But I was pissed since the director of momo e no tegami was visiting the school that afternoon! I have the worst luck. (I bet it's because I killed spiderzilla.)
I also had the option of being driven there,then taking the bus back, then having to bike home.. so I opted just to take my bike there in the first place. I was soooo hot. How is it still 86 in September!?
When I got there, everyone was in suits, and I had a minor panic attack. Why the fuck do I have to be here if I don't have the right books, I wasn't warned, and I don't have the proper attire!?
ugh.
And apparently I DIDN'T have to bee there, because there was just a big conference about teaching morality classes!
I hate everything.
I cried again, so the nurse took me in to her office and just tried to keep me calm by teaching me/ making me practice Kanji. Ueda sensei is so sweet ^_^. She realy helped calm me down. then Uekiyosensei came in to make sure I was okay. He's fucking HILARIOUS! He asked how I was adjusting, and I told him how in highschool and college I got only 3-5 hours of sleep every night ("Wow. You're tough") and that somehow made me feel better. And he understood that I'm a city girl and completely out of place in the inaka. He grew up in the city, and I asked him if he was the same, and his response cracked me up-- he said that as he got older, he hates people more and more so he likes being out in the boonies because there are less people to deal with!
He also said how he used to want to teach elementary, but 20 years ago he got assigned to middle school and that's what he's used to. He said, " I couldn't teach ES now.. I don't know what the kids are talking about!" ANd then I looked at him and said, deadpan, " It's okay, I don't know what they're saying, either!"
He lost it. ^_^
The best though, is he thanked me for letting him get out of the boring meeting, and then he was like "between you and me, you can just go. It'll be our secret and you don't have to take nenkyu;) "
He is the bestttt!
The school is full of windows though, so I just stayed and shot the shit with the nurse after he went back to the meeting until 4. Just the fact that he offered cheered my soul ^_^.
When I biked home, I even stopped at the beach and waded in to cheer up. The water was so nice!
I want to swim again so badly!!!! (But I'd feel weird/ nervous swimming in the ocean alone/ with no one around to save me in case something happened.)
I had an awful skype session with my dad, where he asked "why the hell are you doing this? How did something that you were excited about turn into such a huge disaster?" and for some reason, that bothered me more than anything. I still can't shake that sentence and it's two days later.
Saturday- it started off so well! I have to ruin everything.
Got up early and bussed to the toyohama branch office (the bus driver was such an ass- I missed ringing the bell and so he wouldn't open the door for me.. even though the back door was open for people to get on, and I was standing right next to him! What a jerk. I'll gaijin smash all over your face.)
Met up with the es and jhs kids to go to the Sanfrecce soccer game! And I taught Mio-san "yo!" and Ruka-kun to say "please" when asking for my sunglasses. And I think I finally started bonding with the kids?? But, man! Take the nametags and the seating charts away, and you REALLY have to start memorizing the kids' names! And Takuya-kun (a special needs kid) wanted to spend all the time with me, so I had trouble balancing him with trying to spend time with all the kids. He also kept squeezing me so hard it hurt, and I didn't know how to say in Japanese to please stop doing that because it's motherfucking annoying and my muscles are sore already and what you are doing hurts. Granted, I don't think I'd be able to convey that thought in English either. I just had to grin and bear it.
The game was awesome though- Sanfrecce won 4-1! My principle got really into it, too. I was just mildly annoyed though, because I was tired and just wanted to watch the game, but every five minutes the girl from the local TV station had the camera trained on my face and I was like AHH PLEASE STOP! it's funny, all my life in America I secretly wanted to be famous and on TV (who doesn't?) then all of a sudden, I get to Japan and i can't AVOID being on TV! -_-;;
After the game, everyone was trading cards that came with the chips passed to us, and it was adorable because Saaya-san (6th grader) wrote on Ruka-kun's (7th grader) face "DAISUKI" ( I like you a lot). xD. Warmed my heart! I felt like a proud momma watchin' muh babies grow up! :DD
then Hirei-kun and Fuka-san and Saaya-san were asking me to do "henna kao" aka make strange faces so I showed the pulled-down-eyes-pushed down nose one, and a fish face, and the kids LOVVVVVED it!
But then fuka did the flipped up eyelids and I wasn't paying attention, so it actually freaked me out and I screamed. Imai sensei was PISSED. He came back and told everyone to be quiet. When we got off the bus, he made all the es kids sit down and gave them this huge lecture... and I felt really bad because it really was my fault. So now I'm pretty sure the one teacher I have to work with at that school is mad at me, and all that work I just did trying to befriend the kids is gone, because they all got in trouble because of me. :(
Why can't I do anything right??
The tour guide then drove me home, so I booked it out of there, and I don't even care that I got into a stranger's car- I just wanted to get away from the stress and bad feelings meeting back in the parking lot. i guess I'm just not a responsible person.
I was hoping to catch the tail end (6-8pm) of my town's matsuri.. but they apparently ended early due to the weather looking bad. Oh, pooh.
then I ran into ALLLLLL the old men, and they made fun of me for missing the festival, and then invited me to the party in the community center. It's funny, I seem to get along best with the old men!
I found Etsuko and Kenji san there, and met their daughter Ai! It was nice chatting half and half Jinglish with her. She's so sweet and invited me to visit her in Tokyo! I also discovered the amazingness of whiet anko mixed with lemon flavoring. So good!
Also, there is this mystery Japanese food that I can never remember the name of.. but it's like gelatin with seaweed in it. Apparently, the translaton of it's name is "Devil's tongue".
Figures.
awesommmme.
So yeah. It's been one hell of a week.
Mostly bad, but there were a few slivers of sunshine to keep me trying.