Thought process for today
We live life every day for a special moment. We sometimes hope that some one, or something will be there when we need it, we desire to be the best of the best, the leaders, the strongest. But when reality comes down to it, what do we have? Nothing, just a little dream, a desire, that we dwell on, in hope that sometime in the near future we will accomplish this goal, or desire. It’s crazy how life treats us some times, you are the one who is responsible for your own future. Every decision you make, miniscule as it might seem, plays a role in your life, and the life of others. It is crazy how saying something nice, or mean, can actually change some one’s life.
When I was a young kid, I remember I use to always be told what to do, and I would always rebel. I was a decent kid, but as a teenager, I was probably one of the worse, I mean I didn’t get my self into the drugs and drinking, like all my other friends. But I did do some things that weren’t the greatest. I have lied, I have sworn, and I have even taken things that don’t belong to me. But one thing I never did was do drugs. Some people always think that’s not a great accomplishment. I don’t my self, but in retrospect, considering the amount of things I use to do, for me to be able to turn down drugs and be able to be like “no” when some one asks for me to take a hit, is honestly amazing.
This amazes me not because I don’t like them, but for the fact that all my friends do them, or almost all of them. I instead do other things that sometimes turn out great, and sometimes turn out horrible. I have come to realize that in life, money is everything; I have enough friends, that I can just enjoy life. It’s also crazy because, I treasure the time I spend with my friends, even though they don’t know it. Because all I have to go home to, is a tv, a computer, and books. And I mean that’s what everyone normally has to go home too, but I don’t have enough friends to make it seem so minute. I reality I have very few friends, so I am always in my apt, doing nothing, playing poker, losing money, talking to people online, sometimes doing hw, and even more rarely watching tv.
Leads me to another topic, poker, I despise the game with a passion, it has never done anything good for me. I am somewhat decent at it, it has made me friends, good ones, that help me out all the time, but one thing is has also done, is skewed my view of money. I use to work jobs, and I use to be so happy when I would get 100, or even 200 dollars, but now I look at that, and I think it’s nothing, if it’s not over thousands, I honestly don’t even care. And that is bad, I believe I should get a job, but then when I want a job, I think of what will happen. I mean I can have a job, and make ASSURED money, since I have had a horrible past session in poker, it would be nice to have some spending money. It’s funny how people always think I’m rich too, just cause I spend money frugally.
I want a job, I want to meet people, I want to be able to say I can’t wait to go to go work. But the only problem is, I travel a lot, I have a blast traveling, and it always hurts me to tell my father, when he only sees me once or twice a year, that I can’t see him this summer, because I have a job. And I feel a devotion to the job, regardless of how little it pays. To make matters worse, I will hopefully be leaving for Italy, and if I do I can’t freak hold a job for more than 7 months. I’m going to apply in ups, for this job that works for 20 hours a week that should be a decent living amount of money. But the only problem with that is the fact that I will have to leave it, and I can’t ask for time off over the summer. I don’t know what to do, they say college years are suppose to be the best it gets, the time of your life when everything falls together. But in reality, all I can do is just wish I had more money. It’s crazy how I want money so badly, and yet I have nothing to spend it on, I just want to have it to not have to worry that the one day I want to buy something I can just buy it. I now know what it’s like to be a poor college student. Yet I will still live my lifestyle, how? I don’t know, I need to make my self eat in, I need to not drive as much , and I need to just start saving, this summer I’m going to be skydiving, and it’s going to be extremely hard to do it with no money. I wish I knew what I could say or do.
They say it’s going to be a fine tonight, and it’s going to be a fine night tomorrow. But in reality what does that mean, it’s getting warm out, which is great, I haven’t seen rain in months, every time it’s snow. I actually enjoy snow, it’s nice, easy to mess around with, and the roads are normally only bad for a couple hours, so I don’t really lose much. I did total my mom’s car in it, hah, what a great xmas present that was for her.
Music is one of the greatest, and worse inventions of the human race. It has so many things in it that are great, I mean it makes time go by quicker, it allows people to relax, it even allows people to go crazy. But one thing it doesn’t have is the affect it needs to have. Sometimes it causes people to kill, other times it causes people to do things they wouldn’t normally. Although it gives flavor to life it doesn’t give it the spice it should. I can listen to music, and not be affected. Then there are those who live for music, create it, sing it, play it, and even worship it. It’s there livelihood, it’s there one desire, to the best, make the most, or even be the happiest.
Why is it, that I enjoy reading so much, yet I can’t actually bring my self to do more of it than I should? I never understood this, I mean for example, when I read a book, I have to finish it, normally no matter how good it is, or bad, it still has some things in it that I enjoy. But, I still don’t read enough, I need to re organize my life. I need to create a budget, I need to cook at home, I need to get a gf, I need to make her happy, I need to clean my car, I need to get a habbit going, I need a schedual, I need to keep my life in order, I need to know what I need to do by when, I need a planner, I need to stop bitching, and I need to enjoy life more than I do. I once was such a happy boy, I had the most amazing life, now I have a decent life, and I am so use to the amazing, that it seems so crappy, when in reality in retrospect, it’s actually pretty sweet. I have a subscription to the gym, and I havn’t gone yet, I will be going soon though, that’s also another thing I need to do, is schedual that into. I wonder if I bought a planner, if I would use it. Schedual my day, make sure I have time for everything, make my life great, how awesome would that be! Oh man, I will have to see into it, but then I will be so dependenend on it, I wouldn’t know what to do. I would at least be able to help people out when they want to plan things. My mind plays tricks on me, makes me believe I have things I have to do, and in reality I don’t. I havn’t eaten anything today speaking off, I ate a cookie, that’s it, and I went to kinkos put up some random fliers around our school, and talked with friends. I actually did some community service, for no reason what so ever. It was kinda of cool, was fun making friends laugh, and hitting on random girls.
When I was a young kid, I remember I use to always be told what to do, and I would always rebel. I was a decent kid, but as a teenager, I was probably one of the worse, I mean I didn’t get my self into the drugs and drinking, like all my other friends. But I did do some things that weren’t the greatest. I have lied, I have sworn, and I have even taken things that don’t belong to me. But one thing I never did was do drugs. Some people always think that’s not a great accomplishment. I don’t my self, but in retrospect, considering the amount of things I use to do, for me to be able to turn down drugs and be able to be like “no” when some one asks for me to take a hit, is honestly amazing.
This amazes me not because I don’t like them, but for the fact that all my friends do them, or almost all of them. I instead do other things that sometimes turn out great, and sometimes turn out horrible. I have come to realize that in life, money is everything; I have enough friends, that I can just enjoy life. It’s also crazy because, I treasure the time I spend with my friends, even though they don’t know it. Because all I have to go home to, is a tv, a computer, and books. And I mean that’s what everyone normally has to go home too, but I don’t have enough friends to make it seem so minute. I reality I have very few friends, so I am always in my apt, doing nothing, playing poker, losing money, talking to people online, sometimes doing hw, and even more rarely watching tv.
Leads me to another topic, poker, I despise the game with a passion, it has never done anything good for me. I am somewhat decent at it, it has made me friends, good ones, that help me out all the time, but one thing is has also done, is skewed my view of money. I use to work jobs, and I use to be so happy when I would get 100, or even 200 dollars, but now I look at that, and I think it’s nothing, if it’s not over thousands, I honestly don’t even care. And that is bad, I believe I should get a job, but then when I want a job, I think of what will happen. I mean I can have a job, and make ASSURED money, since I have had a horrible past session in poker, it would be nice to have some spending money. It’s funny how people always think I’m rich too, just cause I spend money frugally.
I want a job, I want to meet people, I want to be able to say I can’t wait to go to go work. But the only problem is, I travel a lot, I have a blast traveling, and it always hurts me to tell my father, when he only sees me once or twice a year, that I can’t see him this summer, because I have a job. And I feel a devotion to the job, regardless of how little it pays. To make matters worse, I will hopefully be leaving for Italy, and if I do I can’t freak hold a job for more than 7 months. I’m going to apply in ups, for this job that works for 20 hours a week that should be a decent living amount of money. But the only problem with that is the fact that I will have to leave it, and I can’t ask for time off over the summer. I don’t know what to do, they say college years are suppose to be the best it gets, the time of your life when everything falls together. But in reality, all I can do is just wish I had more money. It’s crazy how I want money so badly, and yet I have nothing to spend it on, I just want to have it to not have to worry that the one day I want to buy something I can just buy it. I now know what it’s like to be a poor college student. Yet I will still live my lifestyle, how? I don’t know, I need to make my self eat in, I need to not drive as much , and I need to just start saving, this summer I’m going to be skydiving, and it’s going to be extremely hard to do it with no money. I wish I knew what I could say or do.
They say it’s going to be a fine tonight, and it’s going to be a fine night tomorrow. But in reality what does that mean, it’s getting warm out, which is great, I haven’t seen rain in months, every time it’s snow. I actually enjoy snow, it’s nice, easy to mess around with, and the roads are normally only bad for a couple hours, so I don’t really lose much. I did total my mom’s car in it, hah, what a great xmas present that was for her.
Music is one of the greatest, and worse inventions of the human race. It has so many things in it that are great, I mean it makes time go by quicker, it allows people to relax, it even allows people to go crazy. But one thing it doesn’t have is the affect it needs to have. Sometimes it causes people to kill, other times it causes people to do things they wouldn’t normally. Although it gives flavor to life it doesn’t give it the spice it should. I can listen to music, and not be affected. Then there are those who live for music, create it, sing it, play it, and even worship it. It’s there livelihood, it’s there one desire, to the best, make the most, or even be the happiest.
Why is it, that I enjoy reading so much, yet I can’t actually bring my self to do more of it than I should? I never understood this, I mean for example, when I read a book, I have to finish it, normally no matter how good it is, or bad, it still has some things in it that I enjoy. But, I still don’t read enough, I need to re organize my life. I need to create a budget, I need to cook at home, I need to get a gf, I need to make her happy, I need to clean my car, I need to get a habbit going, I need a schedual, I need to keep my life in order, I need to know what I need to do by when, I need a planner, I need to stop bitching, and I need to enjoy life more than I do. I once was such a happy boy, I had the most amazing life, now I have a decent life, and I am so use to the amazing, that it seems so crappy, when in reality in retrospect, it’s actually pretty sweet. I have a subscription to the gym, and I havn’t gone yet, I will be going soon though, that’s also another thing I need to do, is schedual that into. I wonder if I bought a planner, if I would use it. Schedual my day, make sure I have time for everything, make my life great, how awesome would that be! Oh man, I will have to see into it, but then I will be so dependenend on it, I wouldn’t know what to do. I would at least be able to help people out when they want to plan things. My mind plays tricks on me, makes me believe I have things I have to do, and in reality I don’t. I havn’t eaten anything today speaking off, I ate a cookie, that’s it, and I went to kinkos put up some random fliers around our school, and talked with friends. I actually did some community service, for no reason what so ever. It was kinda of cool, was fun making friends laugh, and hitting on random girls.