(no subject)
When I wake up the first thing to pop in my head is an avalanche of
crap I *need* to be working on or doing. If I walk across the
room I can't just walk to my destination I've got to multi-task and
move this, get this, or pick up that. If I sit down on the couch I look
around and see things that "must be done". I'm full of nervous
energy.
I've always been a "project" person--cartin' around the mental 'to do' list. The problem with being a project person is that you constantly feel like a failure because your list never gets shorter--you may cross off one, but you just added two. It's self defeating. I thought I had learned to cut myself some slack and allow myself a certain amount of veg or chill out time, but apparently not. I woke up Saturday at 7am (NOT my usual weekend wake-up time) full of the voice in my head rattling off the recently expanded to-do list and thinking about all the shit I could get done if I wasn't wasting my time sleeping. By Saturday afternoon I was so tightly wound I literally got hog-tied by my boyfriend telling me to "Just relax. Breathe." And so I did. And so I'm trying. And so I burst into tears. But, I'm still wondering why it's so bad right now.
Things at work have been weird and I'm straddled with this major 'career-making' decision so what do I do...I pile on the work (3 active freelance gigs, 5 pending and I just signed on to be a volunteer web maintenance/designer for a non-profit). I've handled being busy before--that's not the issue. And work-related stress doesn't hold much credence for me because work doesn't define me--it's my job, it's not who I am. But still I've got all my personal issues, my personal to-do list and what do I do? I pile it on. It's like I'm looking for a melt down. This is not normal. I must be stopped.
I've always been a "project" person--cartin' around the mental 'to do' list. The problem with being a project person is that you constantly feel like a failure because your list never gets shorter--you may cross off one, but you just added two. It's self defeating. I thought I had learned to cut myself some slack and allow myself a certain amount of veg or chill out time, but apparently not. I woke up Saturday at 7am (NOT my usual weekend wake-up time) full of the voice in my head rattling off the recently expanded to-do list and thinking about all the shit I could get done if I wasn't wasting my time sleeping. By Saturday afternoon I was so tightly wound I literally got hog-tied by my boyfriend telling me to "Just relax. Breathe." And so I did. And so I'm trying. And so I burst into tears. But, I'm still wondering why it's so bad right now.
Things at work have been weird and I'm straddled with this major 'career-making' decision so what do I do...I pile on the work (3 active freelance gigs, 5 pending and I just signed on to be a volunteer web maintenance/designer for a non-profit). I've handled being busy before--that's not the issue. And work-related stress doesn't hold much credence for me because work doesn't define me--it's my job, it's not who I am. But still I've got all my personal issues, my personal to-do list and what do I do? I pile it on. It's like I'm looking for a melt down. This is not normal. I must be stopped.