So much to say
Yeah. This entry has been bound to come out sooner or later. So many words that I have held inside, waiting for me to write them out. I could spend my fucking lifetime apologizing for things but really where would that get me. I have been too nice for too fucking long and thats really gotten me no where either. I will be vague, yet extremely blunt.
Its not so easy to forgive such a thing as you've done. And you may be right, that months ago, we wouldn't have batted an eye at any attempt to end your own life. To forgive is to forget, is not necessarily true in this. The thing that has changed between now and then is we are willing to give you some kind of benefit of the fucking doubt, seeing as you have changed. Yet in the two weeks you've met, dated and gotten engaged, your entire attitude has reverted to before. Contrary to what you'll comment me with, I don't blame Zac in the slightest. I can't speak for Bob or Clint but I am tired of giving you this benefit of the doubt shit. Its not that easy to fucking change an opinion long in the making such as mine. On the other hand, you are still my brother. I still do give a shit about you and I don't fucking want you to be 20 years old and divorced. I think you're rushing it yes, but I mean, anyone sees that. Maybe I'm jaded on love and with my past records with it, thats an easy arguement to start. And I'm fucking sorry if I can't take him updating about fucking you hard in the woods. Sorry.
I will not apologize for anything I've said. Go ahead. Call me an asshole, its not the first nor last time you will. But I can't simply fucking forget anymore. We've all made mistakes yes and they can easily be forgiven, but forgetting is another issue entirely. God I really don't have any right to talk about being fucked up. Just look at everything that I've done in a light why don't you? I've fucked up so many things and damn I'm not proud of it. I am flawed, I am imperfect, I am fucking human for chrissakes. I bleed, I cry.
All my life I have done everything for my brothers and God, we are all so different and apart now its really sad. Who knew that something so morally wrong could tear is all into different people; apart from the original molds of what we used to be? Fuck, I don't think I'm making sense anymore.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Goddamn, I love you, but I've had enough.