Found some old blogs
So I thought I would post them here...
I wonder if Baby Jesus ever had colic
What if you are Mary....now your knocked up with this baby, getting shit from people you know cuz they think you whored it out. Your just lucky to have a man that is gonna believe that you got knocked up by God. Now you pop this baby out and just want to sleep. But then baby Jesus ends up having colic. You did not sign up for this. You did not agree to have a kid. (or maybe she did agree, I don't know the details...but even if he did ask her...how do you say no to God really?) You did not even get the bonus of the sex. And really how do you bring yourself to have sex ever again with God's baby in the house. They were pretty poor and it was way back in the day, so they may have just had a studio. So now God's baby is in the same room and you want to bone. Do you get sent to hell if you put Baby Jesus up for adoption?
Taking God to Court
As we all know God does not have a paying job. He does not get a paycheck, he does not have a bank account, 401k, credit cards, and so on. Which raises a very interesting question. How did he pay for Child Support?
Now you got Mary with postpartum depression, Joseph breaking his back trying to provide for his new family, the wise men have left, angels dropping in at random times with their bright light and annoying harps in the background, and the little poop machine with colic (yeah thats right I just called Baby Jesus a poop machine). And there is God looking down on the world, his feet up on a cloud kicking back drinking a beer and watching the game. (I have no idea what game it is, but i am sure someone in the world was playing some type of game and he was watching it)
The little poop machine is going to need new hay for his crib, diapers, formula, food, clothes, Teva looking sandals, and so on. So now what do you do? Bring God to court for Child Support? And really even if you do, what Judge is going to side with Mary when she is going after God no matter how dead beat of a dad he is?
What if Jesus was an Atheist?
There is no way Mary and Joseph could really deny there was a God. But what about Jesus? Think about it...if your mom told you that your dad was not your dad and you are really a product of immaculate conception do you commit yourself to the church or commit mom to the loony bin. Now lets say he does accept that his mom is a little wacky in an enduring type of way. Then comes puberty and the dreaded teenage years. Jesus starts to rebel and announces himself Atheist. If he continues the rest of his life Atheist does he not get into Heaven?
Now back to rebelling teenage Jesus. He is the guy you want to hang out with in high school. While all the other kids in school are trying to find an older brother or sister, cool parent, or random homeless guy to buy them a six pack your already drinking wine with Jesus. I wonder if he takes requests? "Nah Jesus I said I wanted a Merlot, Johnny wanted the Cabernet."
He should have bottled that stuff and sold it. Think of all the money and time he could have saved without having to have a vineyard, the process of making the wine, workers, and so on. He would only have to worry about bottling it. He could call it Jesus Juice with a picture of him on the front giving the thumbs up. I don't know about you but I know I would buy Jesus Juice.
*okay I think I am done with my blogs about Mary, Joseph, Jesus and God*
I wonder if Baby Jesus ever had colic
What if you are Mary....now your knocked up with this baby, getting shit from people you know cuz they think you whored it out. Your just lucky to have a man that is gonna believe that you got knocked up by God. Now you pop this baby out and just want to sleep. But then baby Jesus ends up having colic. You did not sign up for this. You did not agree to have a kid. (or maybe she did agree, I don't know the details...but even if he did ask her...how do you say no to God really?) You did not even get the bonus of the sex. And really how do you bring yourself to have sex ever again with God's baby in the house. They were pretty poor and it was way back in the day, so they may have just had a studio. So now God's baby is in the same room and you want to bone. Do you get sent to hell if you put Baby Jesus up for adoption?
Taking God to Court
As we all know God does not have a paying job. He does not get a paycheck, he does not have a bank account, 401k, credit cards, and so on. Which raises a very interesting question. How did he pay for Child Support?
Now you got Mary with postpartum depression, Joseph breaking his back trying to provide for his new family, the wise men have left, angels dropping in at random times with their bright light and annoying harps in the background, and the little poop machine with colic (yeah thats right I just called Baby Jesus a poop machine). And there is God looking down on the world, his feet up on a cloud kicking back drinking a beer and watching the game. (I have no idea what game it is, but i am sure someone in the world was playing some type of game and he was watching it)
The little poop machine is going to need new hay for his crib, diapers, formula, food, clothes, Teva looking sandals, and so on. So now what do you do? Bring God to court for Child Support? And really even if you do, what Judge is going to side with Mary when she is going after God no matter how dead beat of a dad he is?
What if Jesus was an Atheist?
There is no way Mary and Joseph could really deny there was a God. But what about Jesus? Think about it...if your mom told you that your dad was not your dad and you are really a product of immaculate conception do you commit yourself to the church or commit mom to the loony bin. Now lets say he does accept that his mom is a little wacky in an enduring type of way. Then comes puberty and the dreaded teenage years. Jesus starts to rebel and announces himself Atheist. If he continues the rest of his life Atheist does he not get into Heaven?
Now back to rebelling teenage Jesus. He is the guy you want to hang out with in high school. While all the other kids in school are trying to find an older brother or sister, cool parent, or random homeless guy to buy them a six pack your already drinking wine with Jesus. I wonder if he takes requests? "Nah Jesus I said I wanted a Merlot, Johnny wanted the Cabernet."
He should have bottled that stuff and sold it. Think of all the money and time he could have saved without having to have a vineyard, the process of making the wine, workers, and so on. He would only have to worry about bottling it. He could call it Jesus Juice with a picture of him on the front giving the thumbs up. I don't know about you but I know I would buy Jesus Juice.
*okay I think I am done with my blogs about Mary, Joseph, Jesus and God*