shit
i wish i could delete that last entry i made, but i guess i was happy then. im stuck. and i have no where to go, i got some advice tonight from a good friend, and i know in my brain that she is right. but my heart hurts so much about it. and its gonna be the hardest thing ever. and its becuase i have a new little person in my life. and i have to think of her. i was gonna write a letter, well im still planning on writing one. but i still dont know what to say. I really have problems with making the right choise a lot of times. Something really crazy could happen. and im scared. i have a knot in my stomach, i always get knots in my stomach when im stressed, or when i can feel like something is wrong.
i think i got lonnie mad today. i dont like getting him upset. but he makes me up set sooooooo much more then he knows, and its like its alright cause he does it to me. but i still dont feel right. i need a break, a lift i need something to change, because im not happy. please disregard that last entry, i would delete it, but i dont think its right to delete feelings. i really believed that everything is ok. but its not. its like i want to talk about it, but i cant. the words dont ever come out right.....
-love amanda marie