I'm a loser baby, so why dont you kill me?
Fuck,
I am such a fuck up some days. Why can't I just grow a pair and suck it up? Do something soooo very simple for someone that I care about? I guess its more nerves, that I have never done anything like such. Its fucking ridiculous and I'm pretty sure I could never do anything in that persons eyes to make them hate me but god I feel like a total let down. How many years has it been? How many times have those words been spoken and how many times has my heart fluttered at the smallest chance of something happening between us?
And when I think of other possiblities and other venues for this thing called love, i back down and I dont throw myself at it. What the fuck? I want it so bad why am I so afraid?! Ah its pissing me off! I want to scream. Honestly I want to freak the fuck out. I am so thoughly pissed off at myself. I am going to work out and become a mateialistic fucking barbie and become a skinny bitch and everyone will fall for me and no one will ever get to know the real fucking me. I'm livid.