Getting used to time.
It's official, I am done with Starbucks. It was fun. Love ya, bu bye.
So what do I have a ton of now? TIME. WHAT TO DO WITH IT? There is a steady stream of ideas coming to my mind. In this moment I am content to be sitting at home on a friday night, new Jamiroquai playing on the player..very funky. GOT A NEW FRIDGE TODAY! Thank you ALLEN!! It's lovely. This means cooking cooking cooking.
Went dancing last night and met a blue haired german boy...by decent not from there. He complimented my dancing. He said I was by far the best female dancer on the floor. That was really nice to hear and I'm not sure why. Perhaps it was nice to know I was getting noticed and that I do look as good dancing as I feel dancing. I'd like to think that it's not important for me to feel noticed. That's been a common theme with me. Like there is a part of me screaming inside saying pay attention to me! The eternal younger child wanting to be heard from the back seat of the car with my own opinions, emotions, desires, and dreams. Am I at the point where I am ready to explore and express them, for them to be heard? Yes, it's time.
So what will I do with this time? I will be happy with where I am in the moment. I will be happy in the confidence that the plans I have set out for myself will come to fruition as I invision them and I will not be distracted from my own stability by a shiny stone in the slipstream of dreaming.
I will have my dreams at night and live my dream in the waking.
I will no longer hope and wish I could do all those things I've always wanted.
I will do what I want instead of talking about it.
I will sing dance and laugh my way through life for my tears have been shed for years. I am ready to feel the sun, to glow in it and let it's warmth fill me up to the deepest depths of my insides.
I won't be afraid of what people think of me because that has never truly mattered.
I will be the person that I want to be and I will have a fabulous time figuring that out. I know people with sparkling personalities and I want to see my own sparkle, no FEEL that sparkle every day. People are beginning to notice...or maybe, I am just noticing them noticing me. Maybe I am just beginning to notice me, being here. am I awakening from a 5 year sleep? Am I finally forgiving my self for the things I've done, to others, to myself? Forgiving bad decisions, bad choices, bad judgement calls, bad tact. Is this what being an adult is? Being concious in the every day and living as fully as possible....no, this is something else. Of course, I never said I was a "grown Up".
Playful with focus. Responsibility without frigidity. Desire without desperation. courage with vision. Purpose with excitement and grounding.
I am happy. I am loved. I have angels all around me whispering truth. I have guides showing me the path. Will I take it up? Which one to take? Do I have to choose? No...I will take them all, it is all of me and I will not leave behind a piece of it. I do not have to settle for a life less ordinary. I know what I love, so now I just have to remember.
Waking from my dreams keep the fantasy mundane away. The vision is fleeting but my soul remembers the tune.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel my hair
Strong as a vine of silk
Growing as I do with electric tresses
reaching reaching towards the ground.
MM 11/11/05
So what do I have a ton of now? TIME. WHAT TO DO WITH IT? There is a steady stream of ideas coming to my mind. In this moment I am content to be sitting at home on a friday night, new Jamiroquai playing on the player..very funky. GOT A NEW FRIDGE TODAY! Thank you ALLEN!! It's lovely. This means cooking cooking cooking.
Went dancing last night and met a blue haired german boy...by decent not from there. He complimented my dancing. He said I was by far the best female dancer on the floor. That was really nice to hear and I'm not sure why. Perhaps it was nice to know I was getting noticed and that I do look as good dancing as I feel dancing. I'd like to think that it's not important for me to feel noticed. That's been a common theme with me. Like there is a part of me screaming inside saying pay attention to me! The eternal younger child wanting to be heard from the back seat of the car with my own opinions, emotions, desires, and dreams. Am I at the point where I am ready to explore and express them, for them to be heard? Yes, it's time.
So what will I do with this time? I will be happy with where I am in the moment. I will be happy in the confidence that the plans I have set out for myself will come to fruition as I invision them and I will not be distracted from my own stability by a shiny stone in the slipstream of dreaming.
I will have my dreams at night and live my dream in the waking.
I will no longer hope and wish I could do all those things I've always wanted.
I will do what I want instead of talking about it.
I will sing dance and laugh my way through life for my tears have been shed for years. I am ready to feel the sun, to glow in it and let it's warmth fill me up to the deepest depths of my insides.
I won't be afraid of what people think of me because that has never truly mattered.
I will be the person that I want to be and I will have a fabulous time figuring that out. I know people with sparkling personalities and I want to see my own sparkle, no FEEL that sparkle every day. People are beginning to notice...or maybe, I am just noticing them noticing me. Maybe I am just beginning to notice me, being here. am I awakening from a 5 year sleep? Am I finally forgiving my self for the things I've done, to others, to myself? Forgiving bad decisions, bad choices, bad judgement calls, bad tact. Is this what being an adult is? Being concious in the every day and living as fully as possible....no, this is something else. Of course, I never said I was a "grown Up".
Playful with focus. Responsibility without frigidity. Desire without desperation. courage with vision. Purpose with excitement and grounding.
I am happy. I am loved. I have angels all around me whispering truth. I have guides showing me the path. Will I take it up? Which one to take? Do I have to choose? No...I will take them all, it is all of me and I will not leave behind a piece of it. I do not have to settle for a life less ordinary. I know what I love, so now I just have to remember.
Waking from my dreams keep the fantasy mundane away. The vision is fleeting but my soul remembers the tune.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel my hair
Strong as a vine of silk
Growing as I do with electric tresses
reaching reaching towards the ground.
MM 11/11/05