Fic: Our Bodies Get Bigger, But Our Hearts Get Torn Up
Fandom: The Social Network
Title: Our Bodies Get Bigger, But Our Hearts Get Torn Up
Character/Pairing(s): Dustin/Chris, sort of Mark/Eduardo
Rating: PG
Word Count: 3583
Summary: While trying to escape the fighting between his dads, Dustin finds comfort with his best friend, Chris.
Disclaimer: Based on the fictional representations of these people, and I do not own them.
A/N - Because there's only so many times you can say Dustin is a child of divorce before something like this happens. Let me know what you think. And as always, GO TEAM HUGHES!
Dustin can still hear the shouting even though he's wearing massive headphones on full blast. He didn't know it was humanly possible to yell that loud, but apparently angry people can manage extraordinary things. Right now, his dads are probably the angriest people on earth.
This fight is worse than the others. They're all horrible, but this one feels like the biggest one they've had. Plus, this is the first time things have been thrown. Dustin was too afraid to go down and check when he heard the shatter, and from the continuous yelling whoever threw the object missed, but it still shows just how awful this fight is compared to the others.
There's a feeling in the bottom of Dustin's stomach. It's been there ever since Eduardo moved out, and it's been getting worse and worse. It's a sense of foreboding. He knows what it means-he knows what's coming-but it doesn't make it any easier.
The worst part is it probably could have worked itself out. They were having a pleasant dinner together. For the last few weeks Eduardo had been coming over for dinner, and things seemed to be going well. His dads were getting along, and it even felt like maybe they could all work through this and still come out as a family, but then Dustin accidentally asked if Sean Parker would be coming around again, and all their progress went to hell.
They didn't even wait until Dustin was out of earshot for this one to break out. He was only halfway up the stairs when he heard Eduardo exclaim, “Really, Mark? Sean fucking Parker?” And the floodgates were flung open after that.
Dustin switches his music off, because it's not doing any good, and he doesn't want to pointlessly burst his own eardrums.
“-don't want him near my son, and I don't want him in my house!”
“People live in their houses, Wardo! You've been gone for months!”
“And why do you think that is?”
“I don't see why you can't just-”
“Are you even listening?”
“Are you?”
Dustin presses the speed-dial on his phone, and prays for Chris to still be awake. He presses the phone tightly to his ear, trying to block out the sounds from downstairs.
“Are you dying?” Chris' voice answers after four rings. He sounds groggy.
“What?”
“It's the only acceptable explanation for you to be calling at 1am.” Only Chris can sound both irritated and fond at the same time.
Dustin grins. “Don't be such an old man, Christopher.”
“Old man?” Chris asks, somehow sounding less awake than before. He probably stuck the phone between the pillow and his ear so he wouldn't have to hold it. The thought makes Dustin wish he was in Chris' bed with him.
“Because you probably went to bed at 9pm,” Dustin explains.
“Oh, you mean because I have normal sleeping habits,” Chris corrects him. Dustin hears the smile in his voice.
Downstairs, somebody shouts fuck you. Dustin opens the window and sticks his head out, hoping maybe the wind from outside will muffle it a bit. It doesn't matter; he can tell from the silence that Chris heard it too.
“Everything alright?”
“Wanna hang out?” Dustin asks. He hates how desperate his voice sounds.
“At 1am? Sure. Let's go bowling,” Chris replies sarcastically. There's concern in his voice too. He's only acting like this because he knows Dustin doesn't like making a big deal out of his parents' fighting, even though they both know it is a big deal.
“Let's go for a drive,” Dustin suggests.
“Neither of us have a car,” Chris reminds him.
“I'll meet you outside your house,” Dustin says, ignoring him. “Get your mom's keys.”
Chris sighs. “Where are we going?” He asks. He doesn't really want to know. It's his super-secretive way of asking what's going on?
“I'll tell you everything later. Just grab your mom's keys, and get your ass outside.”
Chris sighs again. “You better not make me wait forty minutes like last time. It's cold out.”
Dustin grins. “Ten minutes, tops,” he says.
“So I'll see you in twenty,” Chris replies knowingly, and hangs up.
Dustin sticks his head back inside. There isn't anymore shouting, but that doesn't mean the fighting has stopped. It only means it' getting worse. They get vicious when they're quiet.
He creaks the door open, and only catches 'lawyer up, asshole', before he slams the door shut. The words feel like they sting him. His heart is racing in fear of what they could mean.
No. He knows what they mean. He saw it coming from a mile away. He still feels like throwing up though.
-
Chris is standing under a streetlight across the road from his house, when Dustin rounds the corner for his street. He has his hands buried deep in the pockets of his winter jacket, and there's a scarf covering the bottom half of his face. His nose and cheeks are pink from the cold, and his hair is sticking out in odd places; a rare Chris Hughes bed-head.
Dustin thinks he looks ridiculous. He wants to nuzzle Chris, because he looks so cozy. He also wants to mess up Chris' hair even more. When he reaches the blonde he does both, pulling Chris into a nuzzle-hug and then ruffling his hair with both hands as he pulls away.
“You are such a weirdo,” Chris says, unsuccessfully trying to smooth his hair into place.
“Keys?” Dustin asks with a satisfied smirk.
Chris throws him his dad's keys. “Couldn't find my mom's keys. I think she hid them.”
“Why would she hide them?” Dustin asks, leading the way to Chris' dad's van.
Chris shrugs. “Probably doesn't want me sneaking off in the night with insane redheads or something.”
“I hear that's a common worry for mothers,” Dustin quips.
“You can never be too careful in this neighbourhood.”
Dustin stops at the driver's door. “Did you check everywhere for the keys. Because sometimes you say you've lost things, and then you find them in your pockets.”
“No, Dustin, that's just you,” Chris deadpans. “And I swear, I can't find them.”
Dustin sighs. “Fine. I just really hate the van.”
“I know.” Chris pats him on the shoulder in half-hearted sympathy before walking around to the passenger side.
-
Dustin drives them to the empty parking lot of the local supermarket. Despite being the local supermarket, it's actually far enough away from their neighbourhood that it takes a good thirty minute drive to get there. Dustin likes it because it's placed on a hill of their tiny little town.
When they were younger, he told Chris he felt like the supermarket was the king, and all the houses and the other stores in the town were it's loyal followers, down below. Chris, of course, made sarcastic comments about Dustin's sanity in reply, but he did it with a fond smile; that's why Chris Hughes is his best friend.
You can see the rooftops of every house from the parking lot. That's why Dustin drives up there, so he can pretend they're kings even though he feels like a helpless peasant.
“You read too many fables stories,” is Chris' response to this line of reasoning.
They park the van in the middle of the lot, and sit in the back, letting their legs hang out of the open doors. They're huddled together, to keep warm, and also because it just feels nicer when they're close.
“So what happened this time?” Chris asks. His breath fogs in front of him, and he's trying to hide his shivers by stuffing his hands between his legs.
He usually lets Dustin tell him with some easy prompting, but Dustin's being cryptic tonight. He can tell Chris has been dying to ask, since the phone call.
“They're getting divorced.”
“You've been saying that for months; how's this time any different?” Chris asks.
Dustin sighs. “Because this time they talked-well screamed-about lawyers. Plus, I'm pretty sure Pops took the opportunity to get rid of the vase Grandma sent us last year by throwing it at Dad.”
“How do you know it was Eduardo?” Chris asks.
“He's more subtle about getting rid of things he doesn't want. I bet Dad knew what he was doing as well, and fought about that too.”
Chris turns to watch Dustin's profile. If his concern could produce heat, neither of them would be shivering right now. “Okay. So what now?” He asks.
Dustin shrugs. “I'll join a circus.”
Chris chuckles. “Naturally, that's the only sound response,” He jokes.
“I'm scared, Chris,” Dustin admits. “They were so in love, and now it's just gone. I mean, they used to always go out together, and Pops would force Dad to cuddle on the couch, and they'd jump on the bed together. Couples who jump on beds together for fun shouldn't ever break up. My parents are just too scared to fix it. What if I end up like that, one day?”
Chris frowns in confusion. “They used to jump on the bed?”
“I could hear the bed creaking sometimes when I was little. Which was kind of hypocritical since whenever I did it I got in trouble.”
The corners of Chris' lips curl upwards. “Dustin, I think they were having sex.”
Dustin grimaces. “Well thank you for ruining that fond memory.”
Chris breathes out a laugh, that clouds in front of his face. Dustin smiles back.
It's just so much easier with Chris. It doesn't matter how terrible his life feels, whenever he's around Chris everything just seems to wash away, and Dustin will end up filled with warmth and butterflies. Chris is like a human Hakuna Matata.
Chris pulls his now blue hands out from his legs and takes Dustin's gloved hand in his, holding it between both his palms. He stares down at them. He has that look on his face that he gets whenever he's studying, that look of deep thought. Dustin would give anything to know what Chris is thinking. Despite knowing him since they were both toddlers, Dustin still finds parts of Chris such a mystery to him.
He wonders sometimes, what would happen if he gave it a try. He wants to, so desperately. He has for so long that he can't even remember when it started. But the problem is that Chris might not feel the same way. Chris might not want to find out what goes on in Dustin's head. Chris might only want to just be best friends, and only best friends. If he tries something, and Chris doesn't feel the same way, Dustin could lose him, and that's just not an option.
Chris is everything, and Dustin is fine with keeping these feelings hidden, as long as Chris stays.
“It's gonna be okay,” He whispers, tangling their fingers together, and turning to look at Dustin. “You're not gonna end up like them.”
“You don't know that,” Dustin counters.
“Dustin, you speak pretty much every thought that comes to mind, and you listen to the people you care about. You don't jump to conclusions, you don't lash out, and you don't run away when you're scared of something. You're the complete opposite of your dads. Trust me, you'll do fine.”
Dustin grins at the sound of Chris' reassurances. He likes that Chris is has so much faith in him. He acts like the world will stop turning if Dustin is unhappy for more than five minutes. No one else can make him feel like that.
He'd probably be in some dark place without him. Even just the thought of him not being around makes it hard to breathe. For all his doubts that love goes away, he knows he feels it with Chris, and he knows it won't just disappear one day. It's different than what his parents have-had. It's stronger too. It's not some silly thing that started out in college and then tired itself out until there was only bitterness left. It's full of understanding, and patience. And as far as Chris knows, it's still platonic.
“I just don't want to fall in love, and then find it gone one day,” Dustin says, because he's not delusional. He knows it can still happen. Apparently, love is random like that.
“Then I guess you'll have to find some one you know is gonna stay,” Chris tells him. His eyes are large in the darkness. He gives Dustin a small smile of reassurance; a smile that says, it's okay, I'm here.
Dustin yawns, finally feeling the effects of staying up late in a cold and empty parking lot. He rests his head lazily on Chris' shoulder. Chris lifts up his other hand, and runs his fingers softly through his hair. It sends shivers down his spine, and makes him feel even sleepier.
“If I ran away to the circus, you'd come with me, right?” He hums.
“I don't know if anyone would believe I ran away. My parents would probably assume you kidnapped me, and forced me into clownism or something,” Chris quips.
“That's what I'd do if you said no. Your parents know me well.”
Chris breathes out an amused laugh. “They'll be thrilled.”
Dustin lets his eyes slide close, and clears his mind of everything but Chris' fingers, dancing on his scalp.
“You wouldn't have to kidnap me, though,” Chris adds quietly. Dustin knows it wasn't loud, but in the silence of the night it's almost like an echoing scream. It's even louder in his heart.
“I'd follow you anywhere.”
“Yeah?”
“I swear it.”
-
Chris drives them home when the sun starts to rise. Dustin watches from the passenger seat, as the sky glows hundreds of shades of pink and orange. The dawn is always his favourite part of these little nightly adventures-not that they have that many of them.
They're both silent for the entire drive. Chris is trying to pretend he's lost in thought, or focused on the road, but every few minutes Dustin feels his best friend's glance on him again. He smirks a little after the fifth time. He feels Chris smirking back, knowingly.
Chris parks the van around the corner. He's being very gentlemanly. He even gets out to open the door for Dustin, and offers to walk him to his door.
“It's around the corner, you goon,” Dustin laughs at him, but he smiles and bumps shoulders with him, as they stroll together.
He keeps smiling to himself, until he reaches the top of the driveway, and sees Eduardo standing by his car, fumbling with his keys.
“Pops?”
Eduardo jumps, dropping the keys with fright. They make a jingle that sounds louder than it should. “Dustin?” He whispers. His voice sounds hoarse and cracked.
Dustin notices the unusually messy state his father is in. His hair is askew, his eyes red-rimmed, and his shirt is inside out and he missed two buttons while putting it on. His belt's not even closed properly.
Oh, Dustin thinks.
He feels a sudden rage towards his father, because this is so wrong. He can't do this to Mark. He can't do this to him! They're supposed to be a family, and now he's just-
“Where are you going?” Dustin asks, even though they all know exactly where he's going.
Eduardo's face falls. Dustin can see his eyes start to water again, but he blinks them away quickly. Dustin's own throat is closing up. It's wrong. This is all wrong. He's not supposed to leave! He has to stay here for them. And yet, here he is, fleeing the last chance they could have had at reconciliation. Probably because he's scared. Scared and tired. Scared of finishing the goodbye he doesn't want to say.
Dustin wants to tell him things are gonna turn out okay, but he also wants to scream and make him stay.
“I'm sorry, Dustin,” Eduardo whispers, his voice cracking with every syllable. “I- I can't. I tried, and I screwed it up again, and-” He swallows, rubbing at his eyes. “I'm so sorry,” He whispers to the concrete ground.
Dustin feels a tear run down his own cheek, and realizes he has started crying. He wipes it away quickly, not wanting to make his father feel even more guilty than he already does. “It's okay, Pops,” He croaks, even though it's the furthest thing from okay.
Eduardo looks up, and gives him a broken smile. “Take care of your dad,” He says. He pulls his son in for a hug, and kisses his forehead, mouthing 'I love you' into Dustin's hairline. He sighs as he pulls away.
He picks up his keys, and nods to Chris, who has been lurking behind Dustin for the entire exchange. Chris nods back, and pulls Dustin out of the way of Eduardo's car so he can drive away. Dustin goes easily; he doesn't have the strength to fight it.
He watches his father pull out of the driveway, and down the street, probably for the last time.
“You okay?” Chris asks, gently.
Dustin gives him a thankful smile. The tears that dried on his face feel like an invisible mask on his skin. He doesn't know how he feels, honestly. He feels angry, and sad, and relived that it's all over, and completely destroyed from all of it. He's just a salad of jumbled up emotions.
“I feel like a salad,” He says.
Chris smiles, tiredly. “I take it as a sign of good mental health that I don't fully understand your logic,” He replies, but it sounds like 'I'm here for you.'
“Can you- your parents won't send out a Missing Persons if you stay the rest of the morning, will they?”
Chris' eyes soften. “I told you, Mom already knows about the sneaking around with insane redheads,” He says, leading the way up to the house.
-
Dustin came out of his bedroom window when he sneaked out, but they use the front door to go back in.
Just as he suspected, Grandma's vase lays shattered all over the floor. He stares at it for a second, before Chris nudges him gently and they move on. They both hop over it and head for the stairs, tip-toeing, quietly.
His parents' bedroom door is ajar, like Eduardo was so afraid of waking Mark that he didn't even click it shut. Dustin stops to peak in, as Chris goes ahead to his bedroom. He can see his dad's curls peaking over a mess of covers. His clothes are strewn out all over the floor.
Dustin's about to move on, but he spots Eduardo's jacket hanging neatly on a chair. He probably forgot it in his silent distress.
Dustin slips into the room and takes the jacket. It'll probably be better for everyone if it's not there when Mark wakes up.
He stops for a moment, and watches his dad, sound asleep. This is going to ruin him. It has ruined all of them.
Dustin wishes his dad had tried harder. Maybe if he wasn't so scared it could have worked out. He stops the thought quickly though. Nothing good ever comes from the what ifs.
He lets the door click shut when he leaves.
Chris is already in his bed, when he enters his room. His winter layers are piled on top of Dustin's desk, and he's hiding under Dustin's duvet, smiling sheepishly at him.
Dustin takes off his own jacket, and shoes, and slips under the covers. He thinks about his parents, and how ridiculous they're both being. They still love each other, they just don't know how to communicate it anymore. They're idiots, really. Frightened idiots.
Dustin doesn't want to be like them. He doesn't want to wake up alone, one day, and realize he missed out on something wonderful because he was scared. And Chris is the most wonderful thing he can think of. He's done being afraid, because Chris has put up with a lot thus far, and he's still here.
I'd follow you anywhere, he had said.
Chris would never sneak out at dawn just to avoid a real goodbye. Chris would never have to.
“What are you thinking?” Chris asks, quietly, watching Dustin intensely.
Dustin doesn't answer. Instead he leans in and plants his lips on Chris'. He gasps a little, but Dustin feel his lashes brush closed on his skin, and then Chris is kissing him back. Dustin shuffles their bodies closer together, wanting to be as near to Chris as is humanly possible. He feels Chris' hand slide up to his waist, then stop.
When they finally pull away Chris grins like he can't help it. His cheeks are flushed pink, and his lips are shinning. “What, uh- what was that for?” He asks. He bites his lip, trying to hide his smile away, but it's a permanent fixture on his face.
“For being here,” Dustin says, smiling too. On Chris Hughes it's infectious.
Chris stares at him. His eyes are full of love, and hope, and pure joy. Dustin can't remember the last time he saw something so perfectly beautiful. He wraps himself around Chris, and clings to him for dear life. Chris puts his arms around him, playing with his hair again.
“It's all gonna be okay, Dustin,” He whispers into the crown of his head. “I'm right here.”
It's far from okay. Everything is broken now. But Chris is there, and he always will be. For Dustin, it's enough.
Title: Our Bodies Get Bigger, But Our Hearts Get Torn Up
Character/Pairing(s): Dustin/Chris, sort of Mark/Eduardo
Rating: PG
Word Count: 3583
Summary: While trying to escape the fighting between his dads, Dustin finds comfort with his best friend, Chris.
Disclaimer: Based on the fictional representations of these people, and I do not own them.
A/N - Because there's only so many times you can say Dustin is a child of divorce before something like this happens. Let me know what you think. And as always, GO TEAM HUGHES!
Dustin can still hear the shouting even though he's wearing massive headphones on full blast. He didn't know it was humanly possible to yell that loud, but apparently angry people can manage extraordinary things. Right now, his dads are probably the angriest people on earth.
This fight is worse than the others. They're all horrible, but this one feels like the biggest one they've had. Plus, this is the first time things have been thrown. Dustin was too afraid to go down and check when he heard the shatter, and from the continuous yelling whoever threw the object missed, but it still shows just how awful this fight is compared to the others.
There's a feeling in the bottom of Dustin's stomach. It's been there ever since Eduardo moved out, and it's been getting worse and worse. It's a sense of foreboding. He knows what it means-he knows what's coming-but it doesn't make it any easier.
The worst part is it probably could have worked itself out. They were having a pleasant dinner together. For the last few weeks Eduardo had been coming over for dinner, and things seemed to be going well. His dads were getting along, and it even felt like maybe they could all work through this and still come out as a family, but then Dustin accidentally asked if Sean Parker would be coming around again, and all their progress went to hell.
They didn't even wait until Dustin was out of earshot for this one to break out. He was only halfway up the stairs when he heard Eduardo exclaim, “Really, Mark? Sean fucking Parker?” And the floodgates were flung open after that.
Dustin switches his music off, because it's not doing any good, and he doesn't want to pointlessly burst his own eardrums.
“-don't want him near my son, and I don't want him in my house!”
“People live in their houses, Wardo! You've been gone for months!”
“And why do you think that is?”
“I don't see why you can't just-”
“Are you even listening?”
“Are you?”
Dustin presses the speed-dial on his phone, and prays for Chris to still be awake. He presses the phone tightly to his ear, trying to block out the sounds from downstairs.
“Are you dying?” Chris' voice answers after four rings. He sounds groggy.
“What?”
“It's the only acceptable explanation for you to be calling at 1am.” Only Chris can sound both irritated and fond at the same time.
Dustin grins. “Don't be such an old man, Christopher.”
“Old man?” Chris asks, somehow sounding less awake than before. He probably stuck the phone between the pillow and his ear so he wouldn't have to hold it. The thought makes Dustin wish he was in Chris' bed with him.
“Because you probably went to bed at 9pm,” Dustin explains.
“Oh, you mean because I have normal sleeping habits,” Chris corrects him. Dustin hears the smile in his voice.
Downstairs, somebody shouts fuck you. Dustin opens the window and sticks his head out, hoping maybe the wind from outside will muffle it a bit. It doesn't matter; he can tell from the silence that Chris heard it too.
“Everything alright?”
“Wanna hang out?” Dustin asks. He hates how desperate his voice sounds.
“At 1am? Sure. Let's go bowling,” Chris replies sarcastically. There's concern in his voice too. He's only acting like this because he knows Dustin doesn't like making a big deal out of his parents' fighting, even though they both know it is a big deal.
“Let's go for a drive,” Dustin suggests.
“Neither of us have a car,” Chris reminds him.
“I'll meet you outside your house,” Dustin says, ignoring him. “Get your mom's keys.”
Chris sighs. “Where are we going?” He asks. He doesn't really want to know. It's his super-secretive way of asking what's going on?
“I'll tell you everything later. Just grab your mom's keys, and get your ass outside.”
Chris sighs again. “You better not make me wait forty minutes like last time. It's cold out.”
Dustin grins. “Ten minutes, tops,” he says.
“So I'll see you in twenty,” Chris replies knowingly, and hangs up.
Dustin sticks his head back inside. There isn't anymore shouting, but that doesn't mean the fighting has stopped. It only means it' getting worse. They get vicious when they're quiet.
He creaks the door open, and only catches 'lawyer up, asshole', before he slams the door shut. The words feel like they sting him. His heart is racing in fear of what they could mean.
No. He knows what they mean. He saw it coming from a mile away. He still feels like throwing up though.
-
Chris is standing under a streetlight across the road from his house, when Dustin rounds the corner for his street. He has his hands buried deep in the pockets of his winter jacket, and there's a scarf covering the bottom half of his face. His nose and cheeks are pink from the cold, and his hair is sticking out in odd places; a rare Chris Hughes bed-head.
Dustin thinks he looks ridiculous. He wants to nuzzle Chris, because he looks so cozy. He also wants to mess up Chris' hair even more. When he reaches the blonde he does both, pulling Chris into a nuzzle-hug and then ruffling his hair with both hands as he pulls away.
“You are such a weirdo,” Chris says, unsuccessfully trying to smooth his hair into place.
“Keys?” Dustin asks with a satisfied smirk.
Chris throws him his dad's keys. “Couldn't find my mom's keys. I think she hid them.”
“Why would she hide them?” Dustin asks, leading the way to Chris' dad's van.
Chris shrugs. “Probably doesn't want me sneaking off in the night with insane redheads or something.”
“I hear that's a common worry for mothers,” Dustin quips.
“You can never be too careful in this neighbourhood.”
Dustin stops at the driver's door. “Did you check everywhere for the keys. Because sometimes you say you've lost things, and then you find them in your pockets.”
“No, Dustin, that's just you,” Chris deadpans. “And I swear, I can't find them.”
Dustin sighs. “Fine. I just really hate the van.”
“I know.” Chris pats him on the shoulder in half-hearted sympathy before walking around to the passenger side.
-
Dustin drives them to the empty parking lot of the local supermarket. Despite being the local supermarket, it's actually far enough away from their neighbourhood that it takes a good thirty minute drive to get there. Dustin likes it because it's placed on a hill of their tiny little town.
When they were younger, he told Chris he felt like the supermarket was the king, and all the houses and the other stores in the town were it's loyal followers, down below. Chris, of course, made sarcastic comments about Dustin's sanity in reply, but he did it with a fond smile; that's why Chris Hughes is his best friend.
You can see the rooftops of every house from the parking lot. That's why Dustin drives up there, so he can pretend they're kings even though he feels like a helpless peasant.
“You read too many fables stories,” is Chris' response to this line of reasoning.
They park the van in the middle of the lot, and sit in the back, letting their legs hang out of the open doors. They're huddled together, to keep warm, and also because it just feels nicer when they're close.
“So what happened this time?” Chris asks. His breath fogs in front of him, and he's trying to hide his shivers by stuffing his hands between his legs.
He usually lets Dustin tell him with some easy prompting, but Dustin's being cryptic tonight. He can tell Chris has been dying to ask, since the phone call.
“They're getting divorced.”
“You've been saying that for months; how's this time any different?” Chris asks.
Dustin sighs. “Because this time they talked-well screamed-about lawyers. Plus, I'm pretty sure Pops took the opportunity to get rid of the vase Grandma sent us last year by throwing it at Dad.”
“How do you know it was Eduardo?” Chris asks.
“He's more subtle about getting rid of things he doesn't want. I bet Dad knew what he was doing as well, and fought about that too.”
Chris turns to watch Dustin's profile. If his concern could produce heat, neither of them would be shivering right now. “Okay. So what now?” He asks.
Dustin shrugs. “I'll join a circus.”
Chris chuckles. “Naturally, that's the only sound response,” He jokes.
“I'm scared, Chris,” Dustin admits. “They were so in love, and now it's just gone. I mean, they used to always go out together, and Pops would force Dad to cuddle on the couch, and they'd jump on the bed together. Couples who jump on beds together for fun shouldn't ever break up. My parents are just too scared to fix it. What if I end up like that, one day?”
Chris frowns in confusion. “They used to jump on the bed?”
“I could hear the bed creaking sometimes when I was little. Which was kind of hypocritical since whenever I did it I got in trouble.”
The corners of Chris' lips curl upwards. “Dustin, I think they were having sex.”
Dustin grimaces. “Well thank you for ruining that fond memory.”
Chris breathes out a laugh, that clouds in front of his face. Dustin smiles back.
It's just so much easier with Chris. It doesn't matter how terrible his life feels, whenever he's around Chris everything just seems to wash away, and Dustin will end up filled with warmth and butterflies. Chris is like a human Hakuna Matata.
Chris pulls his now blue hands out from his legs and takes Dustin's gloved hand in his, holding it between both his palms. He stares down at them. He has that look on his face that he gets whenever he's studying, that look of deep thought. Dustin would give anything to know what Chris is thinking. Despite knowing him since they were both toddlers, Dustin still finds parts of Chris such a mystery to him.
He wonders sometimes, what would happen if he gave it a try. He wants to, so desperately. He has for so long that he can't even remember when it started. But the problem is that Chris might not feel the same way. Chris might not want to find out what goes on in Dustin's head. Chris might only want to just be best friends, and only best friends. If he tries something, and Chris doesn't feel the same way, Dustin could lose him, and that's just not an option.
Chris is everything, and Dustin is fine with keeping these feelings hidden, as long as Chris stays.
“It's gonna be okay,” He whispers, tangling their fingers together, and turning to look at Dustin. “You're not gonna end up like them.”
“You don't know that,” Dustin counters.
“Dustin, you speak pretty much every thought that comes to mind, and you listen to the people you care about. You don't jump to conclusions, you don't lash out, and you don't run away when you're scared of something. You're the complete opposite of your dads. Trust me, you'll do fine.”
Dustin grins at the sound of Chris' reassurances. He likes that Chris is has so much faith in him. He acts like the world will stop turning if Dustin is unhappy for more than five minutes. No one else can make him feel like that.
He'd probably be in some dark place without him. Even just the thought of him not being around makes it hard to breathe. For all his doubts that love goes away, he knows he feels it with Chris, and he knows it won't just disappear one day. It's different than what his parents have-had. It's stronger too. It's not some silly thing that started out in college and then tired itself out until there was only bitterness left. It's full of understanding, and patience. And as far as Chris knows, it's still platonic.
“I just don't want to fall in love, and then find it gone one day,” Dustin says, because he's not delusional. He knows it can still happen. Apparently, love is random like that.
“Then I guess you'll have to find some one you know is gonna stay,” Chris tells him. His eyes are large in the darkness. He gives Dustin a small smile of reassurance; a smile that says, it's okay, I'm here.
Dustin yawns, finally feeling the effects of staying up late in a cold and empty parking lot. He rests his head lazily on Chris' shoulder. Chris lifts up his other hand, and runs his fingers softly through his hair. It sends shivers down his spine, and makes him feel even sleepier.
“If I ran away to the circus, you'd come with me, right?” He hums.
“I don't know if anyone would believe I ran away. My parents would probably assume you kidnapped me, and forced me into clownism or something,” Chris quips.
“That's what I'd do if you said no. Your parents know me well.”
Chris breathes out an amused laugh. “They'll be thrilled.”
Dustin lets his eyes slide close, and clears his mind of everything but Chris' fingers, dancing on his scalp.
“You wouldn't have to kidnap me, though,” Chris adds quietly. Dustin knows it wasn't loud, but in the silence of the night it's almost like an echoing scream. It's even louder in his heart.
“I'd follow you anywhere.”
“Yeah?”
“I swear it.”
-
Chris drives them home when the sun starts to rise. Dustin watches from the passenger seat, as the sky glows hundreds of shades of pink and orange. The dawn is always his favourite part of these little nightly adventures-not that they have that many of them.
They're both silent for the entire drive. Chris is trying to pretend he's lost in thought, or focused on the road, but every few minutes Dustin feels his best friend's glance on him again. He smirks a little after the fifth time. He feels Chris smirking back, knowingly.
Chris parks the van around the corner. He's being very gentlemanly. He even gets out to open the door for Dustin, and offers to walk him to his door.
“It's around the corner, you goon,” Dustin laughs at him, but he smiles and bumps shoulders with him, as they stroll together.
He keeps smiling to himself, until he reaches the top of the driveway, and sees Eduardo standing by his car, fumbling with his keys.
“Pops?”
Eduardo jumps, dropping the keys with fright. They make a jingle that sounds louder than it should. “Dustin?” He whispers. His voice sounds hoarse and cracked.
Dustin notices the unusually messy state his father is in. His hair is askew, his eyes red-rimmed, and his shirt is inside out and he missed two buttons while putting it on. His belt's not even closed properly.
Oh, Dustin thinks.
He feels a sudden rage towards his father, because this is so wrong. He can't do this to Mark. He can't do this to him! They're supposed to be a family, and now he's just-
“Where are you going?” Dustin asks, even though they all know exactly where he's going.
Eduardo's face falls. Dustin can see his eyes start to water again, but he blinks them away quickly. Dustin's own throat is closing up. It's wrong. This is all wrong. He's not supposed to leave! He has to stay here for them. And yet, here he is, fleeing the last chance they could have had at reconciliation. Probably because he's scared. Scared and tired. Scared of finishing the goodbye he doesn't want to say.
Dustin wants to tell him things are gonna turn out okay, but he also wants to scream and make him stay.
“I'm sorry, Dustin,” Eduardo whispers, his voice cracking with every syllable. “I- I can't. I tried, and I screwed it up again, and-” He swallows, rubbing at his eyes. “I'm so sorry,” He whispers to the concrete ground.
Dustin feels a tear run down his own cheek, and realizes he has started crying. He wipes it away quickly, not wanting to make his father feel even more guilty than he already does. “It's okay, Pops,” He croaks, even though it's the furthest thing from okay.
Eduardo looks up, and gives him a broken smile. “Take care of your dad,” He says. He pulls his son in for a hug, and kisses his forehead, mouthing 'I love you' into Dustin's hairline. He sighs as he pulls away.
He picks up his keys, and nods to Chris, who has been lurking behind Dustin for the entire exchange. Chris nods back, and pulls Dustin out of the way of Eduardo's car so he can drive away. Dustin goes easily; he doesn't have the strength to fight it.
He watches his father pull out of the driveway, and down the street, probably for the last time.
“You okay?” Chris asks, gently.
Dustin gives him a thankful smile. The tears that dried on his face feel like an invisible mask on his skin. He doesn't know how he feels, honestly. He feels angry, and sad, and relived that it's all over, and completely destroyed from all of it. He's just a salad of jumbled up emotions.
“I feel like a salad,” He says.
Chris smiles, tiredly. “I take it as a sign of good mental health that I don't fully understand your logic,” He replies, but it sounds like 'I'm here for you.'
“Can you- your parents won't send out a Missing Persons if you stay the rest of the morning, will they?”
Chris' eyes soften. “I told you, Mom already knows about the sneaking around with insane redheads,” He says, leading the way up to the house.
-
Dustin came out of his bedroom window when he sneaked out, but they use the front door to go back in.
Just as he suspected, Grandma's vase lays shattered all over the floor. He stares at it for a second, before Chris nudges him gently and they move on. They both hop over it and head for the stairs, tip-toeing, quietly.
His parents' bedroom door is ajar, like Eduardo was so afraid of waking Mark that he didn't even click it shut. Dustin stops to peak in, as Chris goes ahead to his bedroom. He can see his dad's curls peaking over a mess of covers. His clothes are strewn out all over the floor.
Dustin's about to move on, but he spots Eduardo's jacket hanging neatly on a chair. He probably forgot it in his silent distress.
Dustin slips into the room and takes the jacket. It'll probably be better for everyone if it's not there when Mark wakes up.
He stops for a moment, and watches his dad, sound asleep. This is going to ruin him. It has ruined all of them.
Dustin wishes his dad had tried harder. Maybe if he wasn't so scared it could have worked out. He stops the thought quickly though. Nothing good ever comes from the what ifs.
He lets the door click shut when he leaves.
Chris is already in his bed, when he enters his room. His winter layers are piled on top of Dustin's desk, and he's hiding under Dustin's duvet, smiling sheepishly at him.
Dustin takes off his own jacket, and shoes, and slips under the covers. He thinks about his parents, and how ridiculous they're both being. They still love each other, they just don't know how to communicate it anymore. They're idiots, really. Frightened idiots.
Dustin doesn't want to be like them. He doesn't want to wake up alone, one day, and realize he missed out on something wonderful because he was scared. And Chris is the most wonderful thing he can think of. He's done being afraid, because Chris has put up with a lot thus far, and he's still here.
I'd follow you anywhere, he had said.
Chris would never sneak out at dawn just to avoid a real goodbye. Chris would never have to.
“What are you thinking?” Chris asks, quietly, watching Dustin intensely.
Dustin doesn't answer. Instead he leans in and plants his lips on Chris'. He gasps a little, but Dustin feel his lashes brush closed on his skin, and then Chris is kissing him back. Dustin shuffles their bodies closer together, wanting to be as near to Chris as is humanly possible. He feels Chris' hand slide up to his waist, then stop.
When they finally pull away Chris grins like he can't help it. His cheeks are flushed pink, and his lips are shinning. “What, uh- what was that for?” He asks. He bites his lip, trying to hide his smile away, but it's a permanent fixture on his face.
“For being here,” Dustin says, smiling too. On Chris Hughes it's infectious.
Chris stares at him. His eyes are full of love, and hope, and pure joy. Dustin can't remember the last time he saw something so perfectly beautiful. He wraps himself around Chris, and clings to him for dear life. Chris puts his arms around him, playing with his hair again.
“It's all gonna be okay, Dustin,” He whispers into the crown of his head. “I'm right here.”
It's far from okay. Everything is broken now. But Chris is there, and he always will be. For Dustin, it's enough.