Just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in!
I don't think the title is really all that apt, but whatever. It's an awesome quote nonetheless.
So I'm 22 now, and I guess it feels like it, too. I feel like I'm getting older, and the more I think about that, the more lost I feel. While it was very short and unexpected, Jessie and I arguably had our deepest conversation ever today, and it really struck a nerve or two with me.
*My current course of study isn't helping me achieve what I want in life.
*The result of a vicious cycle - I need money but can't get a job. I started studying again because I was promised a job.
*That job is over now, and so I'm back in the same position as before - spending most of my time stressing about study, while not having enough money to live on, pushing myself further in two forms of debt.
I want to be somebody. I want to elevate myself and my friends who share similar dreams to the levels which we aspire. I want to be able to live and survive and thrive. I want something else to get me through this semi-charmed kind of life.
How do I get myself back to the days where everyone had creative energies sparking off one another? Just look at how much ICE did in 2005 compared to 2006, and keep in mind that I was working on the ESD script for most of 2005 and only a short while in 2006. I want to get out there and make things, or at the very least finish editing the projects we've got half-done already. I guess I'll have to put some pressure on James "Ronnoco" O'Conner to rejoin Scorpio at the commentary table for Deathmatches.
I think that more than work, more than study, Claire impeded my recent creativity. I always know in my head with girls that if it's a long term thing, I'll open up creatively, if I don't see any future, I simply don't bother. I didn't even tell Tina that I was into filmmaking back when we were dancing around the idea of dating in 2001. While practically the first thing I did with Claire was to show her the ICE playlist (she'd heard so much about it from Gary), I found out very quickly that she's incredibly critical and we don't share the same taste in most comedy.
I didn't think anything would be long term with her, so I tested the waters to make sure, by telling her about a concept that I was relatively enthusiastic about - a debate/call-in type show with me, Sam and Gary discussing topics, starting with their favourite - war. I could barely describe the appeal of the show before she was berating it as bad as Mayor Michael Laws berated me during my 'job interview'. So I never did tell her about Everyone Stupid Dies beyond the preview, bloopers etc she'd seen.
To sum it up and branching into that new topic, she was no good for me. We had some fun, but her motives for it had very little to do with me. She's legitimately crazy, more so than anyone I've ever met. I know the term is Bipolar now, but Manic Depressive really is extremely accurate in describing Claire. In the end she's intolerable, and I'm glad to have cut ties with her. I can't thank Jessie enough for guiding me through it all, who knows how fucked up I would be without her!
I really don't know what else to talk about, I'm sure there's more to my life than what's been said... Um, work was good while it lasted - getting paid $25/hr to stay awake is a life I could live for longer than I did! And ICEntertainment has finally been upgraded to its new look. Hurrah!
Lightning comes and lightning goes
It's all the same to me
I let it in
Coz I want you so
I can hardly breathe or release
Into one thousand pieces I have broke into
Over you
Kill the flames at dawn
I keep burning on and on...
And the light she finds is Golden
And I can't turn my eyes away
So I'm 22 now, and I guess it feels like it, too. I feel like I'm getting older, and the more I think about that, the more lost I feel. While it was very short and unexpected, Jessie and I arguably had our deepest conversation ever today, and it really struck a nerve or two with me.
*My current course of study isn't helping me achieve what I want in life.
*The result of a vicious cycle - I need money but can't get a job. I started studying again because I was promised a job.
*That job is over now, and so I'm back in the same position as before - spending most of my time stressing about study, while not having enough money to live on, pushing myself further in two forms of debt.
I want to be somebody. I want to elevate myself and my friends who share similar dreams to the levels which we aspire. I want to be able to live and survive and thrive. I want something else to get me through this semi-charmed kind of life.
How do I get myself back to the days where everyone had creative energies sparking off one another? Just look at how much ICE did in 2005 compared to 2006, and keep in mind that I was working on the ESD script for most of 2005 and only a short while in 2006. I want to get out there and make things, or at the very least finish editing the projects we've got half-done already. I guess I'll have to put some pressure on James "Ronnoco" O'Conner to rejoin Scorpio at the commentary table for Deathmatches.
I think that more than work, more than study, Claire impeded my recent creativity. I always know in my head with girls that if it's a long term thing, I'll open up creatively, if I don't see any future, I simply don't bother. I didn't even tell Tina that I was into filmmaking back when we were dancing around the idea of dating in 2001. While practically the first thing I did with Claire was to show her the ICE playlist (she'd heard so much about it from Gary), I found out very quickly that she's incredibly critical and we don't share the same taste in most comedy.
I didn't think anything would be long term with her, so I tested the waters to make sure, by telling her about a concept that I was relatively enthusiastic about - a debate/call-in type show with me, Sam and Gary discussing topics, starting with their favourite - war. I could barely describe the appeal of the show before she was berating it as bad as Mayor Michael Laws berated me during my 'job interview'. So I never did tell her about Everyone Stupid Dies beyond the preview, bloopers etc she'd seen.
To sum it up and branching into that new topic, she was no good for me. We had some fun, but her motives for it had very little to do with me. She's legitimately crazy, more so than anyone I've ever met. I know the term is Bipolar now, but Manic Depressive really is extremely accurate in describing Claire. In the end she's intolerable, and I'm glad to have cut ties with her. I can't thank Jessie enough for guiding me through it all, who knows how fucked up I would be without her!
I really don't know what else to talk about, I'm sure there's more to my life than what's been said... Um, work was good while it lasted - getting paid $25/hr to stay awake is a life I could live for longer than I did! And ICEntertainment has finally been upgraded to its new look. Hurrah!
Lightning comes and lightning goes
It's all the same to me
I let it in
Coz I want you so
I can hardly breathe or release
Into one thousand pieces I have broke into
Over you
Kill the flames at dawn
I keep burning on and on...
And the light she finds is Golden
And I can't turn my eyes away