must write must write
I cannot sleep I must write. It comes to a point where you just gotta let it all out and i'm at that point so here it goes. P.S read at your own discretion i'm writing to let it all out so if i offend anyone in the process i appoligize now...or aka... I don't give a damn if you read it and are offended screw you !!!!!!!!!! Can we tell that i'm in a lovely mood today? In all seriousness I have been sick for the past three months I've had my good days and my bad but i've been stuck on my couch for almost 7 days. I turned 23 last week and I feel old and like i'm going nowhere and that I need to find love now or i never will ext ext. Aaron and I had our convo about how were just best friends and can never be more because the reality of it is were soulmates not lovers. First off he's a boy ick...lol...seriously though a beautiful girl makes me sweat and turn my head. I don't care how hot a boy is i've never once been like ooohhhhh i wanna jump his bones...no no ick boys penis i'm all set really. I mean i've slept with one once and it wasn't too icky but seriously i don't know im all set it just doesn't do it for me. It doesn't mean i wouldn't enjoy it it just means i could do with or without it and that right there presents a problem. U shouldn't sleep with someone just cause especially when theres feelings involved ya know. Anyways so thats the aaron saga and on top of that my mother is in the middle of a divorce, my grandmother is slowly but surely dying, and i'm the one who was there the last time she cracked her head open... I know I know I'm not responsible its not my fault ext ext but hell we all know that reality doesn't change the way people feel. I can't help but think what if I caught her before she fell, or what if i would have come down and helped her even though she didn't need help until she did and it was too late to ask. I know we can't go through life asking what if but seriously am I just suppose to accept it as life? I guess the answer is yes, but seriously that sucks...and now on top of everything else I have to somehow try and salvage this wasted semester of being ill hopefully my prof will have mercy on the fact that i've had pnuemonia twice along with seriously doing damage to the muscles/ cartilage that surrounds my rib cage along with my ribs themselves...who knew coughing could be that detrimental too ones health...ok enough of this venting and eventually I'll write about the true inner fear/dillemma ( and yes folks its a girl) but not tonight enough emotion has already been expressed for one evening...i'll write more later.