upset if i only could pin point what's causing it...
I don't know but lately I have felt like my old self, which isn't a good thing,and I really don't think my meds are working even with upgrading them. I feel moody and sad I don't know. Nothing has been going right lately and I try to keep a positive attitude and then everyone just throws the past in my face. I've tried to go out and be more/fun in their eyes but I don't know it's not me. I'm having a hard time knowing I need to find a job to make my car payment but yet I don't know what I want to do and I'm to down to motivate myself. I miss my mom and I really want to go see her. I wish I could have blown off our thing today and went home. I just want to make sure she's ok. I know I can't change the outcome of what's going to or not going to happen when she has her surgery next week but i'm worried so sue me ok. I don't think she can die but it's always going to be one of my fears. My family has a history of dying early. I already in many ways haven't had one parent all my life and I want the other to stick around for a while. I know death is inevitable in everyone's life but still not now please. For the first time in years we've made a connection and are really working towards improving our relationship. I lost my childhood because of them, and now when me and her are finally getting along this happens. I don't know i'm worried, scared, and frusterated. We had a sorority thing today which i can't talk about much but it just made me sad and I wished I was at home with her. So yeah on another note Aaron is the most supporting, caring, loving friend a person could have so i'm glad he's a part of my life. We went to goodtime's last night and it was awesome it was like we were 12 again except most everyone was drinking and stuff. We played laser tag, skeeball, and did other silly fun stuff. Anyways i'm going to go study for stuff...I'll write more later.