All matters interrelated.
As much as I enjoy getting messed up and having a good time, big blowout college parties aren't really my dig.
It's just not my favorite atmosphere, too much is going on, too many people are way out of control, and bad shit is literally bound to happen the larger it is.
I don't feel like it's bad for me to harbor this viewpoint on them either.
Don't get me wrong, I've done my fair share of partying, but I guess I'm just farther and farther removed from the mindset as time goes by. It seems to be a very prevalent one too, especially in the dorm crowds. I'm sure that's the case at most every university though.
Last night I was hanging with some of the girls who live below me and we eventually decided to go to this party down off of Wright st. I'm fairly positive the girl driving was sober but she didn't know where the hell she was going and went in a big circle around campus almost twice. Coming up on the house I can see twenty or so people on the stairs and front lawn, most of them holding drinks. They're trying to get in the house but a girl has passed out in the middle of the stairs and is basically causing a huge drunken traffic jam. Dude comes raging around from the back of the house telling everybody to shut the fuck up and get inside because the cops have been driving by. Great party omen, right?We finally get inside and head downstairs where everyone is.
Blacklights make everything look and feel so alien and unreal. Eyes flash fluorescent like cats in headlights startled from their midnight hunts.
Great thick waves of sound permeate the air, filling it with frequencies and rhythms until it is close to bursting with the undulating communal energy of a basement dance party.
Too loud to hear anything except the same thing everybody else is hearing.
Too loud to even think if you give yourself over to the energy and let it fill you and take control.
I find it hard to align myself with that wavelength sometimes, I prefer to ride my own waves. I find it more interesting and fulfilling I suppose.
Being of clear mind in such an atmosphere is plenty interesting, but it gets old really quick I guess. When you see others doing really stupid shit and making obviously terrible decisions you just realize the pitfalls and pointlessness of the whole scene.
I mean sure people are letting off steam and having a good time, which everybody needs from time to time, but the degree of it is just a little disproportionate I think.
I just find it hard to believe that your day-to-day responsibilities and obligations create so much steam that you need to drink and party hard six out of seven days a week (in some cases up here) in order to release it all.
Moderation anyone?
So I chilled for awhile down there, danced a little, grokked the spectacle playing out in front of me... Finally decided to split though.
A very inebriated girl was concerning herself greatly over the amount of "fun" I was having. Okay, my idea of "fun" doesn't exactly entail getting drunk enough to where I don't mind that she's rubbing herself all over me on the dance floor when I am neither interested or attracted to said girl in the least. Especially since I know her sober self, and let's just say a box of rocks has more of a right to be in an institution of higher learning than she...
Coupled with the increasing frequency of visits by the host turning off the lights and telling them to turn the music down because the cops kept driving by, I followed my intuition and took my leave.
My ever-present voice of self-doubt was of course piping up from the back of my chorus of thoughts, telling me that I just don't know how to deal with people well and cursing me for being socially inept and awkward.
But I've learned to ignore that voice more and more. I know to trust my gut, especially when I'm positive that my level of awareness is quite a bit higher than 95% of the people present in such a situation as that.
The range of likely outcomes if I had stayed in that basement weren't looking too good to me.
It's quite telling to say I enjoyed the midnight stroll back to the dorms much more than any events of said party.
I'd much rather have an intimate evening with a handful of good friends than the unmitigated clusterfuck (seriously) of strangers at a party like that. But that's just what I prefer, it's how I roll.
I'm quiet, more than a little reserved, but I'm no dummy.
It's a bit frustrating when people mistake silence for unintelligence, but that just makes them underestimate you.
But anyways, I just felt like writing something.
On a not entirely unrelated note, I would like to transfer my official residence to the third floor of the Lydia M. Olsen Library.
One of the study rooms would be nice, but I would settle with sleeping between the stacks at night if need be.
Sorry, I have a boner for books. Deal with it.