Fighting the Fat in China
When I first came to China, I was struck by how big I was compared to all of the other girls here. In America I was a size 4-6, about a S to M, and by American standards, pretty thin. In China I was an XL and I didn't fit into any of the pants here.
I remember the day that I went to a department store and I tried on a pair of size 40 pants. They were too tight, but that was the largest size the store carried.
In the end, the only place where I found pants that fit was the Marks and Sparks in HK and simply getting them made.
The truism about China is that men will lose weight and women will gain. I definitely gained quite a few pounds in my first few months here. I ate in a much more unhealthy way than I did before. There was no more organic delivery, no more couscous, no more runs to Whole Foods where I would blow six dollars on beautiful grapes, no more home cooked gourmet meals. Instead there was a lot of noodles and starches and days where I was gorging on fries to combat my homesickness. 東北 style food is also drenched in oil, at least compared to Cantonese food. It didn't help that in the dead of winter, when I felt so cold, all I wanted to do was eat and hibernate.
At that time I didn't really care. Yeah, some of my new pairs of pants were a little tight. Yeah, I didn't exercise (other than walking a few flights of stairs every day). Yeah, I was a porker compared to my skinny little students. But it was okay, because after all, I was still about roughly the same size I was back home.
During my Chinese New Year, my aunt told me that I should exercise. (Read: I should lose some weight. That was definitely what she meant, trust me.)
Mrs. Yu saw me for the first time after the Chinese New Year holiday, and she said, "Hmmm...your face looks like it's gotten a little rounder." Mind you, this is after I hadn't eaten for several days thanks to Mao's Revenge.
I had a meeting with my boss, and he said, in response to me mentioning that I was sick again, that I should exercise more often. It was so random. Most people, when you tell them that you're sick again, might say, "Oh, I hope you feel better." In my newly sensitive mood, I just saw this as another comment on my weight.
There was also the New York Times series of articles about Type II diabetes, and the last article was about how Asians tend to develop Type II diabetes at much lower weights than others. That freaked me out a lot.
After that, I became a little obsessed. I admit it. Even though I was miserable when I had the flu and I didn't eat for two weeks straight, I was pleased that I lost weight. And when I had that awful food poisoning incident, I was pleased again with the results. I stared at myself in the mirror every day to see if I was losing weight. (I deliberately don't have a scale.)
This is a very unhealthy way to think. Besides, I can't always catch the flu or, god forbid, food poisoning as a weight control device. Once I stopped being sick, I was gaining weight again because I was slipping into my old bad habits of eat a lot, sleep, eat a lot, sleep.
So I resolved to be healthier. I would exercise. I would not stuff myself with food all the time. I would eat lots and lots of fruit and not buy any junk food.
It must be working, because now I'm finally getting the comments about how skinny I look. My students, who see me every single weekday, have really noticed. My friends, who see me every single day, have noticed. All the clothes that were tight before are now pretty loose. I haven't stepped on a scale since Taiwan, but I tried on a dress that was an American size 4 yesterday. It was much too big, and even the next size down was a little loose. I've dropped down an entire dress size. With all my exercise, I can climb my four flights of stairs without even noticing or feeling winded. I've never been so skinny, or so fit, in my life.
All the same, I am so conflicted about this. I don't want to be obsessed with my body image and constantly comparing myself to little Chinese girls who are a Chinese small, not an American small. They're built on a totally different scale, since they received different kinds of nourishment in their youth. I can't help doing comparing, though, because the thing is, everyone is obsessed with their own weight and other people's weight. They absolutely do notice.
Ultimately, I hate giving in to other people's opinions about me, even if it is for my own good.
It would be so nice if I could just want to eat whatever I want and do whatever I want without having to worry about all of this. At the same time, I can't be that careless. My metabolism is already beginning to slow down, and in another five years, after I hit the big three oh, it'll slow down even more.
It's a good thing I actually love exercising.
In other news:
I have cut my hair (yes, again), and attention all Hong Kong-philes, I look just like Faye Wong in Chungking Express. XD
My parents are coming to visit me over Golden Week. They'll be here on Tuesday and leaving on Saturday. Hurray! I can't wait to see them. I miss my family so much, and I'm so excited that for once I have the money to treat them.
I remember the day that I went to a department store and I tried on a pair of size 40 pants. They were too tight, but that was the largest size the store carried.
In the end, the only place where I found pants that fit was the Marks and Sparks in HK and simply getting them made.
The truism about China is that men will lose weight and women will gain. I definitely gained quite a few pounds in my first few months here. I ate in a much more unhealthy way than I did before. There was no more organic delivery, no more couscous, no more runs to Whole Foods where I would blow six dollars on beautiful grapes, no more home cooked gourmet meals. Instead there was a lot of noodles and starches and days where I was gorging on fries to combat my homesickness. 東北 style food is also drenched in oil, at least compared to Cantonese food. It didn't help that in the dead of winter, when I felt so cold, all I wanted to do was eat and hibernate.
At that time I didn't really care. Yeah, some of my new pairs of pants were a little tight. Yeah, I didn't exercise (other than walking a few flights of stairs every day). Yeah, I was a porker compared to my skinny little students. But it was okay, because after all, I was still about roughly the same size I was back home.
During my Chinese New Year, my aunt told me that I should exercise. (Read: I should lose some weight. That was definitely what she meant, trust me.)
Mrs. Yu saw me for the first time after the Chinese New Year holiday, and she said, "Hmmm...your face looks like it's gotten a little rounder." Mind you, this is after I hadn't eaten for several days thanks to Mao's Revenge.
I had a meeting with my boss, and he said, in response to me mentioning that I was sick again, that I should exercise more often. It was so random. Most people, when you tell them that you're sick again, might say, "Oh, I hope you feel better." In my newly sensitive mood, I just saw this as another comment on my weight.
There was also the New York Times series of articles about Type II diabetes, and the last article was about how Asians tend to develop Type II diabetes at much lower weights than others. That freaked me out a lot.
After that, I became a little obsessed. I admit it. Even though I was miserable when I had the flu and I didn't eat for two weeks straight, I was pleased that I lost weight. And when I had that awful food poisoning incident, I was pleased again with the results. I stared at myself in the mirror every day to see if I was losing weight. (I deliberately don't have a scale.)
This is a very unhealthy way to think. Besides, I can't always catch the flu or, god forbid, food poisoning as a weight control device. Once I stopped being sick, I was gaining weight again because I was slipping into my old bad habits of eat a lot, sleep, eat a lot, sleep.
So I resolved to be healthier. I would exercise. I would not stuff myself with food all the time. I would eat lots and lots of fruit and not buy any junk food.
It must be working, because now I'm finally getting the comments about how skinny I look. My students, who see me every single weekday, have really noticed. My friends, who see me every single day, have noticed. All the clothes that were tight before are now pretty loose. I haven't stepped on a scale since Taiwan, but I tried on a dress that was an American size 4 yesterday. It was much too big, and even the next size down was a little loose. I've dropped down an entire dress size. With all my exercise, I can climb my four flights of stairs without even noticing or feeling winded. I've never been so skinny, or so fit, in my life.
All the same, I am so conflicted about this. I don't want to be obsessed with my body image and constantly comparing myself to little Chinese girls who are a Chinese small, not an American small. They're built on a totally different scale, since they received different kinds of nourishment in their youth. I can't help doing comparing, though, because the thing is, everyone is obsessed with their own weight and other people's weight. They absolutely do notice.
Ultimately, I hate giving in to other people's opinions about me, even if it is for my own good.
It would be so nice if I could just want to eat whatever I want and do whatever I want without having to worry about all of this. At the same time, I can't be that careless. My metabolism is already beginning to slow down, and in another five years, after I hit the big three oh, it'll slow down even more.
It's a good thing I actually love exercising.
In other news:
I have cut my hair (yes, again), and attention all Hong Kong-philes, I look just like Faye Wong in Chungking Express. XD
My parents are coming to visit me over Golden Week. They'll be here on Tuesday and leaving on Saturday. Hurray! I can't wait to see them. I miss my family so much, and I'm so excited that for once I have the money to treat them.