No, I assure you that the CiCi is alright...
Well I do apologize really for the last entry but I just had a late night need to let it all loose and this is one of the few places I feel I can vent in semi-private while still getting help.
So I would like to say I have no intentions on changing myself to be a quote 'normal' person, I was merely venting frustration in the direction of those who wish their little girl to act with in the confines of normality.
I for one believe that there is no such thing as normal.
As my girlfriend likes to say normal is a setting on a video game, or a dishwasher....
So I will forever remain your art loving, cross-dressing, girl-crazy, anime nerd, and elven thief who thinks that all victories however minor deserve a fanfare at the end.
Because going against the grain and scaring the living daylights out of sane people is a hobby I most enjoy.
On a more serious topic though and to stab a big sword at an issue that was at the center of my near breakdown the other night, there are a few more things I'd like to say.
A year ago I finally got the official diagnosis of Aspergers (a form of autism) which explained to me a lot about myself but has become a bit of a double-edged sword around my parents.
I have a very hard time connecting with other people to the point that I often just choose not to connect at all. Making friends and engaging in conversation is difficult for me unless I find the topic at hand interesting. I also tend to not be able to see other's feelings in situations and can come off as having a lack of empathy to the point of sometimes being totally apathetic to others cause I feel they're being stupid or selfish. I cannot make eye contact with others while speaking and get extremely anxious to the point of making myself sick in socially demanding situations.
This makes it hard if not imposable to make and keep friendships and when I do connect with people the bond for me means that I've become completely comfortable around that person and I feel that they can understand me. This has led to me having a small group of friends that are all considered to be in some ways 'on the spectrum.' We all have similar experiences and views on the world and more importantly share the same hobbies.
The problem is that now my mother in particular thinks that I can be 'cured' of my social inadequacies by only associating with 'normal' people and is seeking to cut me off from my activities which she has deemed as anti-social and stagnating. Which pretty much means that all my hobbies are seen as such.
What has come most under fire is my love of table-top roleplaying (think World of Warcraft with out computers and instead a group of people sitting at a table acting out their fantasy characters in person, in particular I love playing Dungeons and Dragons which can be every bit as nerdy as the stereotypes). If it wasn't for this I pretty much wouldn't be caught dead in the middle of a group of people, never the less laughing and having a good time making myself the center of attention.
She doesn't like my friends cause their all people whom my girlfriend introduced me from a support group she goes to run by the CT Department of Mental Health Services.
Mom thinks these activities and people are holding me back from getting a job and making a living. What is holding me back from getting a job is the economy and the fact that I am trying to find something that doesn't involve dealing with crowds and maybe just maybe involves doing art.
And I hang out with these people because they are the few that understand how difficult it is for me to hold onto friendships.
*sighs* Anyways...
I'm three courses shy but my school gave me a cap and gown and let me walk with my class during graduation. Senior thesis was finished with a high degree of freaking out but I got great feedback from my professors so it was all worth it in the end. Two of my four final paintings are still in Hamden so when I retrieve them I'll make sure to upload photos.
I finally got everything unpacked and moved into my parents house after cleaning out my apartment.
Results of which can be seen here.
Tomorrow I'm going to start working on cosplays again. Due to lack of money I won't be in attendance at CTcon this year but I'm still moving forward on my plans to cosplay Cloud Strife from FFVII (Both the orgional and Advent Children Versions). I'm also going to be working on Kitsu's Zidane Tribal (FFIX) cosplay as well as fixing her KHII Sora outfit. I even want to go as far as to make props this year so yeah... I'll totaly be walking around with a huge sword at a con and it will be awesome (fangirl deterrent....)
This is kinda what we're going for:
I'm still drumming up ideas in my head for my fanfiction "The Gifted." I have several directions I could possibly go in and I'm not sure of where. I wonder if somewhere there's a KH/Final Fantasy brain trust to bounce ideas off of....
In other news I completed my game of FFIX. I am growing rather found of Kuja, for a villian he's totally growing on me as a character. Friggin' flamboyant cross-dresser... gotta love him... I also completed Crisis Core FFVII on my PSP. Took me a week to do it cause I got sick close to finals and decided to go the no stress route and play games to recover. Cloud is still continuing to grow on me as I work my way through FFVII proper. That game is just wow... I can completely understand why those characters are so well loved.
So I would like to say I have no intentions on changing myself to be a quote 'normal' person, I was merely venting frustration in the direction of those who wish their little girl to act with in the confines of normality.
I for one believe that there is no such thing as normal.
As my girlfriend likes to say normal is a setting on a video game, or a dishwasher....
So I will forever remain your art loving, cross-dressing, girl-crazy, anime nerd, and elven thief who thinks that all victories however minor deserve a fanfare at the end.
Because going against the grain and scaring the living daylights out of sane people is a hobby I most enjoy.
On a more serious topic though and to stab a big sword at an issue that was at the center of my near breakdown the other night, there are a few more things I'd like to say.
A year ago I finally got the official diagnosis of Aspergers (a form of autism) which explained to me a lot about myself but has become a bit of a double-edged sword around my parents.
I have a very hard time connecting with other people to the point that I often just choose not to connect at all. Making friends and engaging in conversation is difficult for me unless I find the topic at hand interesting. I also tend to not be able to see other's feelings in situations and can come off as having a lack of empathy to the point of sometimes being totally apathetic to others cause I feel they're being stupid or selfish. I cannot make eye contact with others while speaking and get extremely anxious to the point of making myself sick in socially demanding situations.
This makes it hard if not imposable to make and keep friendships and when I do connect with people the bond for me means that I've become completely comfortable around that person and I feel that they can understand me. This has led to me having a small group of friends that are all considered to be in some ways 'on the spectrum.' We all have similar experiences and views on the world and more importantly share the same hobbies.
The problem is that now my mother in particular thinks that I can be 'cured' of my social inadequacies by only associating with 'normal' people and is seeking to cut me off from my activities which she has deemed as anti-social and stagnating. Which pretty much means that all my hobbies are seen as such.
What has come most under fire is my love of table-top roleplaying (think World of Warcraft with out computers and instead a group of people sitting at a table acting out their fantasy characters in person, in particular I love playing Dungeons and Dragons which can be every bit as nerdy as the stereotypes). If it wasn't for this I pretty much wouldn't be caught dead in the middle of a group of people, never the less laughing and having a good time making myself the center of attention.
She doesn't like my friends cause their all people whom my girlfriend introduced me from a support group she goes to run by the CT Department of Mental Health Services.
Mom thinks these activities and people are holding me back from getting a job and making a living. What is holding me back from getting a job is the economy and the fact that I am trying to find something that doesn't involve dealing with crowds and maybe just maybe involves doing art.
And I hang out with these people because they are the few that understand how difficult it is for me to hold onto friendships.
*sighs* Anyways...
I'm three courses shy but my school gave me a cap and gown and let me walk with my class during graduation. Senior thesis was finished with a high degree of freaking out but I got great feedback from my professors so it was all worth it in the end. Two of my four final paintings are still in Hamden so when I retrieve them I'll make sure to upload photos.
I finally got everything unpacked and moved into my parents house after cleaning out my apartment.
Results of which can be seen here.
Tomorrow I'm going to start working on cosplays again. Due to lack of money I won't be in attendance at CTcon this year but I'm still moving forward on my plans to cosplay Cloud Strife from FFVII (Both the orgional and Advent Children Versions). I'm also going to be working on Kitsu's Zidane Tribal (FFIX) cosplay as well as fixing her KHII Sora outfit. I even want to go as far as to make props this year so yeah... I'll totaly be walking around with a huge sword at a con and it will be awesome (fangirl deterrent....)
This is kinda what we're going for:
I'm still drumming up ideas in my head for my fanfiction "The Gifted." I have several directions I could possibly go in and I'm not sure of where. I wonder if somewhere there's a KH/Final Fantasy brain trust to bounce ideas off of....
In other news I completed my game of FFIX. I am growing rather found of Kuja, for a villian he's totally growing on me as a character. Friggin' flamboyant cross-dresser... gotta love him... I also completed Crisis Core FFVII on my PSP. Took me a week to do it cause I got sick close to finals and decided to go the no stress route and play games to recover. Cloud is still continuing to grow on me as I work my way through FFVII proper. That game is just wow... I can completely understand why those characters are so well loved.