Sink drip of consciousness.
The last few weeks have been sort of... strange? I quit smoking a couple months ago. I've been eating less take-out. Overall, health has been a priority. In some ways though, I feel like the effect has been negatively measurable. I've always been slightly neurotic, but lately I feel like my anxiety has gone overboard. I've had more than one panic attack since Thursday. I'm a fairly rational person, but these weird physiological responses to anxiety creep me out, regardless.
I've only had one panic attack before in my life after taking some niacin pills for detoxification. (Stupid idea, this doesn't work anyway. ) My skin went flush; started crawling. I imploded and felt like I was dying for hours. I knew it wasn't the niacin. I knew there was no reason for me to be freaking out, but I couldn't stop. This was a couple years ago now and I haven't experienced anything similar till recently.
During lecture Thursday, toward the end of class... I asked my teacher a question and suddenly my heart started racing and I felt dizzy. The room started fading like I was passing out. I just tried to keep my composure and started packing my things. After class I talked with a classmate about some assignments and thought I was fine. But then it flared up again in my next class. I left the building and went outside for fresh air. Splashed my face.This sort of trend continued basically for the rest of the night even when I was hanging out and celebrating with friends. Since then I've just been on edge, I feel anxious even thinking about it.
I know that I should probably stop drinking caffeine and doing other things that can add to the problem. Maybe its the addictions speaking, but life would be pretty boring without them.
Paradoxically, the more free time I get, the harder it is to relax. It's so hard for me to just sit and watch a movie. I used to lock myself in my room for days watching movies. I have such a hard time focusing my attention on what is actually important. Normal people watch TV. I find excuses to go out (and buy things). Spending money shouldn't be calming. My thoughts are going off in too many directions now. There wasn't really a point in me writing this other than to clear my mind.
I don't know if I believe in anything. So I'm not sure it matters I'm praying for you. It doesn't matter if it matters. I care about you a lot. I regret saying so many hurtful things to/about you. I need to stop trying to make rules for people. There are no rules. People just are. I think its a good suggestion to go ahead and love anyone for who they are.
I'm tired of feeling like an electrocuted lab animal. I'm ready for my insight now.
Later, players.
I've only had one panic attack before in my life after taking some niacin pills for detoxification. (Stupid idea, this doesn't work anyway. ) My skin went flush; started crawling. I imploded and felt like I was dying for hours. I knew it wasn't the niacin. I knew there was no reason for me to be freaking out, but I couldn't stop. This was a couple years ago now and I haven't experienced anything similar till recently.
During lecture Thursday, toward the end of class... I asked my teacher a question and suddenly my heart started racing and I felt dizzy. The room started fading like I was passing out. I just tried to keep my composure and started packing my things. After class I talked with a classmate about some assignments and thought I was fine. But then it flared up again in my next class. I left the building and went outside for fresh air. Splashed my face.This sort of trend continued basically for the rest of the night even when I was hanging out and celebrating with friends. Since then I've just been on edge, I feel anxious even thinking about it.
I know that I should probably stop drinking caffeine and doing other things that can add to the problem. Maybe its the addictions speaking, but life would be pretty boring without them.
Paradoxically, the more free time I get, the harder it is to relax. It's so hard for me to just sit and watch a movie. I used to lock myself in my room for days watching movies. I have such a hard time focusing my attention on what is actually important. Normal people watch TV. I find excuses to go out (and buy things). Spending money shouldn't be calming. My thoughts are going off in too many directions now. There wasn't really a point in me writing this other than to clear my mind.
I don't know if I believe in anything. So I'm not sure it matters I'm praying for you. It doesn't matter if it matters. I care about you a lot. I regret saying so many hurtful things to/about you. I need to stop trying to make rules for people. There are no rules. People just are. I think its a good suggestion to go ahead and love anyone for who they are.
I'm tired of feeling like an electrocuted lab animal. I'm ready for my insight now.
Later, players.