(no subject)
I turned 21 June 1 and it was strange to not have Shawn this year. This is going to take still some getting used to. i don't like that i have to get used to him being gone. my mom is a mess and my dad is too. shawn's mom calls me a lot and asks me if i'll come for dinner with her. it makes me sad to sit in her kitchen and eat while kaitie plays in the family room. she seems really hollow and we try not to mention him but that only lasts for about 30 minutes. he kind of joined us together. she's kind of a wreck too. i skipped the bar with ayden and adam and i just sat in the basement on shawn's couch and flipped through the boxes of his things. i keep telling myself i can't keep doing this, but i don't really want to let go of my best friend. even though he let go of me a long time ago.