uno
The day starts. Your alarm rings. You wake up. The lights are on in the kitchen and you wonder if they have been on all night or if your roommates just forgot to switch them off before leaving the house. “Oh well,” you think. You gather the stuff you need for today, making sure you don’t forget your Stats book again, and walk out the front door.
Your car is slow to start; you think about how long it’s been since you last had your oil changed. You drive to school and eat your breakfast on the way. You wave to the crossing guard near the elementary school near your home; you wonder if they are having a good day and if they enjoy walking kids across the street while waving to strangers like you. You forget about it once you get to a red light. You think you should have brought a bottle of water.
You get to school and fight for a spot to park; you wonder why parking lots are such burdens. You walk by the library and from a distance you spot someone you used to sleep with. You wave and change paths so you two meet in the middle. You both greet each other and make small talk about each others weekends. He went out of town with his new girlfriend; you went dancing. He makes a slightly sexual joke to you and you respond in a suggestive manner. You wonder if he fucks his girlfriend the way he would fuck you; you wonder if he enjoyed you more than he enjoys her. This thought quickly exits your mind. You say goodbye and you both walk to class.
You get to your classroom and your professor hasn’t arrived. Your classmates stand outside the door, but the door is unlocked so you walk by them and into the room. A few of them follow though most of them don’t. You sit down and wait. She comes in and gives a lesson; you watch the clock instead of her. The class concludes. You walk to another building and repeat. You find your day unfulfilling so far.
Afterwards you find yourself in “limbo” for 45 minutes. You spend your time sitting in the sun near a tree you find attractive. Your friend meets you, though not intentionally. You both sit and talk about various things that you both care about. He makes a comment that you don’t find funny but you laugh anyway. A girl walks up and joins you two, a mutual friend though he knows her better than you do. You don’t listen to her while she talks; you wonder if she’s more attractive than you, and if so, why she is. She is saying something about New Castle and a new Harry Potter thing in Orlando that you’re dying to go to, but you don’t care; she is so pretty. You forget about it once you see the time. You say goodbye and walk to your class.
Your Spanish teacher, who is typically cute, is in an exceptionally precious mood today. You always find yourself wondering about her home life. Is her husband sweet and loving? Are her children successful? You think she may own cats. Yeah, she defiantly owns cats. You look at the person sitting to your left. He never wants to talk to you, though you always want to talk to him. He reads to avoid conversation. He has a Viking ship tattooed on his arm and you wonder when he got it done; it looks new and you never noticed it before. You open your mouth to ask but class starts. Your teacher plays a music video from a Latin recording artist she likes, you think she is so adorable. After what seems to you to be a short time, class ends. The person to your left walks out before you can ask him about his arm. “Oh well,” you think, and after picking up a newspaper, you walk to your car.
On the front page is an article about police and tasers. You wonder if this is really news and you think about several global issues that would be more appropriate for the front page of a newspaper. On the way home the radio plays a song that you’re excited to hear and you roll the windows down. You pass construction on the way home. They are repaving the road that you take everyday. You wonder what a typical work day is like for the men working; you wonder if such work satisfies them. You think about this all the way home.
You get home and your roommate doesn’t say anything to you when you walk through the front door. She is always in a bad mood no matter how nice you are to her. You say hello to her anyway and she responds in a forced manner. You don’t like her. No. No. You pour yourself a glass of tea you brewed yesterday and sit at your desk and take out your chemistry homework. You think about what bullshit chemistry is and quickly give up. You spend the rest of the afternoon listening Radiohead and daydreaming about a party you want to have next weekend. You imagine all your friends in the perfect witty moods you like them to be in, interacting with each other with wonderful poise and charisma. They talk about things you like to talk about; they dance to the songs you like to dance to. Someone calls you to remind you so and so’s party is tonight. You decide to go.
You arrive at your friend’s house and quickly decide that you don’t want to be there; you stay anyway. You look around and see many people you vaguely know. The party just started and there are already a lot of people there. The back yard is flooded with them; there are many people you went to High School with and some you know from mutual friends and a lot of people you’ve never seen before. Many are crowding around the watering hole, mixing drinks and hitting on each other. There are many groups, sitting in various lawn chairs, on pillows and blankets on the ground and over by the house dancing.
You sit down with a group of people you adequately know. You look over towards the moonlight and you see your childhood friend. He’s the boy that grew up next door to you and your best friend. He is tripping on acid tonight; he forgot to bring the LSD he bought for you. He walks away and around a corner where you can’t see him anymore. You try to think about you two playing on the corner in the neighborhood when you were kids. He was chubby and your hair was long and curly. You two always joke about getting married one day and you wonder if people can really grow up and fall in love like they do in the movies. You think you just might be in love with him, but you don’t know. Someone passes you a blunt and you breath in deeply. It tastes like chronic and you forget what you were thinking about. You start a conversation with a guy who once was good friends with your ex boyfriend. He looks really good tonight. You decide to leave your car at the party and go home in his.
His house seems strange but appealing to you. The ceilings are tall, the molding is beautiful but there are spots on the walls. There is no defined bedroom in his house, just a great room of sorts, a kitchen, and a bathroom. You wonder if he enjoys his house layout because you don’t think you would like to live in a similar scene. You wonder why he keeps that old and broken Les Paul. Nostalgia? He walks over to the stereo and puts on side three of the White Album but skips over “Birthday” to “Yer Blues.” He walks over to you and grabs your hand. He’s drunk but you aren’t. You start think about what his dick might feel like though you know you’re about to find out. He fucks you. He finishes before you even get started.
Yes I’m lonely wanna die
You think about whether you’ll get back to your car in the morning.
Yes I’m lonely wanna die
You wonder if you will make it to class on time tomorrow.
If I ain’t dead already
You didn’t study for your economics test.
Girl you know the reason why
Fuck.