(no subject)
i feel like i have been so busy... i need a friggin to do list!
Get a Sprint phone dammit! and change my nnumber!
get gas turned on
damn i know there is a lot more.. SHIT!
pack
get records transferred to randolph clinic from CC
go by Disability office for notetaking review
put registration sticker ON before i get pulled over
see Blaine
see Roger
ayayaya.. i know ther'es more, but i have no idea.. oh well
I am going to NC this weekend. i leave tomorrow around 4 actually. i am so excited. it was so spur of the moment though, not that i mind because i get to see the two best people ever... BUT i wish i had more time so i'm not up until 3 am packin tonight... haha, runnin myself ragged here, but tha's okay.
part of me is nervous about seeing brandon... i mean i know that everything is going to be great... and i can't wait to see him... i guess it's just that i haven't been with anyone besides roger in almost exactly 2 years. i mean, i know i kissed some people, so i'd have to say i haven't KISSED anyone besides him since January of '03..... that's like over a year and a half... but like the relationship stuff.. like i hven't even HELD HANDS with someone besides roger in two years. i think i might just be psyching myself out about it... i'm sure i'll get there and it won't be like comparing the two of them.. but pat of me is still a lil worried. Just because, well, it's something new... when i've had the same thing for so long... but i am definitely looking ofrward to it. actuall, i can't wait! i keep thinkin and thinkin about it! i just want to get there already!
me and brandon had a long conversation the other day... and said something... i don't even really remember how it got brought up, but he said something about when me, him, and Bryan went to one of Roger's playoff games at the Alamo Dome... and i guess i was like yelling to get Roger's attention and he didn't notice.. and brandon was like he acted like you were some fat girl he was hiding from! and i just didnt' even know what to say to that.. haha, i had almost forgotten that incident. then and now i say that he just couldnt' hear me over the crowd... and i guess i don't even really care cuz it was almost a year ago....but it's weird to me, because it still hurts... like i don't get upset when i talk to him or anything, nothing like that at all, but when i think about everything, when i go back in time and think about different things that happened, it still hurts. i don't know, i guess that its' jsut weird to me, i'm not sure that i've ever experienced that before. like with ryan... i was angry after i thought about some of the things that he said and did to me... but i wasn't hurt... and even with larkin, after i got over the fact that we weren't together anymore, the things that happened didn't really HURT me. But when i think about the things that roger did, or DIDN'T do, (more likely) i really feel this pain in my heart... like a physical pain, just kind of tugging at me in my chest.... what does that mean? I mean i don't hold anything against him, and we are REALLY good friends now and he helps me out a lot... and when i'm with him i'm not sad or anything, i dont' even think about it, but when someone mentions something or i think of soemthing that happened or didn't happen that should've.. well it still hurts. i wonder if that will ever go away.... oh well... if i don't think about those times, it doesn't hurt, haha so i won't think about them =)
anways... today is blaine's last day smoking... and i haven't only had ONE hit in THREE days.. i know that doesn't sound impressive, its' really not, but hey, 3 days is better than no days right? we are celebrating tonight for his last time, and then i think that my habits are going to change A LOT. i just don't have the time or the money to be fuckin around with all taht right now....
in other news... i'm still upset about bryan... but there is nothing i can do, because i'm not going to say anything to him ina letter about our conversation being weird.... and i never get to talk to him, so next time i dont' want to ask him because i relsih the few minutes we have to talk.... i dont 'know... it's pretty much up in the air until he gets back i think...
i have talked to court a lot lately.. i relaly miss her.. she is the only one from corpus i even mis.. haha well candace too, but i consider her schertz folk still, haha cuz i didnt' MEET her in corpus... but i don t'know, i thought that i would really miss it, but i don't... i jsut miss court.. and dillon kinda. that's about it... eddie, but he wouldn't be there anyway.... crasy kid. but me and court are still close as ever, i need to go down there soon. they have been here twice and i havne't been down there, so i need to get movin! I HAVE to go sometime this month.
welllll classes are good, i need to get running to them though, so i can't elaborate at the moment... but i'm happy... so i guess i'll tlak to you later!
Get a Sprint phone dammit! and change my nnumber!
get gas turned on
damn i know there is a lot more.. SHIT!
pack
get records transferred to randolph clinic from CC
go by Disability office for notetaking review
put registration sticker ON before i get pulled over
see Blaine
see Roger
ayayaya.. i know ther'es more, but i have no idea.. oh well
I am going to NC this weekend. i leave tomorrow around 4 actually. i am so excited. it was so spur of the moment though, not that i mind because i get to see the two best people ever... BUT i wish i had more time so i'm not up until 3 am packin tonight... haha, runnin myself ragged here, but tha's okay.
part of me is nervous about seeing brandon... i mean i know that everything is going to be great... and i can't wait to see him... i guess it's just that i haven't been with anyone besides roger in almost exactly 2 years. i mean, i know i kissed some people, so i'd have to say i haven't KISSED anyone besides him since January of '03..... that's like over a year and a half... but like the relationship stuff.. like i hven't even HELD HANDS with someone besides roger in two years. i think i might just be psyching myself out about it... i'm sure i'll get there and it won't be like comparing the two of them.. but pat of me is still a lil worried. Just because, well, it's something new... when i've had the same thing for so long... but i am definitely looking ofrward to it. actuall, i can't wait! i keep thinkin and thinkin about it! i just want to get there already!
me and brandon had a long conversation the other day... and said something... i don't even really remember how it got brought up, but he said something about when me, him, and Bryan went to one of Roger's playoff games at the Alamo Dome... and i guess i was like yelling to get Roger's attention and he didn't notice.. and brandon was like he acted like you were some fat girl he was hiding from! and i just didnt' even know what to say to that.. haha, i had almost forgotten that incident. then and now i say that he just couldnt' hear me over the crowd... and i guess i don't even really care cuz it was almost a year ago....but it's weird to me, because it still hurts... like i don't get upset when i talk to him or anything, nothing like that at all, but when i think about everything, when i go back in time and think about different things that happened, it still hurts. i don't know, i guess that its' jsut weird to me, i'm not sure that i've ever experienced that before. like with ryan... i was angry after i thought about some of the things that he said and did to me... but i wasn't hurt... and even with larkin, after i got over the fact that we weren't together anymore, the things that happened didn't really HURT me. But when i think about the things that roger did, or DIDN'T do, (more likely) i really feel this pain in my heart... like a physical pain, just kind of tugging at me in my chest.... what does that mean? I mean i don't hold anything against him, and we are REALLY good friends now and he helps me out a lot... and when i'm with him i'm not sad or anything, i dont' even think about it, but when someone mentions something or i think of soemthing that happened or didn't happen that should've.. well it still hurts. i wonder if that will ever go away.... oh well... if i don't think about those times, it doesn't hurt, haha so i won't think about them =)
anways... today is blaine's last day smoking... and i haven't only had ONE hit in THREE days.. i know that doesn't sound impressive, its' really not, but hey, 3 days is better than no days right? we are celebrating tonight for his last time, and then i think that my habits are going to change A LOT. i just don't have the time or the money to be fuckin around with all taht right now....
in other news... i'm still upset about bryan... but there is nothing i can do, because i'm not going to say anything to him ina letter about our conversation being weird.... and i never get to talk to him, so next time i dont' want to ask him because i relsih the few minutes we have to talk.... i dont 'know... it's pretty much up in the air until he gets back i think...
i have talked to court a lot lately.. i relaly miss her.. she is the only one from corpus i even mis.. haha well candace too, but i consider her schertz folk still, haha cuz i didnt' MEET her in corpus... but i don t'know, i thought that i would really miss it, but i don't... i jsut miss court.. and dillon kinda. that's about it... eddie, but he wouldn't be there anyway.... crasy kid. but me and court are still close as ever, i need to go down there soon. they have been here twice and i havne't been down there, so i need to get movin! I HAVE to go sometime this month.
welllll classes are good, i need to get running to them though, so i can't elaborate at the moment... but i'm happy... so i guess i'll tlak to you later!